Hooray! It's that time of year again where bands of all genres play to thousands of music lovers around the world.
And, thanks to its eclectic line-up and decent weather, Coachella is becoming one of the biggest. Hosted in a Californian desert, people flock from all over America to attend.
One of this year?s performers was Morrissey – a man so removed of happiness that a trip to a furniture shop, a stint watching paint dry and a visit to a cemetery bring more joy than an hour of his company. The much-publicised vegetarian got slightly pissy during his Friday slot as his nostrils sniffed the odour of burgers and other meaty delights. Of course he didn't keep his opinions to himself.
Morrisey may not know this, but for billions of years the species known as man has hunted and killed animals. He chomped on a tasty bit of animal and used its skin to keep warm for himself and his ladyfriend. It's only really been in recent years, after we gained some brains and stopped throwing spears at each other, that the idea of vegetarianism/veganism has spawned.
Vegetarians believe it's extremely evil to eat an animal to cure hunger and that person will end up in hell where a demon cow will punch him in the face every hour as a way of making up for his sins. For the more radical thinkers, there is something called veganism. Not eating an animal isn't good enough, so these people don't wear anything made from animals or use certain products if animal extracts are contained in them, like a hen?s eyeball in a car tyre or something.
Whilst we don't know the extent of Morrissey?s animal beliefs, we do know that he gets pretty worked up about the issue. On several occasions in the past, he’s mouthed off and told us all we're pretty bad for eating a helpless cow or a cute little pig. God help him if he stumbled over to certain countries in Asia.
During his performance at Coachella, Morrissey’s passion for spreading the joy of non-meat based products came out in force. Whilst we badly wanted him to be dressed as a giant stick of celery, handing out leaflets and confusing drugged up hippies, he didn't. NME reports that midway through the set, Morrissey said:
?I can smell burning flesh and I hope to God it’s human,” as the smell of barbecued meat from nearby food stands wafted through the air. A few minutes later, the famous vegetarian walked off the stage in the middle of ‘Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others’. He returned shortly afterward, saying, “The smell of burning animals is making me sick. I just couldn’t bear it.”
We can only assume that when he sulked off stage, he poured a bowl of fruit punch over his head whilst chanting out loud. ?MEAT IS EVIL! MEAT IS EVIL! MEAT IS EVIL! I AM MORRISSEY AND I WON?T LET THIS BEAT ME!? After finishing off a watermelon in three impressive bites, he returned to the stage to further depress the audience.
It's quite strange really when we actually sit down and think about the whole ‘Ooh eating meat is wrong’ issue. Yes, cuddly furry lambs are allowed to age for a few years before being butchered in to yummy Sunday roast. However, have you spared a thought for the poor roast potatoes, carrots, peas and pieces of broccoli that accompany them? They also had to grow from something and are subsequently a living organism. Therefore, you’re eating a living and growing thing, just like a animal. In the words of a sheep ?its baaaaaaaaaaaaad man?.
Therefore, all of you bloody whiney vegetarians and vegans have no argument to stand on. If you won't eat meat, don't eat vegetables/fruit either. You?ll have to survive on toilet duck or make a magic device that recycles leftover food. Sermon over. Next time, there will be more poo and wee jokes. We promise.
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Si says
‘Morrisey may not know this, but for billions of years the species known as man’ – lolol – haven’t read such ignorance on this site before. Humans have only been around a few hundred thousand years – which means your statement is THOUSANDS OF MILLIONS of years out.
If you have trouble with getting your facts correct (by THOUSANDS OF MILLIONS of years) perhaps you should try your hand at writing political speeches.
Come on Stu – employ writers that you haven’t had to pay 15 pence an article.
(yes i am vegetarian:) )
Ironlung says
olololo AXAXAXAXAX – like, huemans r olny 12,000 y/o when God (jesus christ) mad man like his imige. then he got agnry when dey 8 froot. jus shoes we shuldnt ate veg jus meet.
Jo Oldham says
You are an idiot and your views are Neanderthal. Humans have evolved since cavemen chomping on legs of bison etc, although it would you haven’t.
Grow up.
DW says
What a complete tool you are Matthew Laidlow. This is the first time i’ve been to this website but i will not be coming back and if i ever meet you i’ll be sure to tell you in person how much of tw*t you are. Get your facts straight before you waffle on about issues that you clearly no nothing about. I am meat eater by the way so this comment has purely been composed out of anger at your petulant, ignorant and “pissy” writing style. Get a grip and reel your neck in you no-mark.
FP says
What an idiot. I never thought somebody could be stupid enough to think humans have been around for billions of years! I applaud Morrissey for standing up for what he believes in. That takes balls, unline this plank who has to resort to trying to be controversial to get any sort of attention. Sad litte man…
Julian Mentat says
Could you explain something, Ironlung?
If God created Man, what the heck was he thinking of when he made Farts?
I can’t count the number of times I’ve been in an intimate situation with a hot bit of totty, trying desperately to keep my arse cheeks clenched and hoping she won’t want to take a look round the back.
Now you’re telling me that an almighty Deity, who supposedly loves me (but never writes) actually INVENTED botty-smoke and put it up my poo hole.
WHY?????
gir says
What the hell is wrong with you Laidlow? You were funny once.
carnivore says
I’m not a vegetarian and I enjoy a good chuckle at Morrisey’s expense on occasion. But this article is really stupid. The history of veganism in one sentence? Some kind of twisted logic about the rights of vegetables? Are you paid by the word or something? Were you even there? If this is supposed to be funny, you’ve failed miserably.
The organizers should have known about Morrisey’s pecularities and placed the food vendors away from the stage. And as far as vegan performers go, Paul McCartney is WAY worse when it comes to vegan demands.
A Piece of Broccoli says
Speaking as a piece of broccoli, I find Morrisey’s views offensive.
Ironlung says
for the lulz of course!
whats funnier? you getting laid? or you about to get laid and planting a guff in your lady’s hair?
or secret answer number 3? people picking up on “billions of years” and failing to see the use of intended exagerration to get a point across to all those pathetic tree eaters that; EFF EFF ESS, get off your friggin soapbox and have a steak!
and why the love-fest for morrissey? hes a cunt. and he looks at children in a way that most of us would get arrested for. check out some old clips of him on saturday morning kids shows. scary.
morrissey cant do shit without marr, you know its true so dont argue. hardly surprising. an asexual vegetarian? ROCK ON!
spongekill says
Morrisey is a whiny bitch, and his music blows without Johnny Marr to give him something worthwhile to sing to. I had no interest in seeing his crap set this year but I did hear this comment as I was passing the main stage. This was not an effort to promote vegetarianism or “stand up for his beliefs”, it was purely Morrisey indulging his ego in the most childish and petulant way imaginable.
What a pompous asshole, I hope he drowns in bacon grease.
Paul says
Meat rocks! I love bacon, heck I want to bath in it! I am a very compassionate human being, but has anyone heard of survival of the fittest? It is not wrong to eat meat. If you want to eat a f**kin tomato for dinner go ahead, but I’ll be wearing my cool arse leather jacket down to the local steakhouse to enjoy some fine eats. Will someone please tickle Morrisey’s balls so he can chuckle a bit? Thank you!
RedDawn says
Paul McCartney is a vegetarian and he went on right after Morrissey. Same stage, same audience, same smells, and yet McCartney managed not to pitch a fit. McCartney totally rocked for two and a half hours. Morrissey is just a Diva and a Prick.
pro-meat says
hilarious.
my favorite part about vegetarians? they’re all pro-choice.
well, my friends, i choose to butcher animals. cute ones too.
while they’re crying.
your mom says
Morrissey is and always will be an amazing singer/songwriter. With or without I think he has established himself as his own. I mean if that comment were to be made of anything i think it should be Johnny Marr. And why are the assholes surprised Morrissey made these comments. What other artist has lived up to their beliefs. I mean, active PETA member, with songs likes Meat is Murder. Paul McCartney pales in comparison to Morrissey ‘s talent. To use the word rock bnext to Paul McCartney is like describing Charles Manson as saintly.
Pandehigo says
The most misinformed article I have read in a long time. I just hope the author doesn’t get paid for writting this cr*p.
Fair paly to Morrissey for standing up for what he velieves.
ffs says
another self righteous idiot, i have many friends who are vegetarians (well most of them eat fish), if you’re a vegetarian because you couldn’t bare the thought of eating an animal or simply don’t enjoy the taste, that’s completely fair, just like some people don’t like chocolate while most do. but if you are trying to make a moral statement, then you’re an idiot who needs to slap yourself in the face and wake up. news flash, more animals die under combine harvester than a slaughter house, the very machines that collect your food. yes they are much smaller animals like squirrels and rabbits, but are you saying a cow’s life is more worthy? everything around you that you’ve taken for granted has resulted in countless number of animal deaths, directly or indirectly. hell, the oil you use has probably resulted deaths of humans in a foreign country you have not heard off, but hey, who gives a shit about some lowly humans when the chickens are safe. if you don’t want to have anything to do with all this (this meaning the modern society), go and live in the forest and grow your own crop.
morrisey’s act here is just as bad as racism, or homophobia, instead of hating on certain race group or sexual perference, he hates on people with certain diet just because his was different, it was embarrassing and childish, i hope he makes an apology to his fans for this outrage.