Michelle Rodriguez Has 6 Months To Find Beauty In Jail

As a rational human being, the two things you want most for Christmas are to see Return Of BloodRayne and Girlfight 2: Not As Sexy As You'd Think finally get greenlit.

But tough luck, because neither of those things will happen for at least the next half-year - Michelle Rodriguez, the star of those original movies, has just started her six-month jail sentence for constantly being unable to follow simple probation rules. But it's not all bad news, because now she's been locked up in the Century Regional Detention Facility in Los Angeles, Michelle Rodriguez will get to take part in the jail's annual inter-inmate Secret Santa. What will Michelle Rodriguez be given? A bucket of piss? A bucket of poo? A bucket of piss and poo all mixed up? A vigorous stabbing? Oh, how we wish we could take part in Michelle Rodriguez's Secret Santa, too.

Of all the celebrity jail-sentences that have taken place this year, it's heartening to discover that the final celebrity to be locked up in 2007 is Michelle Rodriguez, because she's been in trouble with the law so often that we're taking this new sentence as God's way of telling us that 2008 is going to be just fine.

Not that it's especially new news that Michelle Rodriguez is in jail - she was sentenced to six months back in October - but, well, it's Christmas Eve and so little has actually happened that it's either we tell you about this or we do what all the news programmes have done and try to make out that people going Christmas shopping just before Christmas somehow constitutes a top breaking story. 

So then, Michelle Rodriguez is in jail, but what for? Why, the same old nonsense that she always gets in trouble for - failing to keep her nose clean for long enough to let her probation period pass smoothly. There was a drink-driving arrest, some sort of hit and run, a failure to carry out her community service and consumption of alcohol three times in the period when Rodriguez was wearing a SCRAM anklet, all of which was too much for the judge to bear. So Michelle Rodriguez now has to sit out the full six-month sentence with no early release, no home confinement and no work furlough.

Sounds hellish to us, but Michelle Rodriguez is bound to enjoy it. Last time she was in prison - for a full four-hour stretch in 2006 - Michelle Rodriguez announced that:

"I'm a gypsy. I can see beauty in a jail cell."

So, by treating her sentence as a six-month jail cell beauty-finding expedition, Michelle Rodriguez will focus on the positives and get through her jail term easily. And it's not even as if Michelle Rodriguez's statement was that stupid in the first place - that time Crosseyed Mary The Attempted Murderer wrote 'Kill Me Now' in shit on the wall of the cell that Michelle is about to inherit, holding the turd like a dirty biro, was an awful lot like Van Gogh painting that famous picture of his, or something.

Anyway, Michelle Rodriguez will be spending her time at the Century Regional Detention Facility, which is the same jail that Paris Hilton got to spend three weeks of her time in earlier this year. So who knows, perhaps she'll leave in six months full of the same determination to make the world a better place as Paris did. Maybe she'll even even up getting naked and painting herself gold like Paris, too.

In which case we're taking that comment about God making everything OK for us in 2008 back right now.

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Michelle Rodriguez begins 6-month jail term - Reuters