Did you know that Miley Cyrus designed and built the Large Hadron Collider completely by herself? Well she did.
Because Miley Cyrus is intelligent. She says she’s more intelligent than any of us think. Admittedly that’s not hard – our intellectual expectations of Miley Cyrus are so low that she could burn the side of her face by confusing a hot iron for a ringing telephone and then spend three hours repeatedly clattering into a closed patio door with a confused look on her face and we’d still be impressed.
Miley Cyrus didn’t invent the Large Hadron Collider, by the way.
This is set to be one of the biggest weekends of Miley Cyrus’ life. No, not because she’s threatened to financially alienate her parents forever unless they buy her an Easter egg that’s the exact size and density of Luxembourg, it’s because tomorrow sees the start of her career as an above-the-title movie star with the release of Hannah Montana: The Movie.
It’s a big risk for Miley Cyrus to take – although signs are good thanks to the success of her other film work like that 3D concert movie of hers and Bolt, the comparative failure of the Jonas Brothers movie could be a sign that the tween bubble is about to burst. Also, anyone who pays to see Hannah Montana: The Movie is a galactic tosspot who deserves to fail in every aspect of their life.
Not that Miley Cyrus is worried about any of it, though. She’s got it all planned out. You know why? Because Miley Cyrus is so much smarter than anyone gives her credit for. Sure, she doesn’t go to school, she shares 50% of her DNA with the performer of the worst song in history and she’s so rich that she’s constantly surrounded by people who’ll tell her she’s right even when she’s obviously, glaringly wrong. But still, Miley Cyrus says she’s smart so she must be smart. Look, this is what she told Reuters:
“I almost feel like people think of me as dumb,” said Cyrus, who recently created her own personal “Rumor Patrol” blog on MileyCyrus.com. “I’m like, I’m smarter than you think. You know, I understand what you’re trying to do. It’s all a mind game and what not… It’s really important to me that people think of me as a real artist.”
Oh screw it. You know what? Yes, Miley Cyrus, you are more intelligent than we thought. Those semi-naked pictures of yourself that you posted on the internet were obviously a challenging statement about the media’s sexual idealisation of youth. And that time you made your eyes all slitty in an uncomfortably racist-seeming photograph? Clearly a comment on western paranoia due to the emergence of China as a new global superpower based in part on the teachings of Fareed Zakaria in his tome The Post-American World.
And all that other mental crap that comes spurting out of Miley Cyrus’ mouth like a constant torrent of clueless, badly-thought-out sewage that everybody does their best to ignore but can’t? Well that just proves that Miley Cyrus functions on a much, much higher level than the rest of us. Either that or she’s just preposterously gormless. Who knows?
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Lily says
Well said!!!! She should be “intelligent” enough to know that she’s the one who pulled the media frenzy over herself. I’m waiting for her downfall, I really am.
Julian Mentat says
The really smart thing to do would be to invent a Small Hadron Collider.
Because – and you can Google this – right now nobody is colliding the Small Hadrons.
david says
just leave miley cyrus alone. she’s never done anything to u idiots. i am a guenuis so i can hack on the internet get u in the trouble of ur miserble lifes u asshole
Olaf the Belmer says
Guenuis – a small, furry rodent common to the marshlands of the internet. It has a distinctive, wheedling call and feeds on worms, insects and Peperamis. It mates rarely if at all (and then mainly with its right forepaw while dribbling over images of tweeny country singers with weirdly old voices) and is in danger of extinction as a result.
twiggy says
Miley is a low life person inside i can not stand her at all. She does not desrive to be Miss Hanana Monton either she is a descrace to the Hanana Monton fans and everything that they belive her to be.
twiggy says
she is the most ungreatful person in the world I can not stand her. she thank she is miss perfect when she is not and she is not the innocecent person in the world either. so take that man.
... says
i feel bad for miley cyrus because no matter what she does everybody mocks her and looks down on her … im not a huge fan of her after all the photos and stuff but people makes mistakes and should be forgiven for those mistakes and none of us really know her or what she is like, we are just fed infomation through the media that for some reason we feel the need to believe … so why do we have an right to judge her unless you know her.
i dont care about any nasty replys to this comment.