When Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt decided to fly over to Namibia to give birth to Shiloh Nouvel, they exposed one nation to the searing heat of global fame. And, dammit, Namibia liked it.
But Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have left Namibia and returned to America – leaving a gaping hole in the hearts of all the Namibians who didn't think that Jolie and Pitt were colonial overlords. Now, Namibia needs to keep the public's focus on it no matter what it takes. And how can you attract more publicity than by letting two of the most famous people in the world have their first baby in your country? Simple – by cooking a shitload of meat.
The Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt Namibia dream burnt brightly before quickly dying out. Both Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had to continue their professional careers – Brad Pitt has Ocean's 13 to make, while Angelina Jolie needs to make a series of overlong interviews all about how brilliant she is.
But while Brad and Angelina were in Namibia, the world was Namibia's oyster. As well as the glaring publicity and influx of lawbreaking paparazzi Namibia received, the terrifying birth of Shiloh Nouvel also did the country a lot of financial good – Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie donated £164,000 to Namibian hospitals and also made some kind of documentary about Namibia, too.
And now colonial overlords Brad and Angelina have left Namibia, and there's a new emptiness in the heart of Namibia. It's an old tale, once everyone looked at it and talked about it, now nobody gives a shit. It's pretty much the story of Geri Halliwell, only bigger and more African. And, like Geri Halliwell, Namibia is now filling the void with meaningless publicity stunts. Stunts like the world's biggest meat-cook.
In September, there will be nine tonnes of sausages cooked in a Windhoek football stadium, and the 45,000 Namibians fed will break the record for the world's biggest barbecue. The barbecue is being organised by the Meat Company Of Namibia, and spokeswoman Uschi Ramakhutla said:
"The Namibian record will be set with 9 tonnes of boerewors (sausages)
which, if stretched, will be 7.5 kilometres (4.6 miles) long."
And just to make things really special, the 44,159th in the line for sausages will be Namibian President Hifikepunye Pohamba. And if cooking a few sausages in a field isn't enough to make Namibia famous again, then nothing is!
Read more:
After Pitt/Jolie, Namibia Plans Biggest Barbecue – Reuters
[story by Stuart Heritage]
ObamaHatesWomen says
And these bat-guano-crazy, tinfoil-hat-wearing Hollywierd liberals are the ones telling us all how to vote.
Lovely.