A leopard can’t change its spots, but it’d probably try if Naomi Campbell smacked it around for long enough.

And she would, too. Because Naomi Campbell fears nothing. After being arrested approximately a million times for attacking people just because she felt like it, Naomi Campbell has now been accused of attacking yet another underling – this time it was her chauffeur, whose head she allegedly punched so hard that he was thrown forward and smashed his face onto his steering wheel.

However, it’s unlikely that Naomi Campbell will be charged for the incident. That’s not because it’s hard to prove she did it, though. It’s because, if she was taken in for questioning, Naomi Campbell would probably punch the police station to the ground, eat the rubble and then blind everyone by farting shards of gravel into their eyes. Seriously, you don’t mess with Naomi Campbell.

Honestly, what sort of idiot works for Naomi Campbell these days? We know the economy is tough and people have to take what they can get and all, but really? Naomi Campbell? Wouldn’t you be better off finding a safer job, like a deep sea fisherman or a test pilot for experimental aircraft or someone paid to deliberately provoke wild crocodiles by dressing up as a clown and trying to push a string of uncooked sausages up their bum while singing the greatest hits of Aqua through a megaphone at them?

Because look what happens to people when they work for Naomi Campbell. Look what happened to the PA she assaulted with her BlackBerry. Or the maid who she assaulted with her BlackBerry. Or the time she allegedly assaulted her drug counsellor. Working for Naomi Campbell should be an absolute last resort, and even then it shouldn’t be attempted without the assistance of an armour-plated uniform, a riot shield, an attack dog and a handmade cushion with at least one reassuring phrase embroidered across it.

Sadly, this isn’t something that Miodrag Mejdina took into consideration when he agreed to become Naomi Campbell’s chauffeur. Hopefully the steering wheel indentation in his skull that he allegedly received at the hands of Campbell yesterday will act as a permanent reminder that he should never be that stupid again. The New York Post reports:

The volatile diva allegedly struck Miodrag Mejdina, 27, of Ridgewood, Queens, hard enough to send his head into the steering wheel — leaving him with a bruise under his left eye, according to police sources. She was apparently furious over the fact that Mejdina, who also has chauffeured her boyfriend, refused to snitch on her beau and tell her whether he was cheating on her, sources said.

Although this sounds serious, you’ll be pleased to know that altercation ended well for everyone. Naomi Campbell will be pleased to know that Mejdina has decided not to pursue charges against her, which means that she lives to – literally – fight another day. And Miodrag Mejdina will be pleased to know that Naomi Campbell only allegedly punched him in the back of the head several times instead of, say, picking the car up by the boot, smashing it against the side of two or three buildings and then frisbeeing it into the sun.

So, you see, sometimes Naomi Campbell’s violent temper can be a force for good, too. We can’t wait until she decides to improve our life by cracking our cheekbone with a laptop or whatever. We live in hope.

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