It seems perfectly clear to us that, at this point in her career, Miley Cyrus is desperate to grow up.
Just look at everything she’s done. In the last two weeks alone, Miley Cyrus has given a lapdance to a 44-year-old gay man and released a pop video where she writhes around in a corset. Whatever could be next? Will she pose for Playboy? Will she introduce daggering to the American pre-teen market? Will she dropkick a puppy from the back of a moving flatbed lorry into a field full of loaded mousetraps? We just don’t know.
But one thing’s for sure – Miley Cyrus definitely won’t be doing anything risque when she appears on Dancing With The Stars this week. Producers have apparently warned her that it’s a family show, and that any sexiness will be punishable by being made to listen to some of Buzz Aldrin‘s boring old moon stories.
Dancing With The Stars is not a sexy show. Yes, it routinely features several attractive young men and women contorting themselves around in microscopic scraps of spandex, but you need to remember that the only people who watch Dancing With The Stars are pensioners with sex organs that shrivelled up some time in the early 1980s. People don’t watch Dancing With The Stars to see sex, they watch it to remind themselves of the children who never call them any more.
And that’s why everyone is getting so antsy about Miley Cyrus’s Dancing With The Stars performance this week. Miley is becoming a grown-up so fast – what with all the lapdances and the slightly bondagey music videos she’s been dishing out lately – that people are genuinely fearing the worst about what she’ll do. It is live television after all, so there’s nothing really stopping Miley from deliberately flashing her breasts like Janet Jackson, or pulling down her pants and farting a pitch-perfect rendition of the French national anthem with her eyes crossed, or anything like that.
Which is why the Dancing With The Stars producers have warned Miley that she’d better be on her best behaviour this week. MSNBC reports:
?Her rehearsals of the song have been fine, but the show is on live but when Adam Lambert rehearsed for the American Music Awards, he didn't do anything controversial during rehearsals, either,? said one source. ?(Cyrus has) been told that she can be herself, but there?d better not be any surprises.?
Of course, nobody wants a repeat of Adam Lambert’s AMA performance. It’d be unthinkable if Miley Cyrus ended her song by kissing a boy. Or kissing a girl. Or whatever the nearest thing to what Adam Lambert did is. A stunt like that could be disastrous for Miley’s career. After all, just look what it did to Adam Lambert. It briefly made him the most famous person on the planet. Ugh.
But still, we can’t shake the feeling that this is all just a ruse to make people watch Dancing With The Stars this week. We don’t know what’s worse. Watching Dancing With The Stars to see the dancing, or watching Dancing With The Stars in the vain hope that a 17-year-old girl might get her bum out. Let’s just play it safe by presuming that anybody who watches Dancing With The Stars this week is an irredeemable bastard. Deal?
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natalie says
b gud miley
sasha says
Do you really need to link Adam Lambert to your story?? Are you only wanting more hits??
russ3170 says
get alife you wowser . and stop sucking off miley for your money . people like you twist things and the simple minded and gulable suck it up . YOU LOOSER . GO MILEY give them your best .
Miley Fan says
Come on…Get a life!!! she’s doing what she want!!! GIVE HER A BREAK…If she did a lap dance it doesn’t mean that she’s a whore or what u’ve written!!!! she’s learning the right from the wrong…leave the girl alone!!!! Gosh,it’s so anoying how much ppl care!! you just look at the bad side of her…Look at the good side,she’s a big star…she has her own life & she doesn’t need ur opinion….Get a life!!!
Matthe Sobel says
Miley has turned into a dutee ho… Jamaikan style baby. My rabbi says stay away from tainted meat and dis be dat. I think she’s had too much disney and is ready to produce the real goods now..why shouldn’t she? She has hormonals too.
halo says
Gotta love google lead day!!
GET A SENSE OF HUMOR PEOPLE
OR WIKI “SNARK”
Jeez
Lola says
What exactly did it do to Adam Lambert career? He’s been extremely successful.
riaface says
Liek, ohmigod, I cant belive you are so nasty to Miley your all just JEALUS cos she is livin her dream and you arent. Miley luvs god and wud never be bad. your the whorz! keep on truckin Miley!!!!!!Sorry, I got caught up in it all.
Lee says
No whores don’t do lap dances – not much. Keep telling yourselves that. I’ve heard the arguments & even from her own father that that’s how teens dance & she’s just having fun. Billy Ray must be one real proud papa – way to sell out your kid for money. Well she may be “having fun”, but normal teens with normal parents don’t want their daughters lap dancing at age 16 or 17 or for that matter, ever. This society has sunk to a new low when every explicit act people perform even on live tv is ok.
Laurie says
If she can fart pitch perfect, I’d pay money to see that. Now we’re talking entertainment.
Terri says
Deal !
mfan says
Miley’s past performaces on Dancing With The Stars have been either very sweet or epic. I’m sure she won’t disappoint us whatever she does. But mainly, I WANT SOME OF THAT PALMERS CREME STUFF!
Buuhhh..... says
But…but…I like Miley and can’t understand why anyone would make fun of her! Why, God, why is this happening?!?!?! ANSWER ME!!!!!!!
*wets self then sits in cooling puddle of piss googling other sites on which to whine and misspell ‘loser’ as ‘looser’*
lilywhite says
It’s my favorite day. Nearly every day!