Mila Kunis clearly doesn’t think much of herself. Her self esteem is so obviously low that even we, the troglodytes of the ‘spray hovel, can feel completely superior to her. That said, she did spend a bit of time between Natalie Portman’s legs in Black Swan, whereas we have to make do with photocopies of her face with a hole poked in the mouth.
That said, Kunis used to willingly have sex with Macaulay Culkin and even we’re not that depressed and lonely.
Where we sync up is accepting sexual advances from weirdos on the internet. Jaded writers relying on the kindness of strangers is no big news, but a successful actress with a nice face? Yep. It’s true. Mila has agreed to go on a date with a US Marine sergeant who asked her out for a date on YouTube.
The actress was shown the clip where Sgt Scott Moore asked her to be his date for the Marine Corps Ball in November (if you care about such things, he’s paid to kill people with the 3rd Battalion 2nd Marines in Afghanistan) and our army chum introduces himself as Sergeant Moore but says she can call him Scotty.
And then he probably thought about making a joke about ‘standing to attention’, but wisely sidestepped it.
So what wooed the cripplingly lonely Kunis? Well, the video showed Scotty being too hotty with his buzzcut head walking through a heavily-fortified compound in full combat gear. He said, with a look of ‘don’t ever ask me how many people I’ve had to destroy’:
“I just want to take a moment out of my day to invite you to the Marine Corps Ball on 18 November in Greenville, North Carolina, with yours truly”
“So take a second, think about it and get back to me.”
Mila Kunis decided that she was going to make it happen. This will, of course, end up in a crudely made drunken sex-tape with Scotty ‘spud-deep’ in the Hollywood starlet while his colleagues egg him on, whooping and drinking weak beer from red cups.
Can’t wait to see it.
*vomits in hand*
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