National Holiday Declared As Tom Daley Announces He’s Bisexual

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Tom DaleyHallelujah and a shout out to the baby Jesus for this Christmas miracle. We didn’t think that it could happen, but Tom Daley just became 100% more attractive.

The Olympian has decided to put aside his selfish ways and share his beauty with the whole world by announcing that he’s also into guys now. Not that he had much choice, because a body like that transcends gender and sexuality altogether. So, who’s up for some gratuitous Speedo-themed photos laced with the sad knowledge that the competition to lick those abs just doubled?

tom daley 2

What? He’s a swimmer, that photo’s totally relevant to this post.

Tom Daley heat

That one’s not though. Anyway, where we we?

The nineteen year old posted an emotional video on YouTube yesterday, where he talks about how he has always been vague about relationships when asked in the past. Most of us just assumed he was trying to cover up the fact that he’s a massive man-slut, because well, look at him. It’s almost a public service for him to sleep with as many people as possible. As it turns out, the real reason is a lot more sweet.

If you don’t want to watch the whole thing, here’s the crucial bit:

“Come Spring this year, my life changed, massively, when I met someone and they make me feel so happy, so safe and everything just feels great…Well that someone is a guy. And it did take me by surprise a little bit. It was always in the back of my head that something like that could happen.”

He says that he still ‘fancies girls’ but right now he’s happy with his boyfriend, who’s probably feeling smugger than the Kardashian’s divorce lawyer right now.  Sadly, you don’t get many out and proud sports stars, so his bravery in coming out so young and and at the height of his career only makes him more charming. And frustrating that he’s spoken for, obviously, but let’s focus on the positive.

With this revelation and the fact that he’s now universally gorgeous, I say it’s about time that this country cashed in on all the totty we have to offer and elected Tom as the official Great Britain representative. We could  just have him turn up at Eurovision and G8 summits in his Speedos, and stamps would be so much more exciting to lick if they had his face on. At the very least, let’s make him the new face of Christmas 2013. Forget an old fat guy with a beard, Christmas cards would look so much better around the house if they all featured this:

Tom Daley Christmas



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