Nadine Eats Food. Universe Implodes

Jaffa tanned Nadine Coyle from trendy young hit makers Girls Aloud has, according to recent scandalous accusations made by The Sun, eaten her dinner.

Nadine was apparently forced to go on a diet because she couldn’t fit into the smallest dress on sale in Topshop. Unlike her svelte and not at all filthy slapper bandmates. They all passed the Topshop test with flying colours. They’re good girls, you see.

Poor Nadine. She can actually sing a bit too. Pity she’s now reduced to Bizarre pop fodder, destined only to have topless photos of her taken on a beach somewhere in the Balearics.

That some idiot actually decided to put her on a diet means our body obsessed media has claimed yet another victim.

If someone is fat then we’ll call them fat, no question. We would claim it’s because they’re unhealthy, but really it’d just be because we wanna laugh at them. Thing is though, Nadine Coyle isn’t fat. She actually isn’t.

Far be it from hecklerspray to stick up for a band your ten year nice might consider "a bit young for me now", but anyone likely to be targeted for malice in the pages of Heat magazine gets, at the very least, our partial support.

The Sun want on to report that Nadine was seen eating a meal in London’s premier Ivy restaurant with pop-tart Samantha Mumba and Louie ‘I smile all the time but really I’m a git’ Walsh.

Louie Walsh is manager for both the girls’ music careers and is definitely not in the slightest bit gay.

Can you believe the nerve of these people? Eating a meal - In the Ivy of all places?! Typical. It just makes us want to be sick.

Which is probably what Nadine had to be when Louie caught her ordering a starter.

Get pre-diet Nadine Coyle snaps on ebay.

[story by Chris Laverty]