Miracles Do Come True – Ryan Gosling And Eva Mendes Broke Up

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Eva Mendes and Ryan GoslingOh Santa baby!  This year the big guy in red obviously left the granting of Christmas wishes to Mrs. Clause, because women everywhere just got the best damn present.  Rumors are swirling that the world’s most handsome feminist, Ryan Gosling, has broken up with girlfriend, Eva Mendes.

Of course, with news of a possible breakup, there are also rumors of Gosling getting back together with his true lady love, Rachel McAdams.  While The Notebook fan girl in me swoons at the thought, let’s just bask in the glow in the light of a single Gosling.  Tonight, I’ll be dreaming of that sweet sweet face under some mistletoe.

Meow.

Ryan Gosling has been keep his dick under lock and key with Eva Mendes for about 2 years now.  Recently though, they’ve discovered they might have been moving ‘too fast’ in their relationship, and want to slow things down.  Except 2 years with no marriage, babies, or arrests, isn’t really that slow.  Especially when you are 33 and 39 years old (Mendes is older.  Lucky cougar bitch).

And really, you can’t go backwards when that much time is invested.  You can’t move in together, then decide to go back to separate living spaces, and think you are still going to work out.  You undo progress, which means this is terrible news for their longevity as a couple but wonderful news for Rachel McAdams (who you know has magazine cutouts of Ryan all over the inside of her closet door with a big “NOAH N ALLIE 4 EVA” sign).

What is making it worse, is that McAdams has been single for the last few months, and allegedly has been making some middle of the night phone calls to Goslings.  Ryan still has some feelings for his old love, and all of Rachel’s “If I’m a bird, you’re a bird” post it notes have been drudging up some temptations.

Mendes’ inner Chiquita doesn’t appreciate that skinny bitch encroaching into her territory and whispering sweet nothings to her manfriend (using the term ‘boyfriend’ when you are more than 3 decades into life is weird), and it’s causing a massive rift.

Another point of contention is that Mendes has a ticking time bomb in her uterus and the only cure is a BABEH.  Meanwhile, while Gosling knows his sperm would be integral to create the new Messiah of adorableness, he isn’t ready to trade in his hipster scarves for burp clothes just yet.  Now, it is understandable why Eva would have a bad case of the fetus fever, she is almost 40, it has become a problem in her relationship since Ryan isn’t ready.

On the total opposite side of the coin, Mendes may want the babies, but it’s Gosling who wants to put a ring on it.  Mendes has always been very open about the fact that she doesn’t really see the need in getting married, but Gosling is a traditionalist who wants the commitment before the Lamaze class.  He wants the dream of a lifetime of happiness in the form of a legal contract.  Ugh, doesn’t that just make him even more dreamy?

Of course, having these two very contradictory stories from unnamed “sources” means there probably is nothing true to any of it, and that they probably are still dating just fine, and will continue to be all fucking cute together, blah blah blah.   But hey a girl can dream right?

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Comments

  1. Ann WallisBrown says

    Cougar she may be, but to settle down with and raise a family?? I don’t think so, our Ryan is too clever to do that!!

  2. Mery says

    Who the heck wrote this? They are still together for gods sake. Cougar? 39! 6 years older than him and she is one of the hottest and smartest women alive.
    And yes: ingest some lye!!!!

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