Waking up to a lawsuit every day doesn’t pay the bills. Not even a little. Neither does leaving expensive zoo animals wondering where all the hay went. Neither does building a sequel to your American multi-million dollar mansion on a ritzy man-made island in the Middle East.

But the bills they keep a-stackin’! Financially struggling Michael Jackson likely learns this lesson towards the end of every month. He’s also learned that the time has come to do something about it. 

Michael Jackson is getting a job. We know what you’re thinking, that this whole thing is going to turn into an awesome pun on the term ‘nose job’. Not so, word has it his current prosthesis is still perfectly good. Face intact, Jackson is getting a real job, with pension plans, loads of first day paper work, and an undying curiosity to know if the guy in the next cube is getting paid more than us. We meant him, getting paid more than him. 

Michael Jackson (CDs) has been offered a job by Ahmed Abu Bakr Janahi, whose name is frequently copied and pasted rather than typed. Mr. Janahi owns  AAJ Holdings Ltd, a Bahraini company aiming to set up theme parks and music
academies in the middle east. Jackson would be hired on as a
consultant for those projects, and may just be the perfect candidate
for it. Mr. Janahi had this to say about hiring Michael:

"Stagnant
architectural structures need content in the form of entertainment to
revive them and that’s where Michael Jackson will play an integral
role."

All well and good Mr. Janahi, except when it comes time for planning
the Bahraini petting zoo, and Michael may claim that giraffes love
standing in pools of their own blood. Bleeding giraffes aren’t
integral to anyone’s theme park needs.

Unpopular rumour has it that, up until this job offer came through, MJ
had been planning to go into cabbage sales down on the old town
square. Profit margins are pretty low cabbage-wise, but it goes to
show how ready he is to put his financial woes behind him.   

Other jobs Jackson may or may not consider are as follows:

1) An Immigration officer down at the Bahraini International
Airport. One of his two dozen butlers reportedly heard him say he’d
always had an affinity for passport stamping.

2) Public defender. We don’t mean lawyer, we mean like a guy in a
tight blue costume with a cape and a mask. Rumour has it a crazy-eyed
clown-like fellow with a bleached white face, gigantic red lips and a
tiny knob of a nose just moved over there, and heaven knows the Bahraini’ll need help with that guy.

3) The Bahraini Jackson 5. Michael could play clubs with four
locals subbing in for his brothers. You’d hear all their greats, like ABC and the blindingly fantastic I Want You Back, where Michael’s vocals
are pretty normal, but his ‘brothers’ all sing like Abu. Great music,
great comedy, everyone’s a winner.

Incidentally, if anyone ever cashes in on that last idea of ours,
it’s been fully patented any minute now. Also, if someone could post
the Bahraini patent office address in the comments below, we’d
appreciate it, for no particular reason.

Read more:

Michael Jackson Seeks Job In Bahrain - ABC 

[story by Shawn Lindseth]