Michael Jackson’s Burnt Hair Is Up For Grabs!
Summer has gone and now we’re in autumn – the season we consider to be bisexual.
Whilst we rely on the sun to keep warm, there was once an incident involving Michael Jackson where he generated heat to the people around him. During the filming of a Pepsi commercial in 1984, the pyrotechnics went belly-up, leaving the king of court cases to receive second degree burns. In a move that isn’t weird at all, Ralph Cohen – the producer of the advert, bagged up the charred hair. Now he’s flogging it off Saturday.
This never would happened with Coca-Cola.
It’s been a big week for Michael Jackson. Not only has he released a brand new 18-year-old single, but he also got sussed for not actually writing it all by himself. Oh, and it emerged that the song had already been recorded by someone that no-one had heard of. We guess that if he was alive, it would just mean another trip to court.
And now one lucky bidder can win clumps of Michael Jackson’s horrifically burnt hair. It’s long been said that injuries that Michael Jackson sustained during the Pepsi commercial incident sparked his interest in delicious painkillers. However, we can’t be sure if they’re what made him climb trees for musical inspiration, have a monkey as a pet, make stupid and over the top purchases and wave his own children off hotel balconies.
Whenever we see people in peril, we immediately dash over and help. Just the other day, an elderly lady fell over and dropped her shopping. Of course we picked it up and went on our way. She didn’t say thank you, so we just took £20 from her purse as a form of gratuity. Obviously Ralph Cohen is on the same wave length as us. After pocketing Michael’s burnt hair immediately after the accident, he’s been sitting on it, waiting for Michael to kick it so he can flog it off to Michael Jackson fanatics/complete weirdos.
Collectively, there are only twelve strands of hair that are available at auction on October 17. That isn’t enough for you to stick together, attach to your head and pretend to be Michael Jackson, although it is enough for you to fire into the sun to create a Superman IV-style nuclear-powered Michael Jackson supervillain. NME.com reports:
“The 12 strands of hair are valued collectively at £1,000 ($1,600) and will be auctioned at the Radisson Edwardian Hotel at Heathrow, London on October 17.”
What anyone would do with a genuine part of Michael Jackson remains questionable. If you were ever out of dental floss, a strand of hair would substitute perfectly for getting that lump of chicken out your teeth. For the ageing people of the world, the addition of one strand of hair to your head will mean that you can go another day without buying a wig, attempting a comb over or stealing hair off the floor from the barbers.
Imagine how much Michael Jackson’s pubes would go far? He probably had them cast in gold, he was that mental. Grave robbers will be off to Cash Converters to collect a sum of money that will set them up for life.
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What a pointless, disrespectful and nasty little article. And how quickly the profound loss Michael Jackson’s death represents has made way for jokes at his expense. No change there then – here’s something else to chew on- if you finished laughing that is.
If anyone is interested in wanting to know the truth, like I was several weeks ago when – in shock at my reaction to Michael Jackson’s death, I first started looking behind the haze of hyperbole I have been force-fed for years via newspapers, TV networks and tabloid feeders like Smoking Gun about Michael – I received a rude and shattering awakening. There is a reason why a depth charge of grief and anger has ignited in the hearts of millions, if not billions of people around the world – some of whom were not die-hard fans as well as those, of course, who were. I invite – no, urge anyone who wants to at least talk about possibilties, to read Mary A. Fischer’s award-winning article ‘Was Michael Jackson Framed,’ to listen to the public and written statements of Thomas Mesereau, to read the extremely well written book by Aphrodite Jones – ’The Michael Jackson Conspiracy,’ Geraldine Hughes ‘Redemption,’and to visit thesilencedtruth website. On this website please take the time to look over the comments in the ‘Remember’ section – in particular Cory Rooney’s. For seemingly unfathomable reasons, a well-researched and successful extortion attempt by one man, Evan Chandler – a man who is now forcibly and legally estranged from his son, and who from copious statements from witnesses involved in the circumstances of that time has been described as a self-serving, opportunistic predator who cared little for his own son – and even less for the truth. When one looks behind the hysteria induced by countless others who put ratings and copy before a human life; you end up with more of a collection of compelling questions than answers, and a more than seriously uneasy feeling of something being not quite ‘right’ about the sheer level of engineered cruelty involved. In years to come, perhaps reasons will emerge from the rubble as to why a supernovic talent with a history of unparalleled giving and a persona of complex innocence was consistently and wilfully humiliated, tortured and stripped of his human rights for a period of over 15 years, on the basis of astonishingly non-credible accusations – and more importantly why this was actively encouraged. May I say at this point that I am not a conspiracist, I find that approach to life, depressing and ultimately limiting. But it cannot be denied that the potent, heady mix of newly syndicated, pneumatic televison networks and online tabloids all fighting for their share of white hot media glare; the lure of fantastical amounts of money and good old fashioned human greed; came together to produce one mother of a takedown. In the final analysis, it seems this was never really a story about drugs and the Beatles catalogue – but about our willingness to believe a lie.
p.s Oh, and for the record Michael did not pay off the first extortionists, his insurance providers paid it as part of indemnity that included the cancellation of the ‘Dangerous Tour’ as a result of the allegations.