Michael Jackson Lives! Inside A Pregnant Woman From Sunderland!
That Michael Jackson, what a character. He barely went five minutes without getting into some sort of hilarious situation.
If he wasn’t buying all sorts of ridiculous crap that he couldn’t afford, he was probably skidding around in monkey poo. People complain when we call him Wacko Jacko, but how could you not?
One thing that really did make Michael less wacky was his relationship with children. There’s just something a little bit weird about a grown man who shares his bed with kids, no matter how innocently it’s done. But Michael Jackson is dead now, so that will no longer be a problem, right? Wrong – Michael Jackson has returned from beyond the grave, and once again he’s targeting the young. The very young.
Now, during an ultrascan, parents-to-be Dawn Kelley and William Hickman spotted something strange. Normally, people wouldn’t be excited by this, but the couple are from Sunderland. Usually, the town only gets excited when the giro cheques come in or the local chip shop runs a deal. But Dawn and William clearly saw dear old dead Michael Jackson on their unborn child’s face – that’s better than spending £20 on a fruit machine and winning a tenner back. Mr Hickhan told The Telegraph:
“I showed my daughter Ami, who’s six, and she saw it straight away, so I thought ‘well if she can see it too it’s not just me seeing things We were looking at the pictures again, and I just saw Jacko there.”
Bloody hell! So will that finally put Sunderland on the tourist map? Will grieving Michael Jackson fans make pilgrimages Sunderland to see the unborn Jacko miracle in a town that has more branches of Greggs than people? The queues haven’t started to form as yet, and even the proud father-to-be doesn’t seem arsed that his future child is marked by Michael Jackson. Speaking again, Mr Hickhan said:
“None of us are really Michael Jackson fans. I mean I like him, but we’re not crazy about him or anything.”
Perhaps the couple could hatch a Balloon Boy-style plot and force the child to work until it belts out a number one hit. But since the newborn will be a girl, they run the risk of giving birth to a LaToya, and that’s the thing that all parents fear the most.
However, it does seem that the couple from Sunderland expected this birth to be all mystical and strange. Had they been watching the Michael Jackson séance with comedy medium Derek Acorah? Don’t be daft, the couple are from Sunderland remember. The happy mother said:
“But it is my seventh child, and they say seven is a mythical number.”
Why don’t you make up your own mind – here’s the spooky Michael Jackson ultrasound in all its glory.
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The picture looks to me more like a night-vision shot of a G-Man trying to force an unhappy skull (which is jauntily sporting a Liquorice Allsort top-hat for some reason) into an sack.
So unless it’s a grave-robbing souvenir photo from the future I call ‘No Jackoface’. Great article though. The Greggs line nearly finished me off.
Hm, I suppose it does actually look like Jacko.
I’d be less celebratory and more suicidal though, to be honest.
Come on, that kid looks fucking creepy.
I’d laugh if it came out and just looked perfectly normal.
Oh, it be the mythical seven ye be lookin’ for, eh? Many’s the man whose ventured to these shores, questin’ after that mythical fella. Well, I must warn ye, the way ahead will be hard and fraught with dangers: the fangs of four; the fingers of five; the…skin? No, er, saliva! Yes, terrible stuff it is, burns like a bastard…the saliva of six.
Good luck to ye, traveling men, and remember: ’twas seven as ate nine.