A guest blog by Stuart Waterman from My Chemical Toilet…
Last week saw Michael Jackson finally announce his live comeback, with a string of ten shows at London’s O2.
Those are the bare facts, but as with everything involving Michael Jackson there was a whole screaming funfair of blazing mentalism surrounding the five-minute ‘press conference’. One man actually flew from the Americas to London just to see Michael Jackson wave and talk for five minutes. You’d hope there were a couple of decent movies being shown on the plane over, but if all he got was Bride Wars and Leprechaun 4: In Space it kind of serves him right.
Because if there’s one incontrovertible fact I’ve learned from writing a music blog, it’s that Michael Jackson fans are so collectively brainshagged that they could almost be mistaken for trying to outcrazy their idol in order to make him appear more normal.
As a youngster I was actually a big Michael Jackson fan myself. Like every kid, I tried to do the Moonwalk. I wanted to own a sparkly glove badly. I sang songs to rats.
Do you know what happened then? I grew up. But like 40 year-old provincial goths who refuse to give up the leather trenchcoats and purple make-up, Michael Jackson and his most hardcore fans never did. They’re locked together in some twisted eternal feedback loop of arrested development.
And it’s not just people old enough to remember MJ at his peak who bring the berserkism – there’s a whole new generation of anonymous, youthful insaniacs happy to throw themselves online and perpetuate the image of Michael Jackson fans as caps lock lunatics.
On the music blog I write, it’s always with a sick mixture of glee and trepidation that I flex my fingers and prepare to write a post about Michael Jackson. As soon as anything hits the web with so much as a passing reference to him, an alarm goes off on the computer of every frothy-mouthed Jackonaut across the globe.
When the recently-announced shows were being mooted, I wrote an article with the headline “Would you pay a fortune to see Michael Jackson at London’s O2“? In the ensuing copy I concluded that I, personally, would pay ?50-?60 to see Michael Jackson live (since I’ve just been laid off I reserve the right to change my mind on that).
One of the comments somehow interpreted this as a diss on their eccentric overlord:
“WHY DO PPL KNOCK MJ? I MEAN IM 18 NOW BUT I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS 5-12 YEARS OLD ALL THE KIDS COULD TALK ABOUT WAS MJ AND HIS HISTORY TOUR ETC ETC ASK NE ONE AND MJ IS STILL AS KOOOOOL AS IT GETS!!!”
While ridiculously defensive, that comment barely regsiters on the derange-o-meter. For premium furniture-throwing, tits-out, knickers-off, doorstep-defecating insanity, it’s better to write a short article drawing attention to a “Wacko Jacko” Halloween mask that resembles Michael Jackson.
Comments on this post ranged from the intriguingly solution-based:
“Yes, Michael is King. It seems that humans like to make fun of people who are different. It has always been that way. I think he should make a video, but paint his head green, then get a computer to make him look exactly how he wants to look. That would be awesome.”
To the enraged:
“FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING TWAT HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF SOME ONE MADE A MASK OUT OF YOU WOULD PROBABLY BE ACTUALLY SCARY DICK HEEEEEAAAAADDDDDD!!!!!!!!!”
To the confusing, yet still inventively insulting:
“WHY COPY THE LAST COMPANY. YOUR JUST AS BAD AS THEM.YOUR ALSO A BUNCH OF SPAZSTICKS. JUST LEAVE THE POOR MAN ALONE. HE IS A HUMAN. HE HAS FEELINGS TOO, SO WHY HERT THEM. THE NEXT MASK THATS ONLINE IS THE ANGRY MOB OF FANS FOR YOU BUDDY.”
To the arousing:
“Hey Michael Jackson isn’t Scary at all… Have u guys seen his latest vogue magazine photoshoot He is smouldering hot in those pics… “
In case you were wondering – yes, that is the first and only ever reference to Michael Jackson as “smouldering hot”.
Considering the rumours and controversies surrounding Michael Jackson – and the fact that they are never really going to go away – I can’t think of any other person who can inspire such blind, scary adoration (I’m not counting God, because he’s made up). One suspects that if Michael Jackson was broadcast on television, live, taking a nine-inch serrated blade to a newborn kitten’s throat, an army of laptop automatons would immediately march all over the internet denouncing the baby pussy cat as a hater who deserved it.
What’s fantastic, of course, is that this summer is going to be relentlessly, unavoidably Michael Jackson-shaped, which means there will be plenty more opportunities to write about him and therefore plenty more opportunities for his entertainingly unhinged fans to keep us all amused.
This happy little discussion was a guest blog by Stuart Waterman from the really very good My Chemical Toilet. Go read now.
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HT says
Oooh we like this Stuart Waterman. He can stay.
Cindi says
If you want to take shots at me because I am a Michael Jackson fan, well you will have to do better than this.
I will tell you the way it is. I would bet that Michael has millions upon millions of fans across the world because there are many people who can actually think for themselves. Something it seems Americans can’t do for themselves. Other peoples of the world don’t have to rely on the sheep-like stupidity of the American media. No.. the United States is the one that should be worried about it’s reputation. For it is hated because of an ignorant media, corrupt and mind-boggling stupid government and a very greedy populace.
Comments like yours are the truly comical ones. The world loves Michael Jackson even more now because of what the United States did to him. He’s not like the rest of you. He’s too good for you.
HT says
Cindi, dear, I believe you have made a fool of yourself on various levels. Hecklerspray is a British site. And a quick fact check would have shown you that Stuart Waterman blogs for a British site as well. Not *quite* the United States, but kudos to you for driving Mr Waterman’s point home spectacularly.
magnetite says
Cindi?
Prince. Rogers. Nelson.
I’d like to see MJ turn Sheena Easton into a sexy sexed-up sextromatic erm…sexy thing.
Oh, why do I even need to bother? Yeah, Stuart Waterman has the HS touch. Bring on the loonies.
JoeMomma says
Oh good, just when the Chris Brown/Rehanna thing was gettting boring.
It’s obvious that MJ fans are lobotomozed, I know I would have to be after listening to that no talent hack. Can you get a lobotomy from banging your head against a brick wall, I guess that would be more of frontal lobe damage. But I digress.
The point about 40 year old goths is true as well. One would think they would move beyond working at a used record shop and living in basment apartments.
Lizzie says
I am 14 and although none of my friends like him I find the man to be the hottest, kindest, and most charming man in the world!!
I love his music and him as a person… He is eccentric but who cares? thats what makes him so amazing. I just love him! And I can guarantee that there are a whole load of people out there just like me. You shouldn’t believe what you read or watch on mj because quite a lot of it isnt true =) And michael if your reading this I just want you to know just how much your music means to me and others across the world xxx God bless
Lidi says
Do you really think Michael sits at home caring about what you think of him? if people worship His Royal Highness (as i do) then who cares? what does that have to do with you? see him live or dont see him live, buy his albums or dont buy his albums, i dont care and Michael sure as hell doesn’t care-
All Hail The King Of Pop.
and by the way he is smouldering hot- he can teach me the Billie Jean thrust anytime.
Mariana says
Well, well, well…. So, you think Michael Jackson’s fans are more insane than him.
Funny, I’ve always thinking that reporters and gossip writers talk about Michael because all of them are frustrated singers and actors.
Anyway, just remember you eat of what you write, in this case and in other words, you eat by the hand of Michael.
If you are in your 40’s, is not an excuse to say –I’m not a Michael Jackson fan, ’cause I grew up–. Too sad for you, we should keep the light of childhood in our life, even if we have 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90…
Have a nice day.
HT says
Wasn’t it Christ who said, “I like your Michael Jackson, but not your Michael Jackson fans. Your Michael Jackson fans are so unlike your Michael Jackson.” Or was it Gandhi? I forget.
Heal the world, make it a better place, indeed.
t says
this columnist is a moron. Michael is a wonderful person, and that’s why people love him so much!! you idiots! I have been a fan of Michael since I can remember, and will always be! I am from america, and not everyone talks bad about mj. Accesshollywood is pretty good to him! Just remember all this idiots saying mean and rude things about michael ” what goes around, comes around!!” Michael will show you all why he’s the KING!!!!!
Joke Police says
Thanks Mariana – I was getting a bit bored with straight-up idiocy. I like the way you mixed it up a bit with a nice element of self-righteousness. MOAR PLZ.
Julian Mentat says
Yes, when you listen to a golden-era MJ song it sounds catchy and exciting, but isn’t that the producer’s work? What do MJ’s songs sound like if you sit down and play them on a piano?
Repetitive crap, is what. Try it.
mst3kster says
MJ is the King of Plop. I mean, how does anyone lose a Clorox endorsement with a face that white?
Joke Police says
MJ’s entire oeuvre dismissed by the play-it-on-the-piano test – I’d say there’s a few other sticks you could probably hit him with before we get that sweeping.
andrew says
Im a huge Michael Jackson fan, like massive!! And this writer does have a point, the fans see tunnel vision when we talk about him, he is almost like a god, it is really strange the effect he has on people. I just think of him as a person now but it did get to the point where I was pretty insane. There was elvis, the beatles then Michael Jackson who have all had this effect, after that I dont think there will be another person like that which is pretty sad … I think!
JoeMomma says
Strange though, MJ’s fans have a better grasp of communication than CB/Rihanna.
Still loony though.
t is my favourite so far.
Vn says
are u stupid or what, are u a dead head or what?, critizy someone for liking an artist, why because he is influential and because he is called Michael Jackson? what is wrong in your head?, why? what do u get out of this? some faked attention?, out of MJ fans, i mean, i LOVE MJ; he is just a genious, u wont blind people! we see he is a master in music and dance, we learn from him, u wont change the fact that he moves people around the world, he has what it takes, i hate having to say this, i mean why dont u just let him be, now u are not only happy just throwing Michael down, u want to do it to his fans???? do u have something important in your life? why dont u help ur brother instead, go give a lesson to a person who needs it, a little child in need is desperately dying and u are trying to take MJ fans down???? LIVE PEOPLE BE, do something important, would u. Peace.
kes says
Wow!! how much more arrogant can this columnist get??!! This just farther proves my opinion that the media is filled with heartless maggots! MJ is a brilliant man who has done nothing but try to make this world better!
And by the way…has everyone on this planet forgotten the words of Jesus Christ??? Jesus said to love each other! And love the children! “Let the children come” and “Live like children” is what he said! So before you start making fun of a brilliant artist and his fans…why dont you try to remember that there is a HEART somewhere inside of you!
queenpanther55 says
this blog caught my attention. Why cant other people just accept the fact that, these are Michaels “HARDCORE” fans. As this blogger also quote “a bunch of a new generation anonymous lunatics fans”- note: EVEN if hes not launching a new album but STILL?. well i was surprised he wasnt thrilled? but WHY? Is he not entitled to have millions of it in entire world? Well hes an entertainer? The fact that the blogger admitted at some point of his life he was a FAN too!. well, i may say he might have felt the same way when he was a fan afterall?
My point is, we cannot JUST suggest to ourselves that Michael FANS are mental or lunatics, because of how they are and what they do for Michael.We have to realize that HARDCORE fans are people who just accept Michael as who he is, and like anyone of them, felt that they have an intimate relationship with Michael. Intimate to the fact that they know more and deep about Michael,that HATERS or OPPORTUNIST dont. To them they accepted and love the person, and invested such feeling for him, like every human in this planet can. Ofcourse you cannot blame them, what can we do? stop them because we want them to think what others think about Michael? (thats crazy?).We are aware that they are Michaels VOICE too, and take note! they just dont belong on the same place or country? Theyre from all over the world! whom can certainly overly react just to defend Michael. and i dont think theres such a problem with that. Why react to a certain fan, who from the US will fly to London just to see Michael for 5 minutes? well does the FAN care about what other people might think?! Humans will do everything they can to prove LOVE isnt it? an ordinary man will have to do anything just to have an ordinary girl he likes! And i guess we all have experience that, the only difference is..hes Michael Jackson and not all can accept and understand what FANS can extremely do for him. I was thinking then, what about these people who claims doesnt like Michael, to say the meaniest word to him and like this blogger did: harassing his fans? – for me thats IGNORANCE. Why bother and care to say A LOT when you knew you will be receiving tons of “sh%&T?” comments from his fans? Besides, lets just face it, its not your concern they care about if they have to pay a fortune to see Michael concerts anyway.. On the otherhand, whatever you say, lets just accept TRUTH, you cannot COMPETE with them.
Could have Michaels reason to do concerts is for his FANS?Ofcourse! Whoelse will be?He doesnt care for those who arent? Think about it – This is about Michael and his FANS afterall, he will perform for his fans” I just dont understand why youre asking questions that you can actually answer yourself?&%, why try enter such world when you know youre not part of it? – i think its crazy.. or shall I say lunatic.
Julian Mentat says
>> Michael will show you all why he
fs12 says
Love Stuart Waterman- first the joy of the column and then the joy of the comments !!
and Kes.. ‘love the children’ in an article about mj.. probably not the best jesus quote for the situation.
Ironlung says
yes the man is a maniac – but talentless? surely you cant be that blind (or deaf, as the case may be)?
“oh but, but, but – it doesnt sound right on a piano!!” no fucking shit, thats why they played it on a bass.
its one thing to be a mad jackson fan (im not writing “MJ” – fuck you), but it is something much worse to be an ignorant ultra-cynic. his voice was magnificent, how can you dispute that?
anti-conformity should be a crime.
also, Prince was a talentless mole-face – because i dont like purple.
Eric says
Hi Guys,
I am a fan of MJ. I have assisted to several concerts and events. Honestly, I have to admit that some of his fans are really are … fanatics … I grew with his music and he influenced my life a lot (thank you Mike, due to you I do not drink or take drug).He is eccentric (as numerous of stars) and he did few not really recommendable things. So please stop defending someone even you love very much who have had inadequate or inappropriate behaviors. Love his music , love him but do not be blind. Be objective. What I say is also true for the people who critic him in a bad sense.
Cheers,
Daz says
As an MJ fan I can only agree with this, it’s embarassing to be associated with the circus. As an Atheist I can see many parallels with religion with it’s faith, irrational beliefs and just general stupidity.
breakodawn2 says
see around you in the world do many people have this kind of love and devotion ? the answer is no!
Michael deserves all of this love because he was chosen by God to spread his words the” peace , love and giving” the pain he went through is understandable if u compare it to other ones who were chosen to do the same task .
My question to you is:
can you do this mission and go through all this pain??
at your age “40” I think it is too late ,
it seems that you are not chosen. and after reading your article and understanding your mentality i can see why not.
Catherine Bray says
I simply must take issue with your callous dismissal of one of the greatest works of art ever produced. You heartless man. If you were lucky enough to see Leprechaun 4: In Space during your flight, it would be worth every penny of the air fare.
Franny Jeffers says
I know the writer and can assure you he’s not 40 years old. He might be past it, but not by that much. Sorry, I mean:
WHO TELLK YOU 40YRS OLDD?? WHY TAKE FACT LIKE THIS UNEXISTING???!!!! 12
Shooty* says
I’ve bet my boss a fiver the concerts won’t happen.
Stabby McGee says
Hmm, now there’s an idea: ‘Wacko Jacko’-branded spaz-sticks. They practically sell themselves.
Stabby McGee says
“has everyone on this planet forgotten the words of Jesus Christ??? Jesus said to love each other! And love the children!
Julian Mentat says
Wow, at last I understand the lasting appeal of MJ. Thanks for this forum, Stuart.
Oh, you want to know what it is?
It’s the sad fact that some percentage of the human race instinctively need a Messiah figure. These are the people who pursued Brian in Life of Brian.
GIRL:
…the gourd! Follow the Gourd!
MAN:
No! Let us gather shoes together!
Steve says
Ha Ha. thats new, have Journalists got fed up of insulting Michael Jackson, Now they are having a pop at fans, who they know nothing about. True there are a few fans that are there for every Michael Jackson Appearance, but don’t fans do that for every artist, not just him. Ive been a MJ Fan for as long as I remember, To say I havn’t grown up is a joke, you can’t have grown up yourself as it’s the playground bully who kicks a man when they’re down. Fact is he hasn’t been proven guilty for anything and any evidence against him was proved as fake, but facts dont usually interest the media.
JoeMomma says
This is fantastic.
I am now convinced there is some massive subliminal brainwashing coming through MJ’s songs. This is apparent with the absoloutely innane comments coming from people here.
My personal favourite is from Iornlug;
“anti-conformity should be a crime”
He/she will be the first one in line to get the RFID chip implanted. I bet he can’t wait to get to the two minutes of hate for today. That damn Goldstien!
mikey says
A blog about slavering, incomprehensible Michael Jackson fans…attacked by slavering incomprehensible Michael Jackson fans.
Whatever you do, don’t start on Twilight or Watchmen. Between those two and Wacko, you’ll have annoyed the holy trinity of crazed, maniacal, illiterate fans, and ye shall be cast into the pits of hell with crazy-eyed folks….i.e. the nearest Fallout Boy concert.
mst3kster says
I hope this link works. It’s Triumph the Insult Comic Dog at the Michael Jackson trial (complete with his nutty fans).
I’m not able to stream video or get on these types of sites at work.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1057579591806478733
Sarah says
It works! Thanks
Gilbert Wham says
“his voice was magnificent, how can you dispute that?”
Because of the stupid ‘hm! ah!’ noises he makes when he’s singing, like someone filled Rolf Harris (an entertainer of an inestimably higher calibre, I might add) full of helium, that’s how.
Apropos the general lunacy, I commented on a previous post that poor, undead Wacko had only one fan to defend him, as opposed to Chris Brown/Rihanna’s legions of crazies. Turns out I was wrong. Or, my hubris angered the gods and they engineered this, in which case it’s my fault. Sorry.
David Ike says
Look MJ is a shape changing lizard beast that has started to loose his shape changing ability. Thats why he has to cover his face in public so as not to show his true nature. All the children he’s had over to his house were actually food for him to eat. They were replaced with reptilian clones. MJ is the harbringer of impending doom and his songs are brainwashing the masses. You drones will be the first ones marched into the spaceship and eaten.
Julian Mentat says
>> “has everyone on this planet forgotten the
>> words of Jesus Christ?”
Many of the Christians have, obviously, but I’m happy to report that most people did not forget those words because most people are not Christian.
p.s. why did you say “on this planet”? Do the guys in the Space Station get a free pass to forget things?
Beth says
LIVE PEOPLE BE
It’s interesting to see how many people think fanaticism isn’t a totally nuts way to live. I have a hard enough time understanding it in the context of religion, but when the object of worship is a pop-culture figure it kind of hurts my heart.
There are a few Michael Jackson songs I like. I am not a fan of the man.
And I’ve always been totally unimpressed with his dancing. When I was little my dad tried to convince me Michael was a great dancer, but I thought he looked stupid doing it so I couldn’t really care what he was up to. :/ I guess the Moonwalk was a fun thing to see, but I can do it too so I don’t get what the big deal ever was.
evan says
Ah, keep spilling your venom to sell your rag.
I don’t even really like MJ but respect his career.
He’s effed up, no question and it came from his abusive father.
Let him be. Let him attempt to live. thank somebody that it’s not you.
T.J. says
These fans are as wacked as MJ was and he was really out there. Face it MJ was weird and not living in the real world. The only ones I feel bad for are those kids, which I believe aren’t his you can look at them tell they are not his. If these kid’s are to have a chance at a normal life. I think they should be adopted by a good family and away from hollywood and the jackson’s.
MJFan says
well, I was doing some MJ research and came across this. I find this to be very disrespectful. MJ fans are about Love and Happiness…and peace. We arent crazy…til you mess with our man…then we get angry.
Why take your time to write bad things about him? If you dont like him, then why even take the time out of your day to do things like this?
Oh, dear you must be embarrassed . Im not sure if you are aware of this, but, your immaturity and ignorance is showing….you may want to get that fixed.
Innocence says
Rest In Peace Michael…idiots like you and media lies contributed to his death.
Cleo Sinatra says
My thoughts exactly. Americans are the ones who killed Michael. Go anywhere else in the world and people love and respect him, for his incredible kindness, generosity and ofc insane talent. But americans, his own people treated him like dirt. That man gave 300 million to charity, made such an effort to help the needy, and all the American press, and ignorant bloggers like urself try to do is over-write him as some eccentric loon.
Its sad really, that people are so narrow minded they
IrishLass says
Now hypocrite …Do a similar article on the Elvis Presley fans…You know…The ones who never “grew up” and instead, congregate at Graceland year after year.
Another idiot with a self-righteous, self-opinionated attempt at an interesting article. FAIL! You don’t actually sound like you grew up at all!
Two points (Couldn’t be bothered addressing the rest as it simply amounts to a bag of air) …
1. MJ has ALWAYS had fans of ALL ages – In fact, he is the only artist I can think of who has managed to appeal to and capture ALL ages. THAT in itself is a phenomenal achievement.
2. Time to do proper research on the man, as your article only confirms how DUMB you really are when it comes to REAL knowledge on MJ. All you have done throughout your attempt at an article of interest is assumed …Right down to the remark about the “Smouldering hot” reference toward him …As if things like this had never been said about him before. Well, Dumbo, perhaps you should check the countless YT videos alone on him that have been uploaded by the female of the species …Some of them are enough to make even a grown man blush.
You actually sound jealous and resentful regarding the adulation, attention and admiration that is shown toward the man – This includes some of the idiots who commented here, too.
Whether it be a hating, jealous, racist, spiteful (and all those ugly things), person, or a fan /admirer – Michael Jackson has ALWAYS been able to have a command over you (the fan/admirer is understandable) …But the really “Weird” and “Whacky” ones are the ones who itch to write about him in negative terms, and those who click into these kinds of articles (ANY Jackson-related article, actually) to read, then take time to post more dribble…THAT is TRULY what you call an unhealthy obsession.
Now the man has gone, though he lives on within the hearts of mega-millions all over the world. He will continue to be celebrated, imitated and paid tribute to in all kinds of complimentary ways across the planet, year after year – and there isn’t anything you will ever be able to spew, that will change this fact! That must bug the cr*p out of some of you.
Oh, well, tough sh*t, hey!?!
IrishLass says
Exactly!!
Alaski says
Cant stand MJ fans. MJ made his own bed people with his bizarre behavior, wasn’t the media. Get over it. He is not a god.