Michael Jackson’s Funeral: Really Titting Expensive, Actually

Michael Jackson, Michael Jackson funeral, JacksonsWe all know more or less everything about Michael Jackson’s death by now. We know what killed Michael Jackson.

We know what he was doing before he died. Thanks to Derek Acorah last week, we even know that Michael Jackson spends most of his time in the afterlife itching to say hello to Quincy Jones. But, because it was a private ceremony, we don’t really know exactly what happened at Michael Jackson’s funeral.

We wish we did, though, because it’s been revealed that the funeral cost Michael Jackson’s estate almost one million dollars. Still, he’s dead, so it’s not like the money could have been spent on anything else, like giving his children a better quality of life or anything, is it? Oh.

The Forest Lawn Great Mausoleum is a pretty exclusive club to get into. It’s where only the best of the best go to die. And if you want to spend eternity next to the likes of Clark Gable and Jean Harlow, it’s going to cost you. It doesn’t matter that the fact you’re dead means that you may as well be fed through a wood chipper and kept in a second-hand Tupperware box for all the good it’ll do you. If you want to be a part of the Forest Lawn Great Mausoleum set, be prepared to shell out.

Be prepared to shell out $855,730, in fact, because that’s what it cost Michael Jackson’s estate to have him entombed there. We know this because a judge has just made the Michael Jackson funeral expenses public. And, as well as the $855,730 – including $590,000 for the spot in the mausoleum alone – the Jackson family also spent:

$11,716 on invitations,

$30,000 on security,

$15,000 on a funeral director,

$16,000 on flowers,

$21,455 on dinner afterwards, and

$35,000 on Michael Jackson’s burial outfit.

Now we know what you’re thinking – that seems like a lot of money to spend on an outfit that nobody will ever see, especially since Michael Jackson was so thin when he died that a decent-sized tube sock would have probably done the trick – but what was Michael Jackson’s motto? That’s right, it was ‘Heal the world (and wear something grotesquely expensive while you’re at it)’. We think. We could be wrong.

Anyway, it’s churlish for us to whine about the colossal expense of Michael Jackson’s funeral. A family has every right to send off one of their own in whatever manner they see fit. After all, given the hoopla that surrounded his death, the Jacksons probably wanted to make the most of the brief moment when they were allowed to grieve for Michael in private.

Plus they’ll most likely turn a nice profit from it when the official Michael Jackson: The Funeral! DVD inevitably goes on sale in a couple of years. You’ve got to speculate to accumulate, after all.

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  1. shooty* says

    “$11,716 on invitations”

    Sweet Jesus t1tty fvcking christ, that’s about $11,711 pure profit for whoever did the invites.

    I HAVE to get into that industry.

  2. says

    I want to be taken to a quarry, coffin packed with shaped charges. and vaporised so that every mourner there (and any windward conurbation) gets a damn good lungful of me.

    I. Will. Live. On.

    Probably only as a tumour or two, but beggars can’t be choosers.

  3. SWB from Indiana says

    A funeral fit for the King that he was … no expense was too great. Besides it was HIS money. What knuckleheaded posts!