This is a mark of how famous Michael Jackson is: the announcement that Michael Jackson doesn’t have pneumonia has made the news all over the world, but we’ve never even come close to getting pneumonia and where are our bloody headlines, eh?

Still, maybe if Fox News had mistakenly announced that we were seriously ill in hospital with pneumonia too, we’d be getting the sort of attention that Michael Jackson is. Handily, though, Michael Jackson has trundled out one of his slaves to say that – rather than being struck down with full-blown pneumonia like Fox said – Michael Jackson is just feeling a little bit poorly with a mystery bug. Everyone’s fully expecting Michael Jackson to be up and at ’em again in the near future, though, since Jackson knows more than anyone that nothing kicks illness in the head like a litre of Jesus Juice and a quick wank.