Today is a very special day, because it’s the day that Michael Jackson turns 50 – or at least the odd patch of Michael Jackson turns 50.

Seriously, there are probably parts of his face that are a couple of months old. But anyway, as bewildered as we are that Michael Jackson is 50 years old, his birthday does beg one important question: What do you get a man who’s already spent way beyond his means to have everything?

Turns out the answer might be a telephone interview with Good Morning America, because that’s what he’s been given. And how did Michael Jackson tell an entire country that he would spend this important milestone? By having “a little cake with my children and we’ll probably watch some cartoons.”

Don’t, OK? Just don’t.