Annnnd we’re back! For the majority of May our server was down and I was tending to a new born so I ended up missing out on blogging about a lot of VERY important things.
Typically, I’d just say fuck it and move on with my life, but some really bloggable things happened in May so I clearly need to weigh in and give you all an official Heckler Spray May Update!
First and foremost, the most important thing that could have possibly happened in celebrity pop culture happened in May, and no, I’m not referring to Prince Harry getting married, because I’m not my mother and give zero fucks about royal weddings. No, I’m referring to Bella Hadid and The Weeknd CLEARLY being back together!
After months of speculation that these two were on the brink of getting back together, they showed up at the Cannes Film Festival together attending movies, making out at parties, and The Weeknd sitting front row at one of Bella’s fashion shows. CLEARLY no one is happier about this than me, which is extremely fucking sad as I am a 31-year-old mother of two who should really have bigger priorities in her life.
Drake has also had an extremely busy month. A lame ass rap battle between him and Pusha T has revealed that those rumours of Drake knocking up a pornstar last year are PROBABLY true, as Pusha claimed in his rap that Drake fathered Sophie Brussaux’s baby son, Adonis, and Us Weekly recently confirmed that Drake has secretly been financially supporting the two! Only time (and a DNA test) will tell if this is true, but if Drake has been hiding his child for months that really takes away from his whole good guy image, but also explains why Rihanna also said this month that she’s not even friends with his ass anymore (snap!)
More recently in May, Roseanne Barr got her show canceled for being racist on Twitter and blamed it on Ambien, and speaking of being racist on Twitter, Donald Trump and Kim Kardashian recently got together to discuss prison reform because we are 100% living in an episode of Black Mirror.
The moral of it all is that everything is a mess, but as long as Bella and The Weeknd are back together I’m fine! It’s good to be back!