Since the death of Michael Jackson, the publicity machine behind the Jackson brand has gone into overdrive.
Thousands of hamsters must have burnt themselves out as they try to keep their exercise wheels turning the cogs and machinery. As far as we know, no fresh Jackson music has surfaced, only recordings of Michael Jackson songs that were deemed too rubbish to be released at the time.
What the family needs is their own song, and when put to the theme tune of The Flintstones, it sounds like a hit: ?Jacksons, meet the Jacksons, they’re a creepy family, from the town of LA, they’re about to come up with another money spinning scam?. OK, we admit the last line needs beefing up, but it’s true that there’s yet another crazy opportunity for Michael Jackson?s fans to partake in. How about a jolly day out to the cemetery? It'll be fun and frolics for all the family.
It seems only fitting that America has some of wacky celebration to remember the first anniversary of the King Of Pop?s death. Look at our Japanese friends, who have the option to fork out ridiculous amounts of money to spend a night in a room full of his tat. Why anyone wants to sniff his used pants is beyond us, we can provide equally soiled clothing for a fraction of the price.
Following the death of a loved one, most normal families don't go around pointing the blame at someone. Especially doctors. Dr. Conrad Murray was the chief doctor assigned to Michael Jackson to make sure his nose didn't fall off, but he also had the ability to prescribe yummy medication.
All sorts of fingers were immediately pointed at poor Dr. Conrad Murray for supposedly hooking the King Of Uncomfortable Court Cases on drugs. We don't think Murray physically shovelled them down his throat – you know, perhaps Jackson took them himself? It's kind of like blaming a barman for making you feel ill the day after you bought 17 pints of lager.
But let's forget all that upsetting depressing stuff; let's look ahead to a day where nothing but Michael Jackson will be played all day to annoy us all. Those who happen to love grave spotting and having nothing better to do with their day can visit the cemetery he's buried at. Glendale Police Sgt. Tom Lorenz told the LA Times:
“We understand that Forest Lawn is working with the Jackson family for some kind of commemoration. We will be working closely with Forest Lawn to ensure the safety of those who want to pay their respects to Michael Jackson while ensuring the safety of others who are coming to the cemetery to pay respects to their loved ones.”
No doubt the other corpses won't want a zombie Michael Jackson stealing their thunder. Could some kind of incredible battle between thousands of dead people and a wacko popstar kick off? We hope so.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter
hannah says
Do any of you do any research befor you write an article, i understand you all want to be smart asses and try to be funny but you guys come off sounding stupid half of the time.
Vana says
Thank you Hannah. Well said!
Cookie Monster says
Update: there is to me a reenactment of the Thriller video with special guest corpse, Micheal Jackson.
uncle says
I will be holding a 1st anniversary sleepover seance where I will be serving free wine and porn, I would also like to extend a warm hand to any confused children who wish to attend.
Hayley says
I don’t think the word ‘journalist’ describes this writer. This is a cheap shot at a grieving family from an ignorant, biased individual. If you were a TRUE journalist you would know that one of the rules for journalism is to be respectful.
You are not witty, funny or entertaining and you are a pathetic excuse for a writer.