Here’s a guest blog by the angelic Amy Grindhouse…
Miley Cyrus has reassured a panicked Angelina Jolie that she is not stalking her and that she does not have a girl crush on her. Sources say the emergency sniffer dogs and snipers have been called off.
The pint-sized pop singer had previously scared the bejeesus out of Saint Angelina and Angie's marauding horde of celebrity worshipers on Oscar Night by declaring ?She's beautiful?she could, like, adopt me!?
Thankfully, for all those concerned, security was tight on the night and so nobody over-excitedly assaulted or adopted anybody they should not have.
Saint Angie and her blessed womb presumably bobbed and weaved and avoided the shrill tween star, lest she be ‘sad faced’ by those undeniably chubby cheeks and weepy eyes and tricked into welcoming Miley into her brood.
You all know Miley’s ‘sad face’ right? It was the same one that she used on her daddy when she asked if it was okay to date a post-tween, buff male model aged 20-years, Justin Gaston. Well, one cannot know that was the method used for sure, but she must have either stuck out her bottom lip so far that she could have drowned in her own dribble as a result, or Daddy Cyrus is even more of a soft touch than his detractors think he is.
Baby-faced Miley is apparently keen for the world to know that her stalker tendencies are not anything for the FBI to get their panties in a bunch about. In fact she says that her mild obsession with worshipping at the Holy Church of Saint Angie is far short of anything that should be considered a Brangaloonie ‘girl crush’.
From OK magazine:
?I don't have a girl crush on Angelina, but I definitely think she's super beautiful and anyone that says she's not pretty is lying to you because she is gorgeous,? Miley said. ?She's really unique and never scared to step over the line and be crazy and be herself. I like that.?
There you have it, emergency averted. The sanity, sexuality and parentage of the Hannah Montana star are assured.
Mind you, given her choice of man, maybe swinging the other way for someone as smoking hot as Angelina would not be such a bad way to go. Better a bisexual saint with a baby obsession, than a man-tanned underwear model with ‘gay face’ so potent that it could make Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford go green with envy.
That was a guest blog by the effortlessly wonderful Amy Grindhouse. Read her and weep. No, that’s not right…
You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!
Bobby James says
Nice mouth!
Daureen Keyes says
DEAR MILEY,
You need to stop stalking people. Its just wrong. You are a girl she is a girl… bad.
angel says
lol miley is right……
Amy says
Damn that is how her face will look like when i chop off her head and stuff it in the oven for me to devour!!!YUMMY!!!!