They say that losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent, but that’s clearly rubbish.
Look at Michael Jackson‘s parents. They’re living proof that the worst thing that can happen to a parent is losing a millionaire child who wrote you out of his will because you used to mercilessly beat him all the time. But Katherine and Joe Jackson aren’t going to let a little thing like the dying wishes of their beloved son stop them from getting rich, so they’re contesting Michael Jackson’s will.
They waited for 27 days, for anyone running office sweepstakes.
In the last few weeks we’ve been criticised for not recognising Michael Jackson’s genius. Well, to those people we say this – sorry. You were right. You were absolutely right. Michael Jackson was a genius. Not because of what he did in his life – we still maintain that if squeaking and having an uncomfortably close relationship with children makes you a genius then all guinea pigs should be signed up to Mensa immediately – but because of what he’s done in death.
Why? Because Michael Jackson invoked a ‘no contest’ clause in his will. It’s brilliant. It means that if you try to disagree with anything that Michael Jackson said in it, you get immediately written out. It’s sort of like a legal version of writing ‘Jonathan wets the bed IDST’ on someone else’s exercise book at school. You can try and erase it if you like, but it won’t matter because even if you destroy it, it’ll still be true.
And this is great news for Michael Jackson’s family. After all, the will largely ignored them in favour of naming John McClain and John Branca as the co-executors of his estate – so what do they lose if their challenge fails? A handful of kids that probably aren’t even theirs anyway, that’s what. And who cares about them? One of them’s called Blanket for crying out loud. Who wants to look after a kid called Blanket? Honestly, contesting the will is a win-win for Katherine and Joe Jackson. Which is probably why they’re doing it, as Rolling Stone reports:
Katherine Jackson has reportedly hired the Jackson family attorney to challenge son Michael Jackson?s 2002 will… Katherine?s lawyers were in court last Friday, July 17th, to see if they can challenge the co-executors? decisions without triggering the ?no contest? clause.
Actually, we can totally see the point of Michael Jackson’s family here – they’re his family, for crying out loud. And, true, Michael Jackson may have sensibly chosen a pair of business-minded professionals to oversee his estate, but Katherine and Joe Jackson are Michael Jackson’s family. Doesn’t that mean anything any more?
Oh alright, we’ll admit it – we want Michael Jackson’s family to run his estate purely because we want to visit the Neverland gift shop in a few years and buy a commemorative ‘Michael Jackson, King Of Pop – I Definitely Didn’t Hit Him, You Know’ T-shirt designed by his dad. Is that so wrong?