Kanye West Went to Jail for an Episode of Lost

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Remember a while back when Kanye West beat the crap out of some guy at LAX and dude pressed charges? Well, on Thursday Kanye finally served his time like the hardened criminal he is. He rolled into the Hollywood LAPD, turned himself in, was put in a jail cell, then walked out 49 minutes later.

After years of people being up my ass about not loving “Lost” I finally started watching it on Netflix. In the amount of time it takes me to watch half an episode of “Lost”, take a pee/snack break, then finish the episode, Kanye West got put in jail, served his time, and was then released. Justice at its finest.

Rihanna and Drake Continue to Play Games with my Heart

niggazinparisThis madness needs to end; my celebrity obsessive little heart can’t take it anymore. ARE THEY, OR AREN’T THEY?! Well, that’s the question that Rihanna and Drake keep forcing on their fans (but mostly me). Rihanna and Drake continued to confuse me this past week in Paris, where they were seen out canoodling together only to be followed by performing together at Drake’s concert.

Now, lot’s of performers bring out other performers to do duets with them in concert, but by the way these two were looking at each other and grinding on each other, can I please just go ahead and confirm that the Drake and Rihanna love is on and that every love song he’s rapped in the past few years have been about her? Ok, thanks #dreamsdocometrue

Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus Cry Out For Attention During Bangerz Tour

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File this under: bitch please. Or you can go ahead and cue the 1,000,000th joke about “Katy Perry Kissed a Girl…AND IT WAS MILEY CYRUS!” or some shit like that, but I refuse to use any sort of headline like that! I’m better than that (no I’m not), and I decided to go ahead and call a spade a spade. Like two drunk 19-year-old girls making out at a bar, Katy and Miley kissed in public for one reason and one reason only: attention.

Katy attended Miley’s shit show of a tour at the Staples Center in Los Angeles on Saturday night, because I guess she wanted eye and ear herpes to go with the genital ones John Mayer gave her, and while Miley was singing her meh song, “Adore You,” she spotted Katy in the crowd. So what did she do at the end of the song? Leaned down and kissed, Katy, of course, because she knew no one was going to write 20 million blogs about that (I’m such a sheep, I just give Miley what she wants).

Katy Perry Thinks Ancient Egypt Was All About Cheetos And Pole Dancing

katy perry dark horse videoKaty Perry is the musical equivalent of candy floss. Bright, sugary, and too much will leave you feeling a little sick and wondering why you thought it was a good idea to begin with.

Fresh from her ‘WHY DOESN’T ANYONE EVER THINK I’M IN THE ILLUMINATI?’ themed performance at the Brit Awards, Katy has released the new video for her single Dark Horse. Much like every other video she’s ever released, it’s complete with ridiculous wigs, over-the-top acting, and Katy looking all empowered whilst banishing evil men folk. We get it Katy, you got divorced once.

Taylor Swift Allegedly Gave Up her V-Card to Jake Gyllenhaal

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I might as well go bury my head in shame, because lately I have been all kinds of wrong. The other day I said Taylor Swift would probably lose her virginity to a stuffed Care Bear (as I assumed she was still a virgin because, come on, it’s Taylor Swift), but apparently she gave it up to Jake Gyllenhaal back when she was 20. Give me a minute because I just went into shock.

According to a source (aka Tiny Fey, because we all know she hates that little bitch), Taylor lost her virginity to Jake back when she was 20, after three months of dating. However, Jake totally hit it and quit it, and that’s what inspired the majority of the CD Red. For once, I kind of sympathize with Taylor Swift.

Billy Ray Cyrus has Created Something Worse Than Miley

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I hate to ruin your Valentine’s Day weekend, so I’m going to apologize for this post in advance. Believe it or not, before he played Miley’s dad on Hannah Montana, Billy Ray Cyrus had a music career of his own. Billy and his glorious mullet had an early-90′s country hit with the sweet jam “Achy Breaky Heart”; a song most people deny having ever enjoyed.

Well, apparently after all these years, Billy Ray decided it was time for a musical comeback, but instead of doing something fresh and new, he decided to stick with what he knew and released the masterpiece “Achy Breaky 2″ with Buck 22.

Lil’ Kim is Probably Pregnant with a Bratz Doll

blowupdollSometimes the world is full of strange surprises. Dogs become friends with turtles, New York and Jersey shut down over an inch of snow, and Lil’ Kim gets pregnant. Of course, given the amount of plastic she’s put in her body over the last 15 years, I’m going to have to assume that her child will come out as either one of two things: a Bratz doll or a Monster High doll. Start your bets now!

39-year-old Lil’ Kim performed at The Blonds Fashion Week after-party in New York City on Wednesday night and decided to announce her pregnancy at the show. I don’t know what I’m more shocked by in my previous sentence: that Lil’ Kim is only 39, that she’s pregnant with an actual human child, or that she still gets hired to perform at major events.

Rihanna and Drake Need to Make Up Their Damn Minds

rihrihanddrizzyI feel like I’m stuck in a Backstreet Boys song because Rihanna and Drake won’t Quit Playing Games with my Heart. Last time I wrote about these two, I was all like “yes! finally! make this shit happen and just be a couple!” But then, of course, they decided to cool off and haven’t seen together in months. Until Friday night!

The above pictures were taken of Rih Rih and Drizzy on Friday night while they were leaving Hooray Henry’s, on Beverly Boulevard. The two left only seconds apart from each other, but were spotted stepping into the same taxi. In my mind, this can only mean one thing: Drake and Rihanna are doing it again! (Well do YOU have a better theory?!)

Miley Cyrus Thinks She’s Punk Rock in W Magazine

miley cyrus kind of hot w magazineI saw this picture of Miley Cyrus on the new W Magazine cover and I was shocked. Yes, she’s naked, but bitch is always naked, but other than that she looks really high fashion and really, dare I say it, pretty. Miley is (surprise surprise) topless inside the magazine and flashes some nip, but those extensions and bleached brows are doing home girl a world of wonders.

The interview itself, which was conducted by journalist, ex-government advisor, genius, and all around dreamboat, Ronan Farrow, sheds some light on Miley’s personal life. It’s all pretty cool until she starts comparing herself to punk rock and Joan Jett. Where is Henry Rollins with a rant when you need him?

An American Horror Story: Fashion at the Grammys 2014

spookyscaryI will argue with anyone who will listen about how American Horror Story: Coven is hands down the best season of American Horror Story in every way possible. Those bad bitches make my week! Well, if you tuned in to the Grammys on Sunday night, you’d see that apparently I’m not the only big fan of American Horror Story: Coven.

This year’s Grammys were like my fashion dreams come true. So much spooky witch fashion, it was Coven meets The Craft and I died and went to all black heaven. Madonna was like The Supreme of the Grammys and she brought her entire witches in training army with her. If you don’t know what I mean by Supreme, you maybe shouldn’t be reading a blog with a lot of AHS references.