Since covering multiple Michael Jackson stories, we’ve discovered that his fans are a passionate bunch.

They unified for his kiddie-touching trial and continued to defend the decaying legend when burly bailiffs knocked on the gates of Neverland.

With a string of London gigs to come over the summer, it can be assured that a huge cut of the takings will come Jackson’s way. However, this still hasn’t stopped an auction for people to buy his disused and mostly bonkers items. From sparkly tubes of toothpaste to replica tigers made out of matchsticks, we expect it all to be there.

Forget the Chris Brown v Rihanna court case; this is much more exciting and will result in Michael Jackson’s freaky crap being on display for all to see. That’s to see remember, not to fall off a chair through hysterical laughter at the spectacle of his collection of polyester suits in every colour that have never been worn.

Last Friday, a judge in LA ruled that the general public and Michael Jackson’s crazed stalker fans can buy his stuff. This comes after a decision that Jackson’s personal items won’t be returned to him from the now dusty Neverland Ranch.

The auction is being held by Darren Julien who has reportedly spent around £1.3m to get the auction organised. Now, after watching countless repeats of Bargain Hunt and The Antiques Roadshow, we don’t quite understand how it’s costing this much. Basically, you get a village hall, arrange some chairs and phone lines whilst a crusty man points and shouts at you once it’s filled with pensioners who have confusingly wondered in once they’ve collected their pension.

Subsequently, the inflated cost may leave the auctioneer bankrupt if it doesn’t go ahead. With £13.9m estimated to be raised from the five day extravaganza, there is a lot of Michael Jackson crap to be bought. Imagine the chance of owning one of Bubbles The Monkey’s shit-filled nappies or used razor blade. Despite Jackson’s kiss-ass minions taking money from a debt-ridden man, they are quite content with bankrupting another!

Jackson’s legal monkeys have immediately placed an appeal to stop the auction happening and the court date has been set for April 15th. If everything goes well, the accidental comedy event of the year can go ahead a week later on April 22nd. A lawyer for Darren Julian confusingly said the following however:

“The contract is clear as well water.”

Umm…we don’t visit wells often, but shouldn’t that be “the contract is clear as water?” Meaning they can’t really lose? Who knows, we’re not legal experts and would agree to Dodo insurance if given the chance.

So what tasty goods can we potentially expect to come out of the Jackson wardrobe? From what we’ve found, the following could potentially be yours for incredible low low prices:

“A collection of art, MTV Video Music Awards, crystal-encrusted gloves , a white glove he wore in his 1983 Billie Jean videoand nearly 2,000 other items removed from Jackson’s former home.”

Why he has one white glove from the Billie Jean video is confusing in itself. What happened to the other one? Did he run out of food and gobble down the other till supplies arrived? Or was it his parting gift to Bubbles? We’ll never know, but we can assume he sniffed it on cold lonely nights as he tried to remember the better days when Macaulay Culkin wasn’t in his life.

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