So, this is it. My last post as hecklerspray editor. Weird.
I've been with hecklerspray for over five years, in which time I've written almost 9,000 posts, won awards, helped the site become quite big and received more woefully misspelled death threats than I could ever count. So these next few paragraphs might be a little bit self-indulgent. Sorry.
Mainly, I need to thank some people. Chris and Dave, the shadowy hecklerspray puppeteers, for giving me this chance in the first place. Friends and family, for putting up with me when I've ignored them in favour of work. Michael Bay?s lawyer, for not going completely apeshit that time I accidentally called his client a murderer. Britney Spears, for shaving her hair and going mental that time. Seriously, Britney, that was hilarious.
And, obviously, all the hecklerspray writers past and present, even though the last thing their bloated collective ego needs is praise.
Most of all, though, I should thank the hecklerspray readers. Over the years, more than anyone else, you've helped to make the site what it is. You've been quick to compliment (and even quicker to criticise) and this blog would be a pointless empty husk if it weren't for you lot. I've got to know a few of you over the years, and I'll miss you all ridiculously.
Not that this is the end of hecklerspray of course. My replacement Mof Gimmers has already shown that he's a mighty editor, and a funny bastard, so I've no doubt that he's going to completely overshadow anything I've ever accomplished within about an hour and a half of taking over. And, who knows, I might still come back and write the odd bit whenever I can.
Speaking of which, I'm not dying or anything. If you want, you can still read my Guardian stuff, plus you can all keep in touch on Twitter and Facebook and whatnot. That?d be quite nice, actually.
Ugh. Sincerity. How vulgar. This must be my excuse to get drunk.
Toodleoo everyone. It's been a ball.
Stu.
PS: There's usually a thing here about following hecklerspray on Facebook and Twitter, but putting that bit in was always a bit of a ballache so I won't bother. But, you know, do.
Amy Grindhouse says
I just wanted to say another goodbye, Stu. And thank you for being enough of a silly bastard to invite me to ruin this site, every Wednesday afternoon, for the last year-and-a-half. I don’t quite deserve the pleasure of being a shit writer, on such a great site, but for some reason you allowed me that honour anyway. You’re a silly silly bastard. And, we’re going to miss you. :'(
Ashley says
Stuart, without wishing to sound too crawly, you did an amazing job at the Spray. Anyone who can write that wittily (and like the Television Personalities) is a genius in my book. Good luck with what you do next. Who is this Mof Gimmers chap? Never heard of him…
kimsnarks says
Good luck to you, sweetcheeks. Don’t take it personally that in the “Related Posts:” list is “It Will Kill You: Scorpions” and “Smash Hits, Once Alive, Now Dead.” I’m sure it was totally random and not a message from your replacement.
C J Davies says
You’re going to miss paying a ludicrious amount of attention to the life and career of Miley Cyrus. Admit it.
Scaraboo says
I don’t know why this is making me so sad, but it is. Best of luck with EVERYTHING and you’re to buy me a pasty when I get to London, remember?
You’ll be missed, but I have every confidence in Mof [like I’m an authority]
BYE STU.
Eugene says
Thanks, Stu. It’s been a blast.
Kat Hannaford says
Going to miss reading your stuff Stu, but at least you’ve got a half-decent replacement!
One question: who’s going to do the Baftas red carpet videos now? I’m looking forward to hearing how Mof can one-up “Shia, Shia…you mooonkeeey!”
Ian Dransfield says
Let’s not let emotion get the better of us here – this is the man that let me take over more than once, and he’s now handing the reigns to someone called ‘Mof’, for eff’s sake.
Stuart Heritage is clearly a fucking lunatic, and this place is a far more comfortable place without his stench lingering in the air.
Just sayin’.
someone says
thanks for the heads up about your other gig, and for making egomaniacal celebs such a source of amusement, there is no way anyone could ever replace you sweetie, ta
Dabby says
Good luck Stu, and thanks for all the lolz. I’ll look out for your articles on the Guardian :)
Pamalamadingdong says
This just sucks. I know you’re leaving us in good hands, and Mof IS a funny bastard, but it still sucks. Going to miss you my friend, from one of the nameless faceless minion you’ve cultivated during your time at the Spray. Good luck!
Paul Gibson says
I can’t believe this, but I am weeping actual tears here. I promised I would be stronger than this, but no: the unrestrained joy and lightness in my heart was just too strong. Screw you, Stuart Heritage.
(Thought you needed the internet to insult you one last time.)
Stella says
So someone offered you a higher salary at last? Or it’s just that you are in no shape to moonlight anymore?
Joke Police says
Bye Stu – it was your Big Brother write-ups that first drew me to this site back in 2006 (or was it 2005, tdunno) so it’s strangely apt that you’ve gone out on the same night.
Also thanks for that Marilyn Monroe article that led to all the Mark Bellinghaus weirdness. I enjoyed that. Although I think that one was written by ‘Hecklerspray Staff’. I love that guy too.
StuFan#1 says
it is a sad and saddest day because Stuart Heritage (who I will enform all of these who aren,t a ware that he is is the owner and master and best of the internet pages i)s truely leafing us????????????????I can,t say words to discribe this felling so it had to be the poem which is coming and here it is (the poem which is coming and here it is)
Stuart Heritage
is cooller than my fridge
hecklerspray
is my reason every day
so I,m sad
because his going a way
this is the end of me
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Cookie Monster says
Ah, Stuart, parting is such sweet, yadda, etc. I will sincerely miss your posts. How you could string together one hilarious article after another has amazed me throughout. The other 8998 posts weren’t half-bad either (ta-dum!).
Good luck to you, sir Heritage. You have left this bit of daily fun in good hands. Mof appears to have the knack, though it will never be the same. This feels a bit like seeing a new doctor for the weekly prostate exam, though Dr Mof Gimmers has a leg-up by way of having a much funnier name.
And so, thank-you, Stuart, and congratulations Mof! NOW MAKE ME LAUGH LIKE STU DID!
:^) says
This entire situation could be likened to the saga of King Arthur. First, Stu was the leader of the spray and it was a glorious time for anyone who likes to read really brilliant stuff. Then, someone who’s name begins with the letters Mo usurps the head bloke’s position, (Mordred in King Arthur’s case, Mof in Stuart’s). Are we to believe that Stuart Heritage will return when his people need him most? Hopefully, but also, is Mof really his son/nephew? And, has he thrown his computer in a lake in the hope that when the next great blogger comes along it will rise again? We just don’t know. Bye Stu.
Stella says
I checked out a couple of your posts on Guardian.co.uk. Compared to your Hecklerspray posts they’re written by a toothless shark, or a beakless and clawless eagle, or whatever they make you into over there.
magnetite says
I still expect you to be our next Barry Cryer, Mr. H.
You’ve got less than four years now. As, I suspect, does he.
Don’t even let his throne get cold.
Best fucking regards,
magnetite
Emma says
You are a pretty good writer yourself, young lady. Stu had that sense of humor that I will miss the most. good luck
HT says
This is awfully distressing news. Words fail me. Here’s a song:
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you’re here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Tom J says
Ah crap, I hate goodbyes. Just want to say thanks for the hearty laughs you’ve provided us with over the years and I wish you the best of luck doing something that doesn’t involve perving over B-list celebs all day.
Soph says
Come back :(
pooby says
shut paul gibson! I’m coming for you!