Burying Michael Jackson isn’t like burying a normal person. It’s fraught with numerous difficulties.

For example, there’s the brain issue. Buried with, or buried without? And the location of the burial needs to somewhere where the coachloads of weeping one-gloved disturbo-fans won’t bother too many people. And, as the Thriller video manfully demonstrated, there’s not much stopping Michael Jackson from popping out of the ground and doing a little jig after he’s been buried and filled in.

But those issues seem to have been remedied, because today is the day when Michael Jackson will officially be buried. Probably. Almost probably.

It’s been a long time – 70 days, in fact – since Michael Jackson died, and a lot of water has passed under the bridge since then. We’ve discovered, for instance, that Michael Jackson liked nothing more than being pumped full of wildly dangerous medical anaesthetic on a regular basis. We’ve also been told that the biological parents of his children might have all been childstars, and that they’re all fairly lucky that Diana Ross isn’t bringing them up. Oh, and that Michael Jackson isn’t dead and there definitely aren’t any butter sculptures of him anywhere.

But that’s all in the past now. Despite mounting evidence that he wasn’t a particularly brilliant person, Michael Jackson was a human being and therefore deserves a proper send-off. Not a gaudy golden-coffined memorial service starring that oddly confident boy from Britain’s Got Talent and the world’s most detailed anecdote about chicken – a real, intimate funeral far removed from the corrosive glare of the media. Just Michael Jackson, his siblings, his mother, the father he deliberately cut of his will for beating him up all the time and, oh, Gladys Knight.

And that’s what is reportedly taking place today, at the Forest Lawn cemetery in Glendale, California. Because it’s a family-only affair, details of the burial are vague – in fact it’s still only an educated guess that he’s being buried today at all – but at least CNN has discovered what sort of artwork you’ll be able to find in the cemetery’s mausoleum:

The Forest Lawn Web site boasts that the mausoleum, “has been called the “New World’s Westminster Abbey” by Time Magazine. Visitors will see “exact replicas of Michelangelo’s greatest works such as David, Moses, and La Pieta” and “Leonardo da Vinci’s immortal Last Supper re-created in brilliant stained glass; two of the world’s largest paintings.”

So a few soulless copies of famous artworks that are supposedly better because they’re bigger and less old. We have a feeling that Michael Jackson is going to feel right at home there.

But still, at least this means that it’s time to say goodbye and let Michael Jackson rest in peace for good. Until, you know, his big tribute concert in a couple of weeks. And that film that’s coming out next month. And the deluxe remastered versions of all his albums that are no doubt being worked on as we speak.

And the extra-deluxe remastered versions of all his albums with extra material that’ll probably be released on the first anniversary of his death.

And all the other songs he recorded before he died.

And Uri Geller banging on about him all the time.

And everything else.

Oh.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter