Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrup brrrrrrrrrrrrrrup, big up yaself and everyone in ya crew. Massive respect and shout outs to MC Cockgrater’s posse.

Ahem, forgive us for a second, we almost lost ourselves. For a minute, we thought we were something we weren’t. You know urban, street or ghetto. But try telling that to poor Tim Westwood, the poor sod still thinks he’s a teenage gangster.

So why are we acting and speaking like pretend gangsters? Well moron, it’s like totally down to pop megastars N-Dubz influencing us via the sound of the dirty London streets. We’re now so hip and fly that we have got total maximum respect from everyone. But whilst we try to remain true to ourselves, N-Dubz are undertaking an image overhaul for when they attempt to break into the lucrative American market. After all, they don’t want to come off as complete tits like they do in the UK. They’ve learnt that lesson the hard way.

Straight away it’s clear that N-Dubz is an act not to be messed with. After all, they use a Z instead of an S in their name. Crazy? Idiotic? Stupid? Not at all, more like a deliberate act of total mentalism that probably stems from inside the brain of Dappy. We know he is fair superior to every other human on the planet due to the power of his hat. Take his precious headgear away and the poor bastard will be left squealing on the floor like a pig who’s had its own muck taken away.

At first, it did seem like N-Dubz were one of those novelty joke acts like Peter Andre, The Cheeky Girls and U2. However, they’ve stuck around for a while and made the whole country wince about the poor standard of rap music that we’re copying from America. After all, the USA has given us acts The Beastie Boys, Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre and, to a lesser extent, Vanilla Ice. What gets shit out of the UK arsehole of musical output? Bloody N-Dubz.

Now it’s all well and good in the UK where, with enough advertising, any idiot can get themselves a bit of fame and fortune. The UK public will lap up just about anything. A cow that can juggle chainsaws? Peg-legged gypsies? Check – they’re all things that would make the average moron bounce around in glee. But in America, it’s a different kettle of onions. Image is everything, and that’s why N-Dubz are going for an overhaul. Digitalspy reports:

“Dappy wants to freshen up his look. He’s not sure what style to go for but knows that nothing can be sacred – not even the hat which has been a huge hit with British fans. Tulisa thinks nobody in the US would take her seriously as a big-boobed blonde. She wants to be seen as the next Mariah Carey, not the next Pamela Anderson.”

Sadly, we can’t give any advice on style due to the fact out grannies still dress us, complete with build in plastic pants for easy spillage cleaning.

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