It’s fair to say that the new Michael Jackson film This Is It will be the greatest movie in cinema history.
Wait, that needs to be modified. It’ll be the greatest Michael Jackson movie in cinema history. No, that’s still not right. It’ll be the greatest hodge-podge of halfhearted private rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson in cinema history. We’re almost there – it’ll be the greatest hodge-podge of halfhearted private rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson that’s released suspiciously close to Halloween in cinema history. Bingo.
That’s right – Halloween. Never say that Hollywood doesn’t have a sense of humour.
We know it’s a little early, but we think it’s time you started to plan your Halloween weekend. Specifically, what movie you plan to watch. Because you’ve now got the choice of Saw 6 or Michael Jackson’s This Is It. And it’s a tough choice – do you watch a hacky, convoluted, utterly formulaic piece of scary crap about a creepy old man with a toy fetish who delights in torturing those younger than him and clearly isn’t as good as he was a few years ago, or do you watch Saw 6?
Anyway, our point is that Michael Jackson’s new movie This Is It – the movie collated from fragments of his final concert rehearsals – has a release date. And, as you’ve probably guessed, it’s Halloween weekend.
What’s the significance of Halloween? Does it coincide with his birthday? No, that’s in August. Does it mark the anniversary of his first number one single as a solo artist? No, that happened in May 1981. Is it because the sight of a drug-ravaged 50-year-old plastic surgery addict absent-mindedly lurching his way through a number dance routines that he clearly has no interest in while worrying that all the sudden movement will cause his terrifying Munch-esque deathmask of a face to disintegrate naturally lends itself to the concept of Halloween? Well, um, yes.
Or because the Thriller video had a bloody werewolf in it or something. God knows. We prefer our version, though. Anyway, why the sudden rush to get Michael Jackson’s This Is It into the cinemas? The LA Times reports:
Sony Pictures Entertainment received court approval to bring Michael Jackson to the big screen… The court’s authorization, announced Monday in Probate Court by Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Mitchell Beckloff, allows them to edit more than 80 hours of rehearsal and behind-the-scenes footage into a movie.
Oh, we understand – it’s because if they take their time and craft a decent, well-edited movie that will do justice to the memory of Michael Jackson, people won’t be dumbly grief-stricken enough to watch it. It’s better to do a crappy job and get rich, everyone knows that.
So Sony has two months to turn 80 hours of footage into a coherent movie. That’s going to be a tough job, and it’s clear that the editors will face some tough choices – do they show Michael miming his way through a hastily-choreographed performance of Liberian Girl, or do they show him backstage being pumped full of medical grade anaesthetic by an ethically dubious doctor while another assistant sellotapes his nose back on?
Oh, the decisions.
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Go to hell retard, I hope you die, Michael is the King of Pop and this will be the best rehersal footage and memory of Michael Jackson the greatest entertainer of all time. You are a jealous pice o S**t, you have nothing and are nothing unlike MJ who will be remebered forever. I’d like to see you say this in front of his children you scumbag who has nothing better that to degrade, and torture a wonderful man who is DEAD. Get a life loser.
HAHAHHAH @ Bob. Idiot.
Selotape his nose back on…. WHAT A KILLER LINE!!
Man this atricle was funny. Made funnier by Bob’s total lack of a grip on reality.
i’d like to see what you would say if someone ever shitted all over you when you die. reality right?
nice way to talk about the dead
lmao, epic article
God, you’re hideous. Your words are very hurtful and ridiculous. I hope you have delight in eating them soon.
It’s obvious you know absolutely nothing about Michael, what he meant to this world and his children. Oh well, Michael’s beautiful legacy will live on, and the sweetness of his words and actions will continue to heal the world in the future.
Your hateful words will merely burn away along with your halfhearted resolve to belittle a man who’s better than you.