We can’t really remember what Mel Gibson does anymore. We think he may have made some films at some point but we’re not certain because really, all he does these days, is appear in our newspapers and blogs as a man gone mental. And possibly racist. And possibly a bit handy with his knuckles.

Of course, it seems a bit peculiar that we’re running a story on Gibson when news is breaking of Ray Mears involvement with the Raoul Moat case, but nevertheless, we continue.

So what’s he been up to now? Yet another sweary tape filled with some staggeringly creative insults aimed at his ex wife and their child? Well, no. The story takes a turn for the weird(er) as news emerges that, on Wednesday, investigations turn to Oksana Grigorieva who may have been attempting to extort money from the ‘Attack Force Z’ star.

According to just about every American publication, a LA County sheriff’s spokesperson said that investigators are “looking into” claims of an extortion attempt which of course, relates entirely to the series of incredibly gruesome and uncomfortable tape-arguments between Gibson and Grigorieva.

If you’ve been living in a hedge for the past fortnight, you’ve missed a series of recorded phone conversations between this pair which are, quite frankly, the most awkward thing you’ll ever eavesdrop into. Yes, more toe-curling than that video of David Hasselhoff pissed out of his skull, lying on the floor with no top on.

Anyway, sheriff’s detectives have got to find out whether Gibson smacked Grigorieva about (apparently while she was holding the couple’s infant daughter). It is worth noting that the police have met with Gibson’s lawyers and he’s strenuously denying these allegations.

We don’t want him phoning us up in the middle of the night and hoping we get raped by “n*ggers.” We don’t want to get raped by anyone of any creed, thank-you-very-much. Unless it’s Johnny 5 from Short Circuit, but that’s a long story involving a weird dream after a bender on stinky cheese.

There’s still no word from Gibson and no-one has come forward about the tapes, saying whether or not it is his voice that can be heard howling racist and sexist slurs (and dropping a few ‘C’ bombs).

It appears that, even if he did say that she “deserved” to be hit, any tapes wouldn’t be admissible in court because the law requires both parties to give consent to having any conversation recorded.

Either way, this is all one horrible carwreck of a story and we wish it would piss-off because it is getting increasingly harder to say anything funny about it. It’s either all bollocks or he’s mental, which means we can’t laugh at him. Unless, of course, he’s just a massive c-[Right! That's enough of that! - Hecklerspray Management]

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