Michael Jackson’s Deathbed, No Longer For Sale, Spoiling All Your Masturbatory Needs

Deathbed for sale. What a peculiar notion. That said, it has a lovely ring to it. It almost sounds like an Agatha Christie thriller. Either way, Michael Jackson’s deathbed was up for auction so that his mental fans could buy it and have sex with themselves in it.

That’s because they’re hugely lonely and there’s no room for another face in the mirror because Mad Jackson fans are too enveloped by the aura of Jackson himself.

Anyway, the deathbed has been pulled from auction because some bright spark realised that it might be a little distasteful selling a giant bed filled with celebrity corpse goo. Shame. We hoped a mad-scientist would buy it and try cloning an army of Michael Jacksons.

Jackson’s estate stepped in and asked Julien’s Auctions to remove the item, which had a pre-sale start price of between $3,000 and $5,000.

That seems cheap, especially given that MJ would have almost certainly paid a ludicrous amount for it while he was alive (people saw him coming – we reckon he got overcharged for Snickers… “certainly sir, that will be $40,000“).

Hmm. Anyway, the queen-sized headboard was removed from the auction and sadly, it appears that the mattress was never an option because it was full of lovely,? stainy evidence from when Jackson got his Propofol milk and went and died under the sexy glare of Conrad Murray (now on suicide watch).

Still, there’s a number of items from Michael’s rented mansion still up for grabs! Like what? You can get yourself some paintings by Maurice Utrillo and Henri Rosseau, or if you’re a greedy bastard, there’s silverware to be had.

Or, for the macabre amongst you, there’s a kitchen chalkboard with a handwritten note which reads “I [heart] Daddy. SMILE, it’s for free,” written in childlike text – presumably by one of his grieving children.

If that all fills you with horror, you could do something completely normal and dress up as Michael Jackson for the rest of your life and sit in your room doing quiet impressions of the late singer while listening to his later work, trying to convince you its as good as the Thriller LP.

Which it isn’t you mental berks.

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  1. says

    No we are not mental, maybe you are ? You have definitely got a very small mind, and probably that’s not all ….. and guess you know a lot about the heading….masterbating, you must do it all the time, rubbing your own ego, get a life before you start putting other people down.