Say what you want about the Star Wars prequels, it’s still an unparalleled cinematic experience when the lights go down and the familiar John Williams fanfare kicks in with the logo and text crawl.
So it’s a feeling of impending cinematic doom when this new prequel/middle/sequel gets this simplest of iconic moments wrong!
Straight away you feel that your heading downhill with The Clone Wars as it replaces the text crawl with a voiceover narration that feels as jarring as it does patronising. As we get plumped straight into the action we have to get used to the new aesthetic style that matches a wooden finish with that of the prequel trilogy acting. It also dumps the classic musical themes of the saga, instead opting for, among other things, rock-style electric guitar. It’s as bad as it sounds, literally!
The plot concerns Jabba the Hutt‘s son being kidnapped, with the Jedis being sent on a rescue mission led by Anakin Skywalker and his new Padawan Ahsoka Tano. Ahsoka is destined to be the next saga character to get speared by the hardcore fanbase. Her entrance in which she nicknames Skywalker ‘Skyguy’ is as cheesy as it is annoying and she continues using this nickname along with other inventive quips throughout the film. Jar Jar, we miss you!
The director has decided to keep talking to a minimal luckily, as the film zooms by from action scene to action scene. Unfortunately none of them are as spectacular as they aspire to be, comparing poorly to that of the prequel trilogy, of which was hardly the pinnacle of excellence with their overreliance on CGI. In fact the film relies too much on action to keep the audience entertained, avoiding focus on its paper-thin plot and ends up making the space battles and lightsabre fights tiresome.
All of the prequel characters are chucked into the mix even if not needed, such as a strange diversion involving Padme and Jabba’s gay uncle from Kentucky, Ziro. Ziro is surprisingly enjoyable, only in a ‘so bad its funny’ kind of way, as he lords it up in his fluorescent gay bar. The characters remain faithful to their origins apart from Anakin whose dark edge is all but missing (because the film’s for kids don’t ya know), and it’s strange that he is given a Padawan not just because he was made a Jedi Knight reluctantly but also because Yoda contradicts himself somewhat.
The film isn’t worth these quibbles, as it will be lost in the deep dark Lucasfilm vault under ‘mistakes’ along with the Star Wars Holiday Special and aliens in Indy 4. If you’re a Star Wars fan that doesn’t want to see their precious saga tainted (can’t be many of you left) – then do not go within a 100 yard radius of this film. For everyone else – avoid like you would a Wookie who has just lost a game of chess!
[story by David Scarborough]