“This Is The End” Could Be The Greatest Movie Ever

this-is-the-endWritten and directed by the duo responsible for “Superbad” and “Pineapple Express,” “This Is The End” features Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson, and James Franco (who seems to be in every movie lately), playing exaggerated versions of themselves as they negotiate a catastrophe that not only threatens their lives, but leads one of them to drink his own pee.

The premise is this: James Franco hosts a party at his house and lots of famous people are there. Shit happens, people die, and the survivors dwindle to six. In the process, there’s a Superbad reunion, Hermione clocks Seth Rogen with the butt of an axe, a sinkhole swallows Aziz Ansari, and Michael Cera is impaled by a street light pole.

Audiences Confused When Spring Breakers Don’t Die Brutally at the End

spring-breakers-new-new-01 Spring Breakers audiences this weekend were left baffled as they exited cinemas across the country when the film did not result in the film’s main characters ultimately ending up in a snuff film arranged by James Franco’s character “Alien.”

While many professional critics have raved over the last several weeks about this film as a raw look into the nihilistic aggression of the hedonists among our wayward youth, average audience members with any goddamn sense knew that this was just an excuse for Harmony Korine to get a bunch of teenagers into bikinis and more provocative states of undress, make them look like morally bankrupt whores and call it “satire.” Said audience members thought the natural culmination of that would be in a brutal snuff ending. They were mistaken.

Michael Fassbender and Steve McQueen Trying to Become “Indie Film’s Most Dynamic Duo”

mcqueenfassbenderMichael Fassbender may be one of the hottest actors on the scene right now,but he isn’t letting that deter him from keeping his indie cred firmly established.

Once again teaming up with British director Steve McQueen (no known relation to the American film legend of the same name, though of course, you never know), for 12 Years a Slave, slated for a December 2013 release, the two are at it again in their bid to be called “The Independent Film World’s Answer to Scorsese and Dicaprio.”

10 Reasons Why a Tarantino Themed Restaurant Will Be Awesome

Tarantino Resturant

So you sit down at your booth, a replica from the Jack Rabbit Slim’s restaurant, and your waiter or waitress comes up to you wearing their black and white suit and tie and asks you if you’d rather have a Mr. Brown, a Mr. Pink or a Mr. White to wash down your Big Kahuna Burger with Jackie Hash Browns on the side?

But what’s a Mr. Brown, a Mr. Pink, or a Mr. White? You waiter or waitress tells you that such a tasty burger is going to need an equally tasty beverage to wash it down. They go on further to inform you that a Mr. Brown is a chocolate shake, a Mr. Pink is a strawberry shake and a Mr. White is a good old-fashioned vanilla shake. You ask them for a Mr. Blonde just as “Stuck In The Middle With You” comes over the jukebox.

Leaked Email Regarding Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Film

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

What’s up, Bay Z? Oh, sorry, Michael Bay Z. Let’s keep this thing formal. I got your email about working on a plot synopsis for your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.

I brainstormed really hard, took a few minutes and whipped one up. It’s an honor to take something that so many people like and change it almost entirely. Were gonna blow people’s minds with this one.

I tried to give it some of that Michael Bay flavor. Hope you like it!

The 7 Most Lovable Douchebags In TV And Film

kennypowersshades

Hi, welcome to the article 7 Most Lovable Douchebags In TV And Film, did you gain a bunch of weight recently or did your face just get pregnant?  Boom. Right out the gate, let’s come to a consensus for what and what does not constitute a douchebag.

Obviously the opening of this article was just an inquiry from a concerned friend about the maidenhood of your double chin, and should not in any way be construed as an example of exceptional douchebaggery. That being said, the overt smugness of that last sentence might be a good litmus test for what and what doesn’t make one a douchebag. Or does it?

JJ Abrams To Direct A Star Wars Film (And Become a God)

The Star Wars logo.

America used to be an optimistic place. We were certain that things would get better if we only put in the effort. Though Y2K was looming and the country would soon be ruled by the runt of the litter in George Bush Sr’s chimpanzee pen, there was a sense that everything was gonna be alright. Plus, new Star Wars movies were on the horizon. Remember the first three Star Wars? Those were awesome. 

How wrong we were to trust in the positive nature of humanity.

Daniel Day-Lewis Is The World’s Craziest Method Actor

Daniel Day-Lewis

I’ve never got the concept of method acting. To me, it just seems a very strange thing to do. You’re inhabiting this strange world on celluloid; why would you want to then act like a primadonna or an emotionally confused or scarred person when the cameras stop rolling? Yet some of the best actors we have seen have been method actors – and Daniel Day-Lewis is one of the best modern proponents.

He’s in Lincoln, which has managed to break all kinds of records for interest and box office attendance, because people want to know the story behind one of the most famous Presidents of the United States ever. And Day-Lewis is the man himself.

Spring Breakers Is Going To Piss Off Old People

The cast of Spring Breakers.

I’ve spent a lot of time looking at audience reactions to films, which is the same amount of time that everyone who has Facebook and Twitter has spent doing the same. It is because of this intense study that I’m pretty decent at gauging whether or not people will like a movie, based on the trailer.

However, despite my almost academic perseverance when it comes to reading someone’s all caps, one sentence review of Les Miserables, I cannot even begin to guess what people will think of the new film, Spring Breakers. Let’s look at the trailer and try to understand what all this madness is about.

Why Texas Chainsaw 3D Is Just Bizarre And Awful

Masks from the Texas Chainsaw 3D poster.

Texas Chainsaw 3D is the best film in the series since the original. However, it isn’t the best film because it’s a good movie. It’s the best film because it’s so bizarre that it’s fascinating. I’m not sure why the filmmakers chose to do it the way they did, but all in all, I was thoroughly entertained.

I don’t apologize for spoiling any part of the movie.