As far as celebrity deaths go, Michael Jackson’s was fairly rubbish. Think about it, all he died of was a massive drug-induced heart attack.
At least Kurt Cobain went all out crazy mental and blew his own head off due to the heroin taking over his mind.
Elvis proved that death can be slightly comedic after dying on the crapper, all before finishing an artery-clogging cheeseburger. Then you have Michael Hutchence and David Carradine. Basically Michael, if you'd died after shoving a xylophone up your arse while trying to get a monk to play it, we?d have been more impressed. But simple industrial strength prescription drugs killed you. And marijuana ? you crazy wacky backy fool.
We expect Mr T to be mighty angry about these recent revelations about the Peter Pan of pop. Remember, kids, this blinged-up, Snickers-loving bloke pitied fools ? especially drug-taking ones. We solely believe that Mr T is going to visit Michael Jackson?s grave – if they ever decide to bury him – and lay the hurt down on his black or white decaying ass.
Thanks to groundbreaking documentary work by Martin Bashir, who not only managed to change the world's opinion of Michael Jackson overnight, we found out that he bloody loved Jesus Juice. If the blood of Jesus was a vintage red wine, then what was heck was Jesus Juice? Two parts piss carefully mixed in with three parts sweat with a touch of dried skin? Well, it could quite easily be this, but it was simply white wine. Michael said all the kids loved to gobble it down before snuggling up to him in bed. A perfectly normal activity for an adult male to do with young children.
With that in mind, we wonder what pet name he gave to marijuana. If he was already wasted with the children, it couldn't be something hard to say. Knowing Michael Jackson as well as we do, we've narrowed it down to a few possible choices:
A) Bubble’s stinky surprise
B) Magic rock
C) Daddy Jackson
It turns out that the day after he died police officials already found unknown substances in the singer’s rented LA home. MTV says:
?Though the report turned out to be false, police searched Michael Jackson’s rented Los Angeles-area home the day after the singer died based on a tip from unnamed members of the singer’s family, who said they’d found what they thought was a bag of heroin in his bedroom. The substance tested negative for heroin, but reports say that the search did turn up several other drugs, including two bags of marijuana.?
Heroin? That was always a stupid assumption to make, police people off LA. Tsk, don't you know Michael Jackson? He filled the world with, music, peace, happiness, botched surgery jobs, weird purchases and accidental head accidents. Do you really think he'd inject himself with something like that? No, of course not..
Yeah yeah, allegedly.
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corina driessen says
If you don’t like Michael Jackson than just shut up and leave the man alone!!!!
rose says
at this rate, with all the rumors circulating, i doubt that MJ will ever get the subway station in brooklyn turned into his memorial. interesting article i found over here: http://onthebutton.wordpress.com/2009/08/31/michael-jackson-subway/
China Doll says
Um, excuse me, everything you suggest that made Michael strange was media inspired. Michael was aquitted of child molestation and if you do your research, you will see that his accuser in 2005, also accused someone else of sexual abuse prior to Michael as part of a lawsuit. His accuser in 1993 denied any molestation until his father, in the middle of a bitter child custody suit, placed his child under psychotic drugs before getting any kind of accusations from the child who, after he was no longer under drugs, REFUSED to testify against Michael. BOTH sets of accusers went to lawyers FIRST before calling police. The SAME lawyer no less. The first one was settled by Michael’s insurance company against Michael’s wishes. (Read the docs)
As for the media, just look at the headlines from yesterday….all suggesting MaCauley Culkin fathered Blanket. All these articles written without anyone ever even asking Culkin, UNTIL TMZ contacted his rep who said the claims were so insanely “preposterous” that the refused to acknowledge them with a response. Yet, even articles that are written today, and mentioned that, still choose headlines like “Reports claim Macaulay Culkin fathered Blanket”. Even thought the article clearly says that Macaulay’s rep denies it. If you ignore the results of your fact checking to post a sensational article and a sensation headline, that most people will remember, and this is widespread across the media, then how do you blame Michael Jackson for that perception?
Michael Jackson, when alive, told people what he wanted people to believe regarding the paternity of his children. If the media chooses not to believe him and spends countless hours chasing after alternative parents, how is that Michael Jackson’s fault? How is the false perceptions that such efforts leave in the mind of readers Michael Jackson’s fault?
I’m tired of everyone faulting Michael Jackson for the media’s portrayal of him. He spent more than one lengthy interview trying to shoot down false rumors. The public chose to ignore him. The man couldn’t cut a break. Early in his career, one of his MANAGERS put out the sensational stories about the Elephant Man and the Hyperbaric Chamber, but since then, every sensational story about him was bred in the media. It’s disgusting.
Kitty says
This weird Michael Jackson couldn’t even die of heroin overdose, man!
What a loser. How could he dissappoint a couple of tabloid junkies(which applies both to the readers and writers), who got ready to burst into “Oh, this freak did heroin”.
Sorry for you, guys! But I suggest you go and enjoy Martin Bashir’s interview one more time, ’cause this is the best you’ll be ever able to achieve in journalism.
ari loves mj!!! =) says
i completely agree with you =) those mindless bastards enjoy ruining people’s lives, Michael never deserved that! *sigh* if only he didn’t die….. I’m sure they’d keep on claiming all those idiotic rumors. it’s good to know not everyone is brainwashed by the media =) good job!
Yasmin says
Wow China Doll. Why don
JoeMomma says
Congrats to being an MJ fan with a command of the English language and punctuation. Really bravo. Other than that though, you need help.
nohypocritehere says
Vey well said china doll, so who cares that elvis presley married a 14 year old girl! He was obviously Not a child molester, and was not even Judged in a court of law, oh and nooo insulting (wacko)disrepectful media crap about him!
Boy, racism is still very much alive and well!!
SS says
Eat some shit from Romania Laidlow,you fucking gay!!!!88 you fucking
jew!
Ironlung says
i love it. its simply bad manners to bad mouth Michael Jackson, but screw the Jews!! lots of love, SS.
eat some shit from England you cunt. its better than what you got for dinner.
Heather says
Well said China Doll …. totally agree with you. People out there aren’t very well read where Michael is concerned. Blasted media .. all in the name selling, driven by money.
hoohaahee says
Wow, emotions run deep on this issue.
Katt Williams said:
“Don
elle says
I love mj leave him alone he would never judge in such cruelness
he was a much better person than you -you should be ashamed im sooo sad people like you can be so cruel
WE LOVE U MIKE
bob says
you stupid nigger you have no idea of what the fuck your talking about.
go suck katt williams dick you fruit cake nigger