‘Slant-Eyed’ Miley Cyrus Angers Millions Everywhere

If what we’ve heard is correct, then Miley Cyrus is a horrible racist who hates the Japanese, loathes the Chinese, and has built hundreds of Eskimo concentration camps out of things like murky sea-ice and decomposing whale bones.

We wouldn’t convey information like that without concrete evidence to back it up – we just wouldn’t! That’s why we need to tell you Miley definitely hates the entire Asian race because she recently allowed her picture to be taken while her pasty white fingers pulled her eyes back at a very tight angle.

Adolf started similarly, but with a more Jewish flare.

Miley Cyrus is the great destroyer as foretold in the Bible, the National Enquirer, and probably in the vast majority of Nostradamus‘ girly, flower covered personal journals. Better to know than not to know, right? Now at least we can formulate a basic ideas of how to fight her.

For instance, we should probably form a military alliance with France and Russia. That would seem prudent.

Miley’s first step in destroying all that is now, or ever has been holy, is to mock Asian people’s general appearance. No, not their stereotypical button up and collared office apparel – their eyes!

All Headline News describes her racist rampage in incredible detail:

“The Organization of Chinese American (OCA) said in a statement: “The photograph of Miley Cyrus and other individuals slanting their eyes currently circulating the internet is offensive to the Asian Pacific American community and sets a terrible example for her many young fans.” Executive Director of OCA George Wu said: “Not only has Miley Cyrus and the other individuals in the photograph encouraged and legitimized the taunting and mocking of people of Asian descent, she has also insulted her many Asian Pacific American fans.””

Well that last bit, the part about her Asian Pacific American fans being upset and offended, just sounds made up all together. That’s because although Miley has green-lit her music to be releases as mp3s, CDs and vinyl, she’s never once issued any songs in a coconut-friendly format. Hence – there is no way any Pacific islanders would count themselves in her fan base.

We’re on to you, Wu. Like House on the chickenpox, we’re on to you.

Of course the Cyrus camp denies any level of racist intent. That’s why in their published retort Miley almost said:

“I have not now, nor have I ever condoned any form of racism. Now, how come the rim of my pineapple drink tastes like a Mexican finger?”

Well that seems like an odd way to assuage fears of a racist superstar.

Famous people just lose touch.

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  1. Ironlung says

    these bloody round-eyes, eh? don’t they know that all people look alike?

    just for the record we are: grey, people shaped, two dots for eyes, and an arced line for a mouth. usually in the sad position. because the world is such a sad place to be!

  2. Julian Mentat says

    This is pathetic, because her father should have the EASIEST time raising her.

    The rest of us have to explain to our kids about hurt feelings and the history of racism and equality, etc., which is difficult when we don’t KNOW the stuff.

    But all Mr. Cyrus had to say was “Don’t offend the Asian demographic or you stand to lose $1,000,000,000″

  3. tim gonzales says

    wow and this isn’t a big surprise to anyone i mean look at her photo scandal. and ther credit card issue as well you can’t say you didn’t see this coming from her.

  4. green says

    yes Tim all teens that go over the $300 limit on a credit card at an amusement park and have taken pictures of there naked backs are expected to slant there eyes at cameras. Apparently you don’t have a myspace account.

  5. says

    0MG!I Jus’t Can’t Believe This! MY VERY OWN IDOL JUST CANNOT DO THIS! But, I Feel Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Bad After Hearing This! Miley, I Wish I Could Meet You And Explain U That This All Is NOT RIGHT!!! How Come U Could Do This? Nevertheless I Still Like U

  6. BillHoo says

    This is all just a ploy to hide her recent 10 pound weight gain! She and Britney probably gorge on smores together!

  7. Angie says

    You have lost your fans , Miley. You know the msot of the population of the world is predominantly Asian, and we are growing, technincally and population wise. So don’t make fun of us, you know, you just made fun of people who were friends, and now recycle (ECO) your magazines.

  8. Anonymous says

    I’m asian and was NOT offended at all when I saw these pictures. Everyone does it, when we were young we all did the “Chinese, Japanese, etc.” game with our eyes. She’s the same as all of us and she’s just having fun. Get over it.

  9. Bekka says

    The more interesting point here is how many people jumped to the conclusion she was making fun of Asian people. It says a lot about our culture and shows just how many people stereotype Asians. The people who were outraged either look for the worst in people or have the stereotype in their head that all Asians have slanty eyes. It never occured to anyone she was just making a silly face.

  10. Ishikawa says

    Seriously? This article is a pieces of shit.

    Whoever wrote this is an ignorant person, much more so then Miley herself. Like typed before, I am also Asian with ‘small eyes’ and I do not take offense either. OCA is just full of shit, why don’t they go bag others who do this? I agree that perhaps she hadn’t done that particular face with her friends but there’s no need to make such a stupid big deal out of it. Being sued 4 Bill? What the hell. :/ She isn’t the first person to do this, nor will she be the last. Go pay attention to those who actually make racist comments. Action doesn’t always prove things, especially when there was an Asian in that room.

  11. Ella says

    I’m Asian. I don’t get offended by these things. Hell, people do it everywhere.
    But the whole added ‘peace sign’ thing with it just confirmed that they were pretending to be Asian. Just saying.
    I would know. I joke around like that with my friends.

    However, I think Miley Cyrus is just not a good role model. Sure, millions of brainwashed preteens look up to her. But the reason as to why is still a mystery to me. She hasn’t exactly been the greatest person. Scandalous pictures and smoking bong doesn’t help either, Miley. The change is clear between the Hannah Montana phase, to this.