We get it Miley; you’ve outgrown Disney and will stop at nothing to shed your Hannah Montana image. Tattoos, kissing girls, questionable scars, drug rumors—you’re really outdoing yourself, except for the part where it’s all pretty much old hat.
As cool as your acts of rebellion are, I just wanted to tell you that we aren’t buying it. The carefully constructed image of chaos you’re trying to pawn off on the public is interesting and all (ZOMG a pixie-cut!?!?!) but just know that the only intervention we think you need is one to cure the over-the-top love affair you have going on with yourself.
Hey, it needed to be said.
Apparently the journalistic genius that is Star alleged that insiders are “very worried about her.” However, I think we can all agree that the people she surrounds herself with could care less about Miley even if she were in dire need of an intervention. You know for a fact her parents wouldn’t turn that cash cow in even if she went full-blown Britney.
I mean, come on. Her mom fucking lunches with Kris Jenner, which probably means a we are in store for a Miley sex tape in the very near future. No word yet if she’ll agree to getting peed on.
There’s just one small problem with her newfound “I’m so hard” image: The public just isn’t dumb enough to believe that the latest contrived actions of the 19-year-old pop star are really any cause for worry. She’s self-absorbed, not out of control—there’s a big difference.
Miley and her people just release her own press then deny it. I’m not hating on her for trying to game the system, I just think her discretion of what she’ll do for attention is reaching the point of being too annoying to stay quiet about it.
The Hair Cut
Let’s first get this straight—The haircut is boring. Pink has rocked that ‘do for years and I don’t remember it being in any headlines, probably because it wasn’t a manufactured stunt grounded in narcissism.
Gossip mags are in a tiff regarding whether it is a sign Miley needs help, apparently unaware that hair grows back and she has enough money to get extensions should she tire of it.
How can we take Miley seriously when she still duck faces in a photo to show off how hard her new cut is? Along the same lines, as Miley continues to get tattooed till her skin can’t breathe, when are we supposed to let her know that the ink she keeps getting just come off as trying too hard?
I’m all for people choosing what they want (it’s their body afterall), however priding oneself on not listening to the critics and then proceeding to tattoo messages essentially speaking to them has to make you laugh. Luckily, we can laugh as loudly as we like since she can’t hear the chuckles; the word LOVE is tattooed on her ear. Flawless. Logic.
The Drug Rumors
I’m not totally sure if we can really term it all rumors since there is a video of her taking a hit out of a bong of what she claims was salvia.
Sure, her new skinny frame exaggerates her vodka-puffy face, but it’s all part of the Cyrus PR master plan. She’s skipping over subliminal messaging to change her image and going straight for superluminal. It’s almost as if they are taking pages out of the Christina Aguilera “How to stop being Disney and start being dirrrty” book of image consulting.
Some people argue she is partying like most people her age and to “just let her live.” Others are claiming she is out of control and is headed to be Hollywood’s next casualty, or at the very least the next resident rehabber.
I’ll just throw it out there that I’m pretty sure most kids under 21 aren’t at nightclubs where bottles are $500 and people are making it snow. Kids her age are probably in college or working their ass off for minimum wage. I’m sure they are partying, but there’s one key difference: Miley’s leaked party photos only get her more press, while the regular kids her age get fired.
Miley posing in a mirror, trying to look hard with a trashed house in the background wasn’t a mistake. She could afford to have someone throw rose pedals at her feet while she walked, Coming to America-style, so I’m sure she could easily have someone cleaning up her rented apartment.
The point is that she wanted the public to see her house like that to see how hard she is. No one takes that many personal pictures without an end goal. I guarantee she took at least four or five of those to get it just perfect. The only thing is that a real rock star doesn’t need to flaunt their lifestyle because they are too busy living it. Miley fans can rest easy knowing she could never OD because she’d be too busy trying to document it.
Bride-to-be or Bi-sexual?
Just like her playing rock star isn’t fooling anyone, neither is her soon to be short-lived engagement to Liam Hemsworth.
Reports have recently come out that Miley was seen kissing another girl. Shockingly, the “insider” said she seemed to just be doing it for attention.
Stop. The. Presses.
So Miley isn’t spiraling out of control with drugs and partying, but rather crafting stunt after stunt and then planting stories to perpetuate her fame and reinvention of herself?!?!
I, for one, am just waiting until she finally pulls out something original. If she’s essentially going to filibuster the popular press with her antics, can’t she make it worth our time?
Consider this a challenge, Miley. I believe in you. Show us what you got lil’ momma.