When Princess Diana died, we did as many British things as we could to keep her memory alive.

So basically we drank a million cups of teas and then started a fight with a complete stranger.

But, following Michael Jackson’s death, American’s haven’t been upholding the same tradition. As far as we can tell, there wasn’t a sudden rush on at McDonalds or a shortage of country and western music. However, you can get your hands on an exclusive range of Michael Jackson tat to relieve the pain. And don’t let us put any ideas into your head that people are exploiting his death to make money. Oh no.

So what items of Michael Jackson rubbish can you spend your hard-earned benefit money on? After gig promoters AEG realised there was going to be a tiny gap in their finances, they announced this – the Michael Jackson This Is It commemorative concert ticket. It’s a special ticket which has a hologram of Michael Jackson on it. Moving him really fast makes it look like he’s dancing! That’s worth the price of not seeing Michael Jackson in concert, isn’t it?

Now then, did you love Michael Jackson to the extent where a milky liquid exploded out of your penis? If so, then this item is the one for you and your favourite wall. A special Michael Jackson poster has been knocked up in Photoshop and printed out. You could do the same yourself, but why not waste some money on it. Behold! The Michael Jackson commemorative “loved poster”:

When you go out to buy essential goods such as toilet roll, beer and whipped cream, what do you use? Credit cards and paper money are correct answers, but coins have been used since the time of the dinosaurs. So why wouldn’t you want to get your very own Michael Jackson commemorative coin? Granted, you can’t exchange it for goods or services – unless the prostitute is badly out of it on dodgy cocaine, but who cares! With this coin, they’ll always be a twinkle in Michael’s eye. Until the shine rubs off:

The Penny Black is quite a rare stamp. It’s so rare that people paint everyday normal stamps to try and fool fellow collectors. We’d have thought that by now, The Queen would have got her arse off the throne and publicly announced the change of design from her face to Michael Jackson’s. Available in black or white. Until this happens you’ll have to do with these Michael Jackson commemorative stamps:

If you were going to one of Michael Jackson’s gigs, you should realise that it was bloody annoying for everyone else. At any given moment, someone somewhere would drop their petty fact in to a conversation. Now who’s laughing? Not those flying in from foreign lands and who booked hotels in London. However, you can still boast you we’re going to watch an ageing man walk around a stage whilst younger, happier, fitter and less drugged up people danced around him, albeit on a Michael Jackson commemorative keyfob:

As you’ll probably know from reading this article, Michael Jackson is dead. However, this doesn’t stop this next item refreshing people’s memory of him kicking the bucket. Imagine wearing the commemorative RIP Michael Jackson t-shirt. People might literally jump off bridges as they relive the tragic horrors of their Jesus Juice-loving pop star dying.

Finally, this isn’t a commemorative item, but it amuses us to think that you can scare people by pretending the zombie of Michael Jackson has risen from the grave:

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