If there’s one thing Hecklerspray’s always hated it’s getting third degree burns all over our body after sitting too close to an exploding easy-bake oven.

If there’s another thing Hecklerspray hates it’s including Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in any potential Goonies sequels – unless of course one of them is playing a revamped Sloth. Smoosh Smith’s right eye way down, get him a chubby boy to fall in love with – and in all likelihood you’d got yourself some Oscar nods.

Speaking of which – you know how Josh Brolin was in Goonies? Well that allows us an awkward tie-in to Men In Black 3.

When Men in Black II ended, Will Smith got turned into a statue by a shiny black half-robot and Tommy Lee Jones had just learned he was fathered by Gollum. That last part was in a very sexy flashback scene. It involved a dozen roses, a fish dinner and Mimi from the Drew Carey show.

It was truly a tremendous plot – and it payed off too. Not really though. Really it tanked.

That may not be accurate either. All we know is a third in the franchise is being made – and this one stars the guy from Goonies that stole Troy’s girl. We know – we’ll never trust him again either.

The LA Times has the scoop:

“With “No Country for Old Men,” “Milk,” “W.,” and, of course, “The Goonies” on his resume, Brolin’s filmography speaks for itself. Now he may be adding “Men in Black 3″ to that estimable list. The actor is being considered for a role that would have him donning the black suit and shades for the third installment of the sci-fi comedy franchise. His exact part is a matter of discussion, but in recent days there’s been chatter in Hollywood development circles of a few possibilities: He could play a new single-monikered government agent, with Tommy Lee Jones’ Agent K passing the baton to Brolin’s character. Or he could play Agent K as a young man. Or something else entirely.”

That sounds like a terrible movie. Any film synopsis with no mention of magic bears, racecars or unicorns should be sprayed down with the business end of a sick pig. Even so – they’ll probably go through with filming anyway.

Lucky us, eh?

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