Michael Jackson marked his big London comeback with the phrase This Is It. But, if you ask us, maybe he was being a little premature.
Because in fairness this is it – the moment when Michael Jackson starts postponing, delaying and cancelling his comeback concerts one by one until his entire 50-date O2 residence is reduced to him banging an upturned biscuit tin with a wooden spoon for three minutes in front of a single crying child in Bluewater car park.
Michael Jackson has postponed his comeback by a week. Not because he’s ill, though. That’s important. It’s because he’s rubbish.
Remember when Prince did his residence at the O2? Remember how he promoted it by promising a continually changing setlist of all his biggest hits? And when the Spice Girls had their O2 residency and promoted it by promising an evening of unashamed nostalgia by an era-defining act? Maybe – just maybe – Michael Jackson should have been taking notes.
Because Michael Jackson’s great big comeback residency at the O2 is just weeks away now, and so far he’s promoted it by a) giving a brief, ramshackle press conference after keeping everyone waiting for hours, b) trying to base the concert around the theme of Genuinely Shocking Animal Cruelty, c) roping one of his creepy children into doing most of the singing for him and d) possibly getting skin cancer. It’s not exactly textbook, is it?
And now for the cherry on the cake – Michael Jackson has now postponed the first date of his comeback by four days. Now, Michael Jackson’s representatives are claiming that this is down to the technical complexity and boundary-smashing content of the stageshow, while newspapers are claiming that it’s because Michael Jackson honestly needs to shave some of his nose off to see how bad the cancer is.
But whatever the reason, it’s fine – Michael Jackson’s fans are notorious for their love and loyal support of their hero, and so this postponement will be met with nothing but deep and profound understanding by all concerned. Isn’t that right, The Sun?
Sarah Ketterer, who booked two ?100 seats for July 10, said: ?Michael Jackson has let down thousands of fans.? Sarah, 23, of Brentwood, Essex, has been offered 2010 tickets. But she said: ?It's a shambles.” Telecoms analyst Ben Wood, 37, who has four tickets for the same date, said: ?I'm incensed. I'm not interested any more.?
Oh.
Look, let’s be serious for a moment. Why is everyone so surprised that Michael Jackson – a man who’s basically spent the last decade desperately trying to weedle his way out of all of his professional obligations – has started to dick about with his comeback? Wasn’t this exactly what everyone expected?
In fact, the man’s such a flake that we’re actually hoping he ends up cancelling all of the shows, since the sight of him actually onstage actually singing in a way that’s actually professional will obviously cause the entire western world to faint with disbelief as one, which would clearly harm economic productivity somewhat.
But if anyone is seriously annoyed about Michael Jackson’s concert postponement, we’ve come up with a perfect solution for you. By which we mean we’ve stuck a girl’s wig on a skeleton and we’re going to jig it about on wires to Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough. Location TBA. Tickets ?75.
China Blue says
Hahaha! I asked Stevie Wonder about this, and he’d said he’d seen this one coming.
I’m going to listen to MJ’s Off The Wall and Thriller albums (aka ‘The Ones He Made When He Was Still Black’) and remember how good he used to be. Good day.
Frank says
Hey heckler team, bet you almost had an orgasm when the announcement was made yesterday. Gosh you must feel so relieved after all those weeks of positive Jacko news…
Jo says
Fuck you Stuart!
Claire says
You go Jo!!!! I happen to be a fan of MJ, who was going to the show on 14th July and is now going on 6th March, and yeah i was disappointed that it has be moved so far back, but i am sure it will be worth the wait!!!
liz says
i agree, claire, everything happens for a reason
and this article is absolute bullshit- he did NOT consider a concert involving animals or his children-his people confirmed that was just a rumour, and we all most certainly DO want to see him NOT cancel these shows, we all wantt to see him make a fantastic comeback
i think tbh michael could well weasel out of at least some of the shows in the near or distant futuree, but for now, this occasion i dont think was his fault AT ALL!!!!!
it was the reason i chose to buy tickets on the 3rd night instead of the opening night,because i looked at the O2 dates and noticed that madonna was less than 3 nights b4 mj’s opening night, so i thoughtt it would be too likely to be postponed or cancelled- cause how were they supposed to get madge out and mj in and rehearsed in that time?
Rajeev says
So disappointing to read such vitriol.
ybj\\ says
wish i was a ‘journalist’ and be able to write such a decent article.
ybj\\ says
Earth song from HIStory made me a fan. I love HIStory, thriller and off the wall are not for my taste.
Amy says
I am SO fed up of reading these complete and utter pieces of crap. Tbh. Like hell its cause “he’s rubbish” as you so nicely put it. ITs completely the opposite of that you raving moron. Michael is a perfectionist. As it was he had 1 night for rehearsal at the O2 before the shows,, no one can do a show of that scale with a ONE NIGHT rehearsal !! Now he has 5…still barely enough to perfect a show of that scale.
MJ forever __ xx
Dave says
Firstly, good piece Stuart. Second. Liz are you for real, do you really believe everything you read? And what a load of bollocks on buying third night tickets cos’ you knew Madge was “performing” Bullshit, you got third night tickets cos’ that’s what they gave you! Anyway you’ll have to wait till next year now:)
But why do you all defend this worthless piece of nonsense? He’s a joke. Why did he change his skin colour, why did he have children in his bed, why do his children have stupid names and wear masks? Hell I could go on but what’s the point, you’ll all say It’s me that’s wrong and Michael is the “normal” one. But I venture all that I own, he will cancel at least 50% of this gig.
Shooty* says
Uh? What positive news. I totally missed all that. Are you talking about MJ’s own website, or something?
Shooty* says
Words fail me.
Anyone who thought these gigs would go ahead as planned it deluded. Anyone who believes the half baked excuse about practice time is hopelessly hopeful, or borderline retarded.
Maybe all the MJ fans should hook up with the Rihanna fans and have wonderful, halfwit, text speaking babies.
Julian Mentat says
I predicted 2 months ago that the concerts would not go ahead exactly as promised. Now I am puffing up my chest, strutting around and saying “told ya so”. Really, it’s less fun than it looks when children do it.
Julian Mentat says
Amy:
>> he had 1 night for rehearsal at the O2 before the shows,, no one can do a show of that scale with a ONE NIGHT rehearsal !
Amy, what you’re telling us is this: Mr. Jackson must, at some point, have agreed to do something impossible.
Indeed, he must have watched for some considerable time as his fans, in great numbers, spent their precious money (in a recession) on something that he knew could not happen.
Is that what you’re saying, Amy? Because that’s a terrible thing to say about a man. Worse than anything in the article.
Sarah says
I can’t think of any other celebrity in this world who is more misunderstood than Michael Jackson. SHAME
marc says
id rather see madonna :) michael jackson is full of shit
Genius G says
Yeah
Genius G says
Mj is a shit….Can you explain>> and why will you watch Madonna, to see boobs??