Whilst clearly his death was proof enough that Michael Jackson wasn’t forever, now his hair can be.

It’s reported that some of Jacko’s locks are to be turned into diamonds to give weepy, creepy, monied fans a way of remembering the King of Pop.

But don’t worry, a morbid jeweller didn’t sneak into the Staples Center with a pair of scissors, whilst everyone was transfixed at that man with the scary eyes – the hair is from 1984.

It was supposedly in the possession of Ralph Cohen, the executive producer of the infamous Pepsi advert which saw Jackson do a memorable impression of a man whose hair was on fire. Cohen is said to have put some of the toasted tresses in his pocket as Jackson was rushed to hospital.

He reportedly kept it for 25 years before selling it to John Reznikoff, who has amassed a collection of hair from famous historical figures – including Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe. It’s unclear whether or not Reznikoff started this collection out of genuine historical interest, or just as a way of getting more women into bed. Steady, ladies!

Now Rezinikoff has teamed up with the American company LifeGem, who specialize in making shiny diamond keepsakes out of the carbon remains of your deceased loved ones. LifeGem say they’re evaluating a sample of Jackson’s burnt locks to determine how much money they can fleece out of gullible crayon chewers with more money than taste many diamonds can be created.

The company previously worked with the celebrity hair-hoarder to create diamonds from Beethoven‘s locks – one of which was reportedly sold on eBay in 2007 for around £122,000.

So, whose hair will fetch more – the King of Pop, or the King of Deaf German Composers? It’s an interesting comparison, on a similar note just last month the Daily Mail asked readers ‘Was Michael Jackson the Mozart of our time?’ Presumably they’re not suggesting Mozart ever got kids drunk and showed them his cock.

Given the recent reports that Jacko’s false nose was stolen from the Los Angeles county morgue, let’s hope that the same person doesn’t get their hands on one of these diamonds – then extract the DNA, create clones of Jackson and open a theme park on a tropical island, where these clones are allowed to run free. Only for a disgruntled employee to shut down the islands power grid in order to steal some DNA samples, thus releasing the clones from their pens and endangering the lives of a couple of visiting scientists and the grandchildren of the foolish, but ultimately well-meaning elderly tycoon who funded the whole thing in the first place.

That would be fucking stupid.

This was a guest blog by the mighty Simon Swatman. If you like him, you’ll love Mediapill…

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