Michael Jackson To Whine New Songs In London
Quick everyone! Don your sparkly gloves and pick up your replica Bubbles the monkey soft toy.
Do we have some earth shattering news for you! You may have to put your hand over your crotch so people don’t know you’ve pissed yourself in excitement.
Everyone knows that Michael Jackson is coming to London in July to sing a few songs and try smile. Being in the presence of a living legend is one thing, but won’t it be boring when he mimes from his old catalogue of hits? Don’t think that for a second, though! Michael Jackson is rumoured to be debuting new material at his gigs.
Back in the days when the most interesting thing about Michael Jackson was that he had a pet monkey, he could also dance fairly well. No surface was a problem for him – it was like his superpower involved awing thousands of people who couldn’t figure out how to do it themselves.
It’s been bloody ages since Michael last performed, and quite a few things have changed in the meantime. Back then he was able to walk around without the aid of 50 people and he wasn’t falling to pieces with all kinds of supposed deadly flesh-eating viruses.
So to announce a multi-date residency in London’s O2 seems a bit of a radical step to us. Imagine if his leg was to fall off during Thriller or, when doing a complicated dance routine like Billie Jean, his index finger flew off and blinded a teenager in the front row? Health and safety chiefs will be having a field day when MJ rolls into town.
Just seeing Michael Jackson live would be enough of a treat for his army of fans. But that’s not enough for Michael – he wants to give us something fresh and new. According to gig promoter Randy Phillips:
“Michael has got some new music and he is looking for a new way of disseminating his material to his fans. The star may give away a brand new album to fans at his shows, a measure used by Prince in 2007.”
Wow! The possibility of a free Michael Jackson album! After spending silly amounts on a gig ticket, food, drink, transport, hotel, merchandise and stupid Michael Jackson lookalike gear, it’s good to know you’ll be getting something back.
We’ve also heard that there is another competition at the end of the night where you can win physical parts of Michael Jackson! That’s right, every concert goer will get a raffle ticket and on the very last gig night, numbers will be drawn. Michael will then peel off bits of his body that you’ll be able to take home with you. Just make sure the jar you bring is big enough to fit a nose or piece of brain.
Whatever happens on the night, we’re sure it’ll be so good that you’ll see your own skin colour dramatically change thanks to sheer awesomeness of watching an old man wheeze to death on stage.
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Fuck you
That’s very kind of you to propose sex to Mr. Laidlow for his humorous article Laurence, but I don’t think you’re his type.
Should’t this be “Micheal Jackson To Whine Someone Else’s Songs That They Wrote For Him In London”?
We know he’s a no talent hack that can’t do anything for himself.
And if ANYONE belives he’s actually going to sing instead of lip synch, they are delusional. Oh wait, his fans are delusional mindless automatons.
I’m going out on a limb here and saying I just do NOT believe this run of concerts will get anywhere near completed. This 51-year-old is promising an awful lot, more than a performer half his age would want to tackle, and his primary motive seems to be a desperate need for money.
What gave it away? The fact that he can’t go outside his cryo chamber for more than 10 minutes out of time? OR The every 5 year MJ story that comes out to make him appear relevant?
I’d put good odds that this is not going to happen as well.
Sorry lobotomized brain dead fans you can go back to, uhh uhh. What do MJ fans do for a living? At least we know Sci-Fi guys work in IT.
Bully’s like Matthew Laidlow should be allowed to upload stories, not informative in any way. The moderators of this site should be ashamed. All it’s done is attract more bully’s like Matthew. The fact that people have to insult MJ fans, I find it petty and childish, common playground bullys, you people probably miss picking on younger kids at school so have to find other ways to upset peoples lives.
stupid article, its haters like you that make me sick!! well, you can’t keep a good man down. he’s going to walk up on that stage and give us real live vocals like he’s ALWAYS done, and have the whole freakin world in a gaze as they watch him “dance his ass off” like his promoter said he would do. then when all 50 concerts are over…he’s going to do it again in many other parts of the world
FUCK YOU.
THIS SITE AND ITS AUTHORS SHOULD BE SHOT.
IF YOU HATE JACKSON, THEN HATE IN YOUR OWN PRIVACY – NOT ON THE INTERNET.
JACKSON WILL OUT-DANCE, OUT-SING AND OUT-DO ANY AUTHOR ON THIS WEBSITE ANY DAY. HE HAS GOOD MANNERS, NEVER LOOSES HIS TEMPER AND IS ALWAYS WELL PRESENTED. MAYBE PEOPLE SHOULD LEARN SOME GOOD OLD FASHION MANNERS FROM MICHAEL AND STOP WRITING STUPID STORIES LIKE THIS. SHAME ON YOU ALL.
AND GUESS WHAT, IM A PRINCE FAN AND I DO NOT LIKE JACKSON AT ALL. THESE STUPID STORIES ABOUT HIM ARE GETTING TO ME, GIVE UP ON THE MJ CRAP OK BECAUSE ITS GETTING OLD AND ALL YOUR DOING IS SHOWING YOUR PATHETIC, LOW AND USELESS WRITING SKILLS – CANT YOU THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO TALK ABOUT?
Absolutely disgusting.
Prince fans do not talk in ALLCAPS. They utter sexy whispers to their laydee/object of affection.
Methinks I smell sockpuppetry.
WHY DA FUCK ARE YOU PPL ALWAYS MAKING FUN OF MJ?? WHAT DID HE DO WRONG? THE FACT THAT’S HIS 50 YEARSOLD AND STILL HAS PASSION TO DO A CONCERT DESERVES CREDIT AS A HUMAN BEEN wheather u like him or not.
I don’t think the concerts will be completed. Jacko is dead. I feel sorry for Bubbles.