OK, we take back every single bad thing we ever said about Naomi Campbell – she’s finally convinced us that she’s a genius.
We mean it. Naomi Campbell is a genius. Only a genius could do something as flat-out berserk as what Naomi Campbell’s just done.
Recently Naomi Campbell was banned from flying with British Airways for life for spitting on a policeman in the middle of a violent tantrum about luggage. So, naturally, Naomi Campbell has made a huge point of boycotting British Airways, even though it’s already banned her. Seriously. Indiscriminate violence and a dangerously flawed mental process? We can’t figure out why nobody’s married a catch like that yet.
We’re starting a genuine campaign right now. We want Naomi Campbell to be the new host of Watchdog. We’re not making this up. We have three main reasons for wanting this: 1) Naomi Campbell is a stone cold consumer champion. 2) If any company CEOs tried to give her the runaround, she’d be straight down their offices ready to punch everything to splinters. 3) It’d make Nicky Campbell slightly less employed, which we’re all for.
But really, Naomi Campbell is an honest to goodness consumer champion. Earlier this month, you see, Naomi Campbell suffered a taste of the hellish luggage problems that customers at Heathrow airport’s newly-opened Terminal Five have been experiencing. And because of that – and only that – Naomi Campbell has decided to boycott British Airways forever.
Speaking about her decision to boycott British Airways while in Brazil, golden consumer idol Naomi Campbell said:
“Someone from BA called me and asked that I return to fly with them but this will not occur so early. They didn’t find my bag – said it wasn’t in the system – and there was a complete disrespect for the passengers. You Brazilians went through the same problem last year. The case in Terminal 5 at Heathrow was the same thing and I am not speaking for myself. I am speaking for all those who have been disrespected.”
What a wonderful, wonderful person Naomi Campbell is. She’s boycotting British Airways because it treated the people shoddily, and Naomi Campbell stands up for the people no matter what.
In other completely unrelated news, British Airways is the airline that recently banned Naomi Campbell forever because she attacked a policeman when her luggage went missing.
However, even though she flew into a galactic rage and flobbed up on a copper, Naomi Campbell was merely cautioned for the tantrum. And it seems that British Airways wants to make amends, if Naomi’s stories of pleading phone calls are correct. They are correct aren’t they, The Times?
A BA insider told London’s Evening Standard paper: “We are not aware of any pleading phone calls to Ms Campbell.”
Oh. Well, anyway, good for Naomi Campbell for boycotting British Airways in any case. Someone needs to stand up to these giant faceless corporations, and who better to do so than a alarmingly violent woman who can hardly seem to go more than a couple of days without assaulting someone’s skull off or destroying a boat? Naomi Campbell, we salute you.
By the way, we’re serious about getting Naomi Campbell that Watchdog job. Here’s where you can contact the show to make the case for her employment. Quite frankly we’ve waited too long to see the chairman of British Gas getting his face smashed in by a screaming, froth-mouthed woman holding a telephone.
Read more:
Eros says
Why is this oh-so-wholesome-shining-light-of-humanity even famous? Did she once adorn the pages of some magazine?
Stabby McGee says
Because she keeps going spastic batshit in public, that’s why.