Miss World 2008 Won By The Dirty Ruskies
The two big beauty contests on the planet are Miss Universe – where everybody openly hates America – and Miss World.
Miss World doesn’t hate America. Or if it does, at least it’s clever about it. For instance, just look at who won Miss World 2008 this weekend – America’s arch enemy Russia.
Russia’s Kseniya Sukhinova has been crowned as the new Miss World, and she’s a worthy winner. Not just because she looks good in a bikini, though – Sukhinova also excelled in the ‘fashioning a small boat out of raw materials’ and ‘kicking footballs’ rounds. Honestly. Truly she is the pinnacle of humanity.
Hey Russia, we’re getting a little bit sick of you and your monomaniacal insistence on winning every single ridiculously outdated, culturally-irrelevant talent show this year. It was bad enough when you won the Eurovision Song Contest earlier this year, but now you’ve won Miss World 2008 too. Seriously Russia, if you even think of entering a team of ruthless professionals in the Gloucestershire Cheese Rolling Festival next year we won’t be held responsible for our actions.
But in a way it’s completely fitting that the new Miss World should be Russian. After all, Miss World is a hopelessly anachronistic throwback to a more casually sexist patriarchal age, where women were happy to objectify themselves in front of a panel of sneering men who were only there because they knew they’d probably get a Vaseliney blowjob out of it.
Or, in short, a throwback to the last time that Russia made a decent bid at being a global superpower. We’re not joking – chuck in a round where the contestants have to swallow a microfiche capsule and make off on a jetpack and Miss World would be a perfect replica of the James Bond novels.
However, that’s not to dismiss the efforts of the new Russian Miss World, Kseniya Sukhinova, who managed to win the judges over with her sparkling personality, dedication to charity, obvious intellect and the way that her tits looked in a bikini. And, obviously, her boat-building skills, as the Press Association reports:
“I am so happy to be here,” she said of South Africa, which was hosting a record-breaking sixth Miss World final. “I am so excited. It’s amazing.” In addition to the swimsuit and modelling segments, the 109 contestants competed in a “pentathlon” that included building a small boat and taking football penalty kicks; a talent show; and an event showcasing their charity work.
So congratulations to Kseniya Sukhinova, not only for being crowned Miss World 2008, but also because she chose to enter that contest and not Miss Universe – a beauty pageant so full of pratfalls and booing and drug-fuelled sex orgies that it’s basically Jackass with boobies.
But, of course, the real winner of Miss World is host nation South Africa because, by putting on Miss World without a hitch, it has shot down doubts that it’s ill-equipped to host the 2010 World Cup. Although we’re not so sure.
After all, Miss World is a competition full of drearily monosyllabic jumped-up preening idiots who can’t go more than ten paces without stopping to check their hair or bursting into tears for no reason, and the World Cup is…
No, we take it all back. South Africa will be brilliant at hosting the World Cup.
Mental boy!!!
you r so obviosly jealous that russia’s been recently winning around! you r just showing to the rest of the world why we DO hate america. because of spiteful and dumb people like you living there and killing the country’s image.
“After all, Miss World is a hopelessly anachronistic throwback to a more casually sexist patriarchal age” — I’m sure you’d say that. Unless an American wins the Miss World contest of course. But that wouldn’t happen until you actually make a decent bit. As to Eurovision, I’m glad you’d never win it – simply for not being part of Europe. Seriously. Do you really think you know anything about Europe (and Russia, to that matter), sitting there at your PC with your beer and chips and watching CNN? Keep living in your parallel universe. And I’ll keep being amused from reading your smart-ass commentaries.
Who’s going to tell Sttijn, then? I’m not sure I’ve got the heart…
Gor blimey Stu me ol’ mucker, this bloke’s got us bang to rights here, what?
Tania/van der Plaatzen;
H’spray is a Finnish site, not American. Get your facts straight before you get your dander up. Idjuts.
like to know how come miss India get a longer to speak and miss Trinidad get lest then miss India to speak i think they cheat miss Trinidad…. miss Trinidad and miss India answer was the best … i still don’t understand how Miss Russia, won her answer was so poor ? I’ve lost all faith in Miss world. the the whole world know they cheat miss Trinidad ..and they are watching…. it was on radio this morning what they did to Miss Trinidad .
issues with the bias unmannerly male host who clearly was supporting miss south Africa. this man had no manners whatsoever.. he just pulled away the mic from Trinidad mid sentence….. it was shocking not to mention rude!!
they should do a RECOUNT… they will never do a recount Because if they do one and they found out there was a mistake they will feel ashamed and ever one will be laughing at Miss world
Well, well, what we have here: just another story about ‘Russia The Creepy’.
What a fine example of the brainwashed mind and russofobia!
Where is your infamous democratic tolerance, eh?
Are you that afraid and envious of Russia, little one?)
I’m very, very sorry for you and those who share the same opinion, simply based on the various prejudices.
Hope, that someday you’ll realise your mistake and become a better man.
Best wishes,
Yaroslava.
P.S.
I have to apologize for the quality of my English–it’s only my third native language)
Hi All
The winner has been choosen and nobody can do anything. Yes i found the presenter to be brash regarding Angola, by just passing her and not allowing her to speak, that was rude!!. But the choice for Miss World still stems from Julia Morley not event the judges have a say. Judges are a bluff, front if you ask me. I still believe even though Tansey Coetzee was on home ground she deserved to win. Personally i am tired of India Trinidad & Tabego Russia and Venezuela. But i suppose who pays the most money to Julia Morley for they’re girl to win!! all about money & politics.