Morrissey: ‘Let’s Attack Lab Workers’

Mountain-quiffed former Smiths frontman Morrissey has made the somewhat controversial move of threatening workers at a new Oxford-based animal research lab.

While playing at the city's New Theatre on Thursday, the middle-aged yelper decided to vent his spleen, launching a savage attack on the £20 million biomedical laboratory currently under construction nearby.

Labelling Oxford "the shame of England," Moz then stated:

"If you agree with vivisection, go and be vivisected on yourself."

The reason for all this, you see, is that Morrissey - once a seminal pop performer, now a mediocre hack churning out Virgin-Radio-friendly karaoke drivel - harbours a great deal of sympathy for various factions of the Animal Rights Militia.

Supporting these activists - a group of people whose prevailing moral philosophy when it comes to potentially life-saving medical experiments is "aww, a man put a needle in an ickle doggy-woggy and made it go to heaven" -  is something that has landed Morrissey in trouble in the past.

Earlier this year, Morrissey claimed that he understood:

"… why fur-farmers and so-called laboratory scientists are repaid with violence - it is because they deal in violence themselves and it's the only language they understand."

An interesting view, with a couple of minor logical flaws:

1 - Fur-farmers are a lot different than those feverishly researching potential life-saving medicine.

2 - People are more important than animals anyway.

Oh, well. If Morrissey is allowed to make sweeping generalisations, why can't we?

We could say something like… ooohh… that for the most part, the Animal Rights Movement comprises of a bunch of humanity-hating undereducated dullards trying to compensate for their overwhelming sense of failure and alienation by digging up old ladies and throwing bricks through windows, all in order to save a couple of rats (while simultaneously halting the process of scientific evolution as they do so).

Ah, well. All this vitriol has made hecklerspray tired. And when we get tired, we get hungry. Think we'll go for a burger.

Yeah, yeah … "meat is murder" and all that. Of course, we could argue that carnivorous tendencies are actually part of a healthy diet and are essentially irrepressible tendencies drilled into the human psyche through countless millennia of societal development.

Oh. And the fact that it's only a fucking cow.

Read More:

'We'll Get You,' Morrissey Warns Lab Workers  - IOL

[story by C J Davies]