Observers of Britney Spears have been claiming recently that her marriage to Kevin Federline is in trouble. Well, OK, not just recently – more or less since they first got married, actually. Just don't expect them to get divorced any time soon.
The National Enquirer made the mistake of openly questioning the state of the marriage between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, and claiming that their divorce was imminent. And, after lawyers got involved, The National Enquirer made the rare move of apologising to Britney Spears and Kevin Federline for causing them distress. Now all we need is for Kevin Federline to apologise to us for the distress caused by having to listen to PopoZao in the name of research, and the circle is complete.
The state of the marriage between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline has long been under scrutiny by the media. And, as much as Britney Spears loves to get fat, call Federline "awesome" and cry on TV, or take her clothes off for a magazine to tell us that she's "proud of Kevin," or repeatedly let K-Fed impregnate her, some quarters just don't believe that everything is fine and dandy between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.
Of course, there are a few possible reasons for this – perhaps Britney Spears writing a nutty poem, seemingly about Kevin, on her website was a sign. Or perhaps the way that Britney Spears hired a muscular male nanny, seemingly to make Kevin jealous, was a sign. Or perhaps the creation of a website begging Britney Spears to divorce Kevin Federline was a sign. Either way, these sections of the press must have picked up that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline's marriage was in trouble.
The National Enquirer certainly did, and published articles in its British edition with headlines like 'Britney Marriage is Over!' and 'Britney and Kevin: And Now Their Divorce!' But, after Britney Spears got a lawyer in, The National Enquirer has apologised to Britney Spears in yesterday's edition for being a bit wrong:
"In the 5th and 12th June 2006 issues of the UK Enquirer, we published articles under the headlines 'Britney Marriage is Over!' and 'Britney and Kevin: And Now Their Divorce!' Contrary to what our articles might have suggested, we now accept that their marriage is not over and they are not getting divorced. These allegations are untrue and we now accept Britney's position that the statements are without foundation. We apologise for any distress caused."
Paul Tweed, Britney's Belfast-based lawyer, called The National Enquirer's apology a:
"rare if not unprecedented gesture".
So it's now more or less official – Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are not getting divorced, and they'll stay together for ever and ever. One thing's for sure, though – if we were pregnant and our husband was always busy recording a rubbish album or writing a rubbish biopic all about himself, we'd divorce him in a second. A second. Uh-huh sister, that's right.
[story by Stuart Heritage]