Michael Jackson was many things in his life – the new James Brown, the new Elvis Presley, the new Gary Glitter.
But now? Now Michael Jackson is new Tupac. When he died, Michael Jackson apparently left 200 unreleased songs for his children to financially benefit from. Well, his children and the awful 1970s folk-country band America, that is. An unreleased Michael Jackson song has just been leaked, and it’s almost identical to their song A Horse With No Name.
That’s right – before he died, Michael Jackson went country. We assume it was to make his child molesting accusations look less horrific in comparison.
That now all the traditional posthumous rituals have been performed on Michael Jackson – the brain-scooping, the being placed in a coffin that looks like a giant Crunchie wrapper while a 12-year-old boy screeches at you, the endless accusations of chronic, out-of-control drug addiction – it’s time to get down to business.
Because soon you’re going to be hit with a tidal wave of official Michael Jackson merchandise to spend your money on. Would your life be complete, for instance, without a DVD of Michael Jackson listlessly rehearsing for a concert? No, it definitely wouldn’t. And you can guarantee that, somewhere, a Hollywood executive is desperately trying to find a way to transform the video of Michael Jackson running around with his head on fire into a feature-length movie.
And then there are the official 2009 Michael Jackson facemasks, which are admittedly just a load of 1985 Michael Jackson facemasks that were accidentally left out in the sun for too long.
But the most exciting news – the news that all Michael Jackson fans have been waiting for – is that Michael Jackson’s unreleased songs have started to be leaked onto the internet. Yes, if you like the idea of listening to 200 songs that Michael Jackson didn’t release because they weren’t even as good as the b-sides to any of the singles from his notorious flop album Invincible, then you’ve come to the right place!
The first Michael Jackson song to be leaked is a track called A Place With No Name, and so far we only know the following things about it:
1 – The track bears an uncanny similarity to A Horse With No Name by America, and it’s thought that the band had given Michael Jackson their blessing for his version.
2 – Nobody seems to known where and when Michael Jackson recorded A Place With No Name.
3 – Michael Jackson probably decided to keep to A Place With No Name unreleased because he realised that he was actually singing “I want to go to a place without no name,” and his use of the double negative made it sound like he wanted to go to a place with a name. And most places have names. So he may as well have said “I want to go to Thailand” or “I want to go to the Tewkesbury Medieval Festival and buy a toffee apple.” Bad grammar was always Michael Jackson’s downfall. Well, bad grammar and heavy-duty medical anaesthetic. And Jesus Juice.
Anyway, thanks to the similarity between Michael Jackson’s A Place With No Name and America’s A Horse With No Name, we’re hopeful that all of his other unreleased songs are based on songs that can be found on the soundtrack to Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas – like a revamp of More Than This by Roxy Music entitled I Thought I Had More Than This Amount Of Demerol Left (Hey Graham, Run Down The Shops And Get Me Some More Demerol) and a reworking of Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys by Ed Bruce called Mamas Don’t let Your Babies Anywhere Bloody Near Me.
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LARA says
you forgot to mention that Michael Jackson owns the Beatles, Elvis, Bob Dylan ……etc songs . tell me now who’s BAD.
JoeMomma says
Actually, he doesn’t own squat. He-dead!
gilbert wham says
Well, to be completely accurate, he owned them. You do know he’s dead, right? Plus, he didn’t write them, he bought them. I’d say the output of the aforementioned artists eclipses Wacko’s oeuvre as they were artists, not artistes. And, Wacko was pretty bad (bad meaning shit, that is).
shooty* says
Yup.
yomama!!! says
michael was greater than all.HATER
FUCK THIS STORY! says
MICHAEL JACKSON WAS THE MAN AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT.. IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT GO SUCK A DICK.. NAME YOUR FAVORITE MUSIC ARTIST AND I WILL GARANTEE YOU THAT MICHAEL JACKSON HAD MORE ACOMPLISHMENTS THAN THAT PERSON!! WHO’S BAD R.I.P MJ
stevie howard says
i turly want to know the reason for all this negitive bullshit against this man his personal life has nothing to do with his great undeniable talent to dance sing and speak to the heart of millions of people i am a fan of mj always was and always will be but it is shit like this that broke him down please just show a little respect if not for michael jackson the king of pop then do it for michael jackson the human or mj the father
Rivierasusn says
Your a dumb ass. Your worried about MJ and you should be more concerned about really taking care of your kids. Nope…. All you do is steal, lie and cheat. Your nothing but a womanizer. So why don’t you focus on your own SHIT. You can’t give out advise when your breathe smells like shit!!!
Ezza says
Dude, I don’t know who you are…. but my god, am I on your side. love you MJ
Ezza says
Leave Michael alone, everyone of you!! His personal life had nothing to do with you or anyone else. so shut the hell up an get on with your life. That is If all you haters have a life, instead your writing hateful comments. I if you didn’t like the guy at all, then why the hell are you reading up on him?? Ask yourself that. Love you MJ