Michael Jackson Isn’t Dead And We Know Why
Despite the whole event of Michael Jackson’s death being covered by every news agency and blog around the world, some people don’t think he died.
Apparently, it’s just one giant lie that has been cooked up to relieve the stress from his weak shoulders. Yes, we think it’s rubbish too, but we’re not ultrasensitive, arse-kissing, fanboy conspiracy nutjobs.
So, the big question has to be, is Michael Jackson dead? Or is he in a magical and mystical place full of fairies, gnomes and hobbits? It seems unlikely – he was hardly the master of disguise, was he? Just because you sometimes get pushed around in a wheelchair, it doesn’t automatically make you an evil genius.
Still, it hasn’t stopped bored internet users shitting out wild and wacky theories as to why Michael Jackson’s sudden death is nothing more than an elaborate, if somewhat untimely, April Fool’s joke. If his Twitter feed has been hijacked to say he’d kicked the bucket, we would have laughed off the idea. But having what with all the paramedics and 911 calls, it seems pretty serious. Unless someone made a prank call! The fiend!
Using our in-depth knowledge of Michael Jackson, we want to toss our own theories into the ring as to fully explain why the king of pop isn’t dead:
1) He’s a shape shifter. Think about it, one day he went from a badass black dude with slick dance moves to a wimpy white man. Jackson obviously has the ability to change his appearance and he became bored of being a frail middle-aged man. For all we know he could be a tree, park bench or even an ice-cream cone. You could have just licked his face. Ugh, you just licked Michael Jackson’s face.
2) Michael Jackson is off to find Bubbles. You may have noticed that, before he died, there was an American version of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Monkeys, apes and chimps all belong in the jungle and that’s where Bubbles would have been sent to after he apparently started dry-humping people’s legs and pissing on carpets. Michael may have wanted to be reunited with his hairy ex-pal after being inspired by the jungle show.
3) He’s off to find the celebrity death island. When famous people die, they don’t go to heaven. Instead, they all wind up on a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean – this is what Lost is based on. After realising that Princess Diana, 2Pac, Biggie Smalls and Hitler would be there, perhaps he wanted to join the party early? Who wouldn’t when the dress code consists of nothing but brightly-coloured hula skirts?
4) He pocketed the money from the gigs in London he’ll never complete and plans to fly to the moon. This is Michael Jackson we’re talking about people; he was world famous for his moonwalk. Blasting off in a rocket ship to live there means he has his own unique paradise.
Some say he died due to the stress of rehearsing for his gigs and downing plenty of painkillers. But this is Michael Jackson we’re talking about. Anything he does has to be crazy and off the wall!
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I find theory 3 oddly comforting. Not for Michael (I didn’t care about him at all) but for celebrities in general.
when he died a few days later the local newspaper said “in the northland NO michael jackson CDs could be found on the shelves of any stores. I laughed and said yep, this is another publicity stunt to sell CDs
He was buying mangos on Ridley Road market yesterday; blended right in, nobody batted an eyelash. Said he is boarding with some illegal immigrants who made a good living in Dalston for the last 30 years and is confident he will remain undisturbed as long as he pleases. Seeing he left everything behind, I offered him a fiver to tide him over. He was very pleased, but refused; said he is already receiving benefits and riding bendy bus for free. He also landed a part in Bubba Ho-tep 2 playing himself.
As much as I would like to believe that it is just a publicity stunt. I unfortunately highly doubt it. When the DEA is called, I can’t imagine that they would be in on a prank like that.
What the hell is wrong with you people. Stop making fun of Michael and just let him rest in peace. Why would he cause so much grief for his fans, I mean 12 people already commited suicide, so stop saying crap and face the facts! I know it’s hard because it’s taking sometime for me to get used to it too, but i bet i was a bigger fan than any of you and i’m 14!
there’s nothing wrong with Michael’s face either, he was Allah’s creation and should be respected as any person. I actually find him attractive.
One part of me knows that he is dead and one part of me does not want to believe it. I really wish and pray that he is not dead and even if it is for the sake of publicity who cares. I just wish he is not dead. I also believe he was a wonderful person and we must not always believe the negativity that is spread about clebs as one needs to challenge their own intelligence. I hope we can find the good in people instead of looking for negatives. Let us look reflect on what he brought to this world in general and an era of pop music. Please stop passing all these negative comments.
I just wanted to thank you for your sweet words about Michael.
I knew him personally,and met him in 1987,while working as a Ride Operator at a famous amusement park.He was,in fact,in disguise.He was very good at this,and even though the clues were there,I didn’t catch on to who he was for about 10 minutes,until he grabbed my wrists to get my attention,and I leaned up to him,stood up on my tippy toes,looked him,as best as I could considering I am 5′6″,and I still couldn’t look eye to eye with him,that I told him I knew who he was,and his eyes widened in fear that I would blurt it out,but promised him I’d never do that to him.He relaxed,but changed his grip on my wrists to hold both my hands. We began to talk animatedly about life,antiques,our apparently very similar beliefs and multitude of shared interests.
He was very sweet,and when my replacement didn’t come,the duty supervisor escorting Michael,told me I could leave and he would send for someone to replace me,Michael came for me that night,at my mothers’ home,where I was living at the time.
My mother was a super media phobe and just wasn’t having it,so she made it impossible for us to be alone,and after I told Michael she just wasn’t going to allow it,even though I was 28 at the time,she could be a real ogre when it came to certain situations,Michael had suggested I come to live with him,since he wanted to continue to see me,that living with him would help us to get to know each other better and see where it would go from there.It never happened,and my mother was so awful,all night long,that I had to walk away from Michael the next day,which hurt him greatly,and he cried. He was so very sensitive,and easily hurt,like me.
Well,the following year,I saw him again,but while I had moved to another area of the park to work on rides that had been freshly installed and ready to ride,but he didn’t want anything to do with me.He honestly thought I’d hurt him intentionally,until I involved another duty supervisor,a woman,who was my favorite.
Together,she and the escorting duty supervisor came to my ride and never told me,at first,that Michael had come to listen
I had fallen head over feet in love with him in only a short period of 24 hours.He was deeply touched by that admission,and asked me,”Why do you love me? I told him it was the way he came looking for me even though he only had a tiny description of the house I was living in,and the area where it was located.
He’d waited all night long for me,in an environment I knew he was very uncomfortable in,listened to my every word,smelled like an angel sent from heaven(it was jungle gardenia he was wearing), and how he’d held my hands,told me he’d never hurt me,and I trusted him like I’d never trusted anyone in my life,and that out of all the females in this world,and he’d,I know,met millions of them,it was me he asked to come live with him.Well,he just said,”Wow,really?” I said “Yes,I do love you.”Wow,I said back.That’s never happened to me before.” Is that really possible?” We both just laughed at that.
Well,he waited for me that night,but I had cried myself to sleep right there in that dispatch booth thinking,after I’d been told that something I’d said had pissed him off,and I’d thought that was that,I’d never see him again,but I was helped to freshen up,without being told why,and he was waiting for me in the employee lot.He had his driver turn on his headlights and high beams to be sure I wasn’t playing games with him,and that I really was crushed.He apparently,finally believe me,and emerged from the back seat,dressed all in black.He looked just like he did in the “Bad” video,that he’d released earlier that year,and I melted all over again. He stayed with me for a couple more hours,and we just spent time together getting to really know each other.He,at some point,looked to his left,smiled brightly,and asked me if he could kiss me.I was so bowled over that there was actually a man in this world left,who would ask my permission for a kiss,that of course I said yes.He was a very sweet kisser.He could really deliver a kiss.Apparently he liked kissing me because he just kept doing it.Much to my happiness and shock. He was magnificent in person.Smelled so sweet. He held me in his very warm,capable arms,and I was in heaven. He held my hands for the longest time,but when it came time for us to talk more serious matters,like his business and about how people would attack me just for being with him,and some would attack me because of the black/white issue,he left me to ponder this and be sure I was ready for it.I was,but that wasn’t what had been troubling me.It was my mother who,once again,when Michael came to the house,she freaked out,was very cruel and rude to him,and once again,threatened to bring a rain of pain down on the both of us,that Michael once again,even after all we’d shared earlier that evening,had to leave without me.
I never heard from him again,as he was about to embark on his “Bad” tour,but I did hear from him in 2007,when I had been going back and forth with his attorneys who were working on his second child molestation case.We talked for quite some time,but I was living with a very abusive man,and when I heard the front door open,I panicked and had to cut the connection.I’d tried several times to call Michael back,after I’d told him the entire story of my then,current situation,in which he was determined to come help me in any way he could,but he never picked up.Michael was a black belt in 3 different styles,and was willing to kick the crap out of my abuser if I said the word.He would have too.But anyway,there is so much more to the story of myself and Michael,but it would take up too much room,and is also something I am not willing to completely share.I just wanted to offer you something more about Michael,so you can be sure that you were right about the kind of person he really was.Sweet,gentle,passionate,patient,loving,caring,and wow,what a great kisser.That man could deliver a kiss that left me weak in the knees.Lol.Thank you again for your sweet words
as if i dont believe u!!!!!!!!!!!! cynthia mcguair
Cynthia,
Michael was not your boyfriend. When you supposedly met him, I knew for a fact he was touring in Europe. You never said where you lived. The media wouldn’t attack you because they could care less about you. You never met him, just admit it you liar.You just want fame and fortune. Mike was shy and nervous around strangers so he wouldn’t come up to you and hold your hands. You say terrible things about your mom, too. The sweet words are not for you, they are for Mike. Stop taking credit for it as if you were married to him or something. Everyone here knows you are lying through your teeth. You met an impersonator, probably E Casanova. He’s a dead ringer for Mike. Sorry, but it wasn’t MJ you met, it was an impersonator. You are full of it. Why don’t you show us proof that you had a relationship with him? Probably because you can’t prove it. I also know for a fact that Mike drove his own car. He only had a driver during his trial, which I doubt you were there like you say. Why don’t you tell us the truth. You lied about that whole story. Probably lied about being abused too. You have major problems lady. Nobody here believes you because your story is pure fiction. Own up to the lies you tell you freak!
Cynthia, now I know you are lying because Mike’s trial was in 2005, not 2007. I knew Mike for 25 years. Mike never went to amusement parks himself, he sent in his doubles. Believe me I’ve known him for 25 years and he always sent in his doubles. You need to stop lying about Mike. In 2007 he was in Behrein and germany, so there you liar!
I WANNA TALK ABOUT SOME PHONNEY BALONEY SHIT I JUST RECENTLY HEARD MICHAEL JACKSON’S 4TH CHILD.WHAT THE HELL MAN? THEY SAID THE GUY IS LIKE 20 SOMTHING NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU WANNA COME OUT INTO THE PUBLIC EYE.LOOK AT MICHAEL VIDEO’S WITH HIS CHILDREN ON SOME HOME VIDEO’S HE TREATED THEM WELL HE PLAYED WITH EM WAS TEACHING EM HOW TO DANCE AND EVERTHING SO WHY THE HELL WOULD HE ABANDON 1 OF 4 OF HIS CHILDREN? IT’S EITHER HE LEFT OR THE MOMMA OF THE FOURTH ONE IS DUMB AS FUCK AND LEFT.THEN JOE JACKSON EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH IS BULL.HE TALKIN BOUT THE FOURTH ONE ACT LIKE A JACKSON TALK LIKE MICHAEL LOOK LIKE MICHAEL AND DANCES LIKE MICHAEL.THE HELL WITH THAT THEORY HE’S PROBABLY MIMICING MICHAEL.TO LET JOE TELL IT EVEYONES A JACKSON HELL HOW DO I APPLY TO BE ONE?ALL YOU GOTTA DO SLIDE AROUND IN YO SOCKS SAYING SOME HEE HEE AND YOU’LL BE CONSIDERED A “TRUE JACKSON” AS FAR AS WE KNOW JERRY SPRINGER COULD BE A JACKSON EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT HIS MOUTH IS SO FAKE THAT IT MAKES ME WANNA THROW A DAMN AXE AT MY TV WHEN HE’S TALKING.ANYWAY I JUST WANTED TO SHARE MY POINT UNTIL FUTHER NEWS.
WHAT THiS PiSSES ME OFF!!!!!!!!!!! ; THiS WEBSiTE WAS A WASTE OF iNTERNET SPACE.!
Your Theory #1 : A Shape Shifter. ; No boo boo . You should already know the first time is cause he fell &. broke his nose. he did admit he had surgerie|S| so we know he had more then one. butt hey WHEN HE WAS LiTTLE THEY MADE FUN OF HiS NOSE. &. MiCHAEL iS SENSiTiVE. ! So yeaa . His color change cause he had Vitiligoo, Dumb Fucks. &. If you use your EYES . and see in some of his pics. his skin is all uneven ! the make-up didnt work. so eventually it would be all over his body. wouldnt make sense to put make-up all over your body. he had [$$$] so he used it &. handled his busness. damn . other ppl had plastic surgeries. he aint the only one!
Theories 2 & 3. & 4 dont even make sense .! lmaO . why would he leave his kids ?. &. if he was in debt why would he do that. cause eventually he would loose all his money. !
SOO SADLY yes Michael Is Dead. But hey its life. someday God is going to be calling you. to BOUNCE UP OFF THiS PLACE .!
michael jackson mite be dead but to see is to believe or maybe they made this prank and fooled people hearts that michael jackson is dead to see is to belive just go to the cemetary and dig where michael jackson is buriedand believe or dont believe hey its just an idea.
Man Youre Stupid – whoever Posted That ? You Think Heaven Has Hobbits And Whatever You Said ? Stop Being Sarcastic And Leave His Business To Himselfff.
Wtf Yu Guys Are Assholes.
Michael Jackson Waz Tha Best Ther EVERRRR Was!
And EVERRR Will Be
Leave Him Tah Hell Alone Ay
He Did Nothing Wrong
So Stop Saying Shit Bout Him !
LETS GET THIS STRAIGHT YOU PEOPLE BELIEVE MICHAEL JACKSON IS A IDENTITY CRIMINAL SOME WHERE? [ AND THE FBI IS IN ON IT ! WOW WEEEEEEEEEE THINK I’LL WRITE A BOOK…. YOU FOLKS SOUND LIKE THAT BABY MA MA GIRL.
SHUT UP U BUT FACES MICHAEL ANIT DEAD HE WOULD NEVA DO THAT TO HIS FAMILY AND YERR TOTALLY HIS A ICE CREAM CONE WANKERS!!!!! IM 11 AND I THINK HIS STEAMIN HOT!!! HIS NOT UGLY DONT BAG HIM LOSERS!!! I LUV MJ JUST LET HIM REST IN PEACE U ASSHOLE`S!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I ONLY READ UP TO 3 CUZ I KNEW THE REST WOULD BE STUIPED
LUV U MJ!!!!!!!!!!! R.I.P
MIKE U BABE
You tell them wankers! I agree with you. He’s hot and sexy! You should read the one Cynthia Mcguire wrote. She wrote a pack of lies!
I know that’s right I think Mikey was very sexc for his age because its some ppl who don’t even look that graceful at his age he’s beautiful any shape color or form I love u Mikey and im not stupid or dumb because I believe Mikey is alive but not these theories they listed I have my own I really love him he has honestly changed my life for the better im 13 and a huge young lady fan he’s sexc and the best there ever was and ever will be. No Mikey we LOVE YOU MORE!!!!!!
Cynthia Mcguire, you’re such a liar. I knew him as well and I know he never knew you! Stop your lying! If what you say is true, and I doubt it, which amusement park did you meet him in? He only went to one! As for girlfriends, he only had 2. That was Lisa Marie and Debbie Rowe! He was not a black belt because he hated violence and he would never threaten to kick someone’s ass! He never kissed you either because he was a shy person. This happened in your dreams lady! Get over yourself!!!!!!!!! You are such a liar!
I love Michael Jackson i think he is the best
i love smooth crimanail and scream