“I hope my child will be a good Catholic like me.” –Madonna
Madonna jokes about drugs; Britney drops babies. We all know some celebrities don’t quite have the parenting thing down pat. But as terrible as some of them may be, they don’t even come close to being as bad as a handful of other celebrity parents.
No one says being a parent is easy, but there are some stars out there who have really fucked things up for their kids.
From Joe Jackson to Joan Crawford, here are seven of the worst celebrity parents ever and just why they’re so shitty.
Michael Jackson, rest his soul, battled with being a controversial, eccentric nut case most of his life, and his physical appearance didn’t help. But you know what? He did pretty damn good for himself considering he had Joe Jackson as a father.
Joe (allegedly) bullied his children into becoming entertainers, physically abusing them and then taking credit for their accomplishments.
Some justify his behavior by saying he whipped his kids as much as anybody back then whipped their kids, but if there was any doubt about his awfulness, this should probably clear it up…
After Michael’s death, Joe appeared on CNN, where he was expected to talk about his son’s passing and funeral. He instead used the interview as an opportunity to plug his new business venture with his partner, Marshall Thompson. During the interview, Joe says:
“I want to make this statement. This is a real good statement here. Marshall and I we own a record company called … tell him.”
Thompson then breaks in, saying: “Ranch Records, it’s driven by Blu-ray technology, that’s his next step.”
If you’ve seen Ryan O’Neal in interviews lately, you know the guy has pretty much hit rock bottom. He’s made some mistakes, and you can tell he’s now full of regret. He admits he wasn’t the best father to his children, including daughter Tatum O’Neal and son Griffin O’Neal, both of whom have criticized their father openly. While his children were growing up, O’Neal faced addiction, legal issues and jail. As a result, he wasn’t around much.
But in his defense, he was also banging the hottest woman of the 70s, Farrah Fawcett. So that probably took up a lot of his time, too.
Actress Joan Crawford was such a horrible, abusive mother, that an entire book and subsequent movie documented her bad parenting. Her daughter, Christina Crawford, wrote a memoir, Mommie Dearest, which alleged that her mother had both verbally and physically abused her. Apparently, Joan flat out hated her kids. Others came forward supporting Christina’s claims.
An example of Crawford’s shitty parenting? Before her children spoke, they were required to ask, “Mommie dearest, may I speak?”
Hmm…abuse aside, that’s not a bad idea. Kids do talk a hell of a lot.
In 2003, Courtney Love lost custody of her daughter with Kurt Cobain, Frances Bean. She overdosed on OxyContin and was arrested for possession of hydrocodone and oxycodone. You’d think that’d make you want to clean up your act and get back in your daughter’s life again. But the key word there is “think,” and we’re talking about Courtney Love. This is the same woman who took heroin while she was pregnant.
Let’s see, where do we begin? Shopping around to sell a tell-all memoir about her daughter? Cashing in on Lindsay’s fame with a shitty reality show? A lifetime of being under the influence?
Sure, there’s all that (and then some), but I think when it comes to shitty parenting, this still from Dina Lohan’s Dr. Phil interview pretty much sums it up:
When your kid is fucked up on drugs before they hit puberty, it’s probably safe to say you’re a shitty parent. Jaid Barrymore took her daughter, Drew Barrymore, to Studio 54 on a regular basis, and by the age of nine, Drew was boozing and smoking. By 13, she’d discovered cocaine and had to enter rehab. At 15, Drew emancipated herself from her parents.
You gotta admit, she looks pretty damn good for someone who started drinking at age nine.
He had sex with his daughter, Mackenzie Phillips. ‘Nuff said.