Guys, I have great news! Not since, well, ever has someone been able to present such absolutely, uneqivocally awesome news to the world. It’s like how I imagine the disciples who managed to announce Jesus’ arrival felt, except ten times better because this has a modicum of truth to it.
Guys, Mila Kunis might be in 50 Shades of Grey.
I KNOW RIGHT?! That’s the best news that’s ever happened. Right now you’re uncorking the champagne bottles, whacking on the Barry White CD and getting out a load of party poppers ready to celebrate. There could literally not be a better news story this century. You could tell me that I’ve won the lottery, married some hottie and managed to outsprint Usain Bolt in the Olympic 100m men’s finals, and I would not be this psyched.
Don’t believe me yet? Well, I admit that she hasn’t yet signed up to the role, but take this quote from a Sun story this week:
There are times when you just want to do something fun and different, because you're going to have a good time doing it.
If that doesn’t sound like Mila Kunis saying “I am ready to have really kinky sex on camera, because all the men in the world have been so patient and sweet about everything,” then I don’t know what does.
That, coupled with screenwriter Kelly Marcell saying that the movie “will be raunchy. We’re 100 percent going there,” there could literally not be better news. We’ve managed to outdo ourselves, world! Give yourself a high-five!
Mila Kunis as Anastasia Steele? This is the kind of thing that our 14-year old selves dreamt about when watching episodes of That 70’s Show all those years ago. Forget Laura Prepon and Debra Jo Rupp – Kunis was the queen of that sitcom. And now we’re potentially going to see her going full-on submissive in a movie adaptation of a not-very-good book.
For the record, if this ends up being one of those bullshit Hollywood rumors, I will be rapidly changing my tears of joy to actual plain old tears. Because this feels like I’ve been able to get sight of the Holy Grail, the Crown Jewel and that thing Indiana Jones is looking for in his movies. Hell, it feels like people have said to me “here, take it! We don’t need that junk!” And I’ve got my hands near it, and I don’t want it snatched away.