Michelle Rodriguez Gets Six Months In Jail, Nobody Cares
Then buzz it up
October 11th, 2007 at 16:30 by Stuart Heritage
Since the producers of Lost realised that she was so rubbish they may as well just shoot her and be done with it, Michelle Rodriguez has had a lot of time on her hands - time that she's now going to spend banged up in jail.
Thanks to her uncanny knack for not understanding very simple probation instructions like 'do some community service' and 'don't drink booze', Michelle Rodriguez has been sentenced to six months in jail. Of course, this is nothing new for Michelle Rodriguez who, just before her similar jail term last year, declared "I'm a gypsy. I can see beauty in a jail cell." We don't know about you, but it's certainly a weight off our mind knowing that Michelle Rodriguez will be able to appreciate the aesthetic qualities of her surroundings while she's being forced to spend 180 nights locked in a small room with a mentally-ill incontinent glue-sniffer who won't stop hysterically shrieking out her children's names and clawing at her face with her fingernails all the time.
Forget carting little dogs around in handbags - going to prison is absolutely the Hollywood trend of the moment. Paris Hilton went to jail and Nicole Richie went to jail and Lindsay Lohan is going to jail along with Kiefer Sutherland, and even Britney Spears might end up in jail before too long. Of course, the fierce, somewhat mannish matriarch of the Hollywood jailbird scene is Michelle Rodriguez - and now she's back to show the kids how to do it with the six month sentence she was hit with yesterday.
Explaining exactly why Michelle Rodriguez was given a six month jail sentence is a little bit tricky - it all stems from a DUI arrest in 2003 resulting in Michelle Rodriguez violating her probation four times in five months two years later, then getting arrested for DUI again, then going to jail and then breaking her probation from that incident by not completing her community service and drinking alcohol with a SCRAM monitor on her ankle - so we'll just say that Michelle Rodriguez went to jail because she looks like an angry teenage boy. E! Online has more details:
The former Lost star was sentenced Wednesday to 180 days in Los Angeles County Jail after admitting to violating her probation from several DUI-related charges, L.A. City Attorney's Office spokesman Frank Mateljan confirmed to E! Online… The beleaguered 29-year-old has until 5 p.m. on Dec. 24 to turn herself in, after which she's required to spend the entire 180-day term locked up, having been deemed ineligible for either work furloughs or house arrest… The City Attorney's Office alleged that Rodriguez hadn't just failed to comply with the court's order, she had also submitted documents that stated she had been busy do-gooding on the West Coast when in reality she was in New York at the time.
But, still, six months in jail will be more than enough for Michelle Rodriguez to hone her ridiculous talent for spouting nonsense like "I'm a gypsy. I see beauty in a jail cell" or - to officers who arrest her - "I don't fucking belong here! Why don't you just put a gun to my head a shoot me!" And six months does mean six months this time - not like the last time Michelle Rodriguez was sentenced to jail for two months and actually stayed locked up for four hours before going home again.
Still, at least once her six months in jail are up, Michelle Rodriguez shouldn't have trouble finding a new job. Although the terms of her new probation might stop her from starring in the new The Fast And The Furious movie being made - unless the director decides to base it around the shadowy world of Segway-modifying dragster racing - it won't be hard for Michelle to explain away the six month gap on her CV. After all, we've all seen Michelle Rodriguez's acting - long breaks between jobs are really nothing unexpected.
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October 11th, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Stuart, you probably don’t get out much, you watch your Men Behaving Badly DVD boxset and wonder whether to rape your girlfriend when she is a sleep. But my dear chap, if you had an ounce of intelligence and taste you would know that Michelle Rodriguez won heaps of praise for her performance in Girlfight. But you wouldn’t know that would you? If it hasn’t got The Rock in your not interested. Or perhaps you are and have sold your soul to the fuckwit who began this fucking pointless website. You are retarded.
October 12th, 2007 at 3:41 am
It was quite a day for the chicks here at hecklerspray, especially unsexy and very troubled ones.
October 12th, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Adam Gade is presumably a homosexual.
October 12th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
Oh come on! Britney/Madonna=Unsexy. Michelle/Britney=Troubled. I rest my case.
October 12th, 2007 at 4:49 pm
And tack on Fergie to the Troubled bit.
October 12th, 2007 at 5:23 pm
LOL no body cares, I like that.
October 12th, 2007 at 9:34 pm
And there we have it! Nobody could have it put it in terms more articulate than those expounded in the views in the first comment, above. Eureka! We have the answer : we are all surrounded bya lack of taste and intelligence. Those values so finely enshrined in Girlfight, and in the leading ladies of Hollywood, so snazzy and so out there. On second thoughts, one realises with a growing sense of shame that, in fact, the girls, they’re not out there. Perhaps that’s the point. Who knows, really? It is these intrepid fans of Rodriguez that make us realise how good these girls are. Who cares about their behaviour in public, and as citizens (one presumes) of their country.
Once the author (of the article) has recovered from the life-threatening injuries that have been launched on him, and, once he has succeeded in acquiring the prescribed ounce of intelligence and/or taste, preferably both, in quite simply describing the state of affairs in Hollywood, perhaps he should issue an apology stating why he chose to sell his soul to the website, and how he is now a redeemed man.
October 12th, 2007 at 10:03 pm
Evisu, you like nothing, you are dead inside.
October 13th, 2007 at 10:44 am
Hey The Tampon,
Where I live we have laws to hinder feminine hygiene products from dissing people by saying they’re “homosexual”.
They fall under the general legislative heading of “vilification”.
So I suggest you call AG something else. Keep it legal people!
October 13th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
I second Bollocks.
October 13th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
“Hey” JBollocks,
Where I live calling a person “homosexual” is neither “dissing someone” or “vilification”.
So I suggest you put down your banjo, stop fucking you’re sister, and join the rest of us in the 21st Century. Keep it liberal people!
October 18th, 2007 at 9:23 am
I didn’t know I had wingmen to back me up, it’s nice I guess. And Tampon, “you’re” insults work best when written no so much as one could mistake you for a third grader.
October 18th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Dear Adam,
Your ‘wingman’ is a rabid right-winger, so it is not nice at all, I suggest you befriend a nicer person. What would you’re Mammy say?!
Putting “you’re” in inverted commas does not make any sense, do you even know what there for? That and sentences such as “no so much as one could mistake” make you look like the third grader (by which, I presume you mean primary school. You’re in England now, young man).
Yours,
The Tampon OBE.
October 18th, 2007 at 7:05 pm
Oh, I’ve just seen my mistake- using ‘you’re’ instead of ‘your’, and then I made the same mistake again. Still, I think this just makes me more endearing and loveable.
I also have cancer.
October 18th, 2007 at 8:58 pm
“”Hey”" The Tampon,
I’m deeply hurt by your assertion that I can play the banjo. I’ve been trying for 12 years and still can’t do “Dualin’”.
I’m off to visit Mary-Lou…
October 18th, 2007 at 10:26 pm
“”"Hey”"” JBollocks,
I think you may be pulling my leg- I’ve seen YOUR police record and YOU’RE only nine.
Mary-Lou is dead.
October 18th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
Excuse me Roy but I’m a little hard of hearing, did you say you suck on bollocks?