Sometimes rambling can be a good thing. Other times, like when you've been arrested for drink-driving and you feel like discussing everything from the ownership of Malibu to how Jews ruin everything to girls with sugar tits, not so much.
Most people, had they been in a similar situation – and then seen that situation get blown up into one of the biggest stories of the year – would become a recluse living off the What Women Want money, but not Mel Gibson. Mel Gibson has a confusing-looking dead language-scripted movie coming out soon – and that means Mel Gibson has to go on TV, apologise relentlessly for his stupid drunk rambling, declare that he's not a monster and try to explain the difficult technicalities of trying to pack loose toothpaste into small containers to Diane Sawyer.
At one point or another in our lives, if we all look deeply inside ourselves, we can find moments that we've regretted. It might be time that you let the love of your life slip through your fingers, or the time you let someone else get in trouble for something you did, or the way your mother is constantly in floods of disappointed tears because sitting around on your computer writing about famous people all day isn't a proper job and your younger brother's got a well-paid management career even though he didn't go to university like you did. Ahem.
Mel Gibson's regret, though, is bigger than most – his includes getting drunk, driving around until he was arrested, claiming that the fucking Jews are responsible for all the world's conflict, threatening to have sex with the male arresting officer, calling a female officer "Sugar Tits" and claiming ownership of the entire Malibu community. Knowing full well that the ensuing backlash could finish his career, Mel Gibson did the only thing he could – he apologised for slagging off the Jews then checked into rehab then did some more apologising. If this wasn't enough, Mel Gibson had to also endure attacks by Spartacus, defensive statements by all his Hollywood pals and – perhaps most damning of all – a bunch of cool kids writing Haikus about him.
In the near future, Mel Gibson's daft-looking Apocalypto movie will be released and – knowing that nobody wants to go and see a film in a dead language directed by a pissed-up anti-Semite – Mel Gibson has gone on the charm offensive. First he showed Apocalypto to some Texans and slagged off the Iraq war, and now Mel Gibson has decided to speak publicly about being a drunk twat, and was interviewed about it by America's leading Sugar Tits, Diane Sawyer, for a show to be broadcast tomorrow.
Mel Gibson spent the entirety of the Diane Sawyer loudly interview reiterating all of his sensitive anti-Jew statements and claiming that, as well as war, Jews are also responsible for illness, earthquakes and the way that sometimes all the little plastic teeth that hold CDs securely in their cases are broken when you buy them. OK, weirdly enough that didn't happen – instead Mel Gibson went into super mega hyper apology mode about everything from all the nasty things he said…
"What I need to do to heal myself and to be assuring and allay the fears of others and to heal them if they had any heart wounds from something I may have said. So, this is the last thing I want to be is that kind of monster."
…to the backlash he received from everyone who said they'd never work with him again…
"I feel sad because they've obviously been hurt and frightened and offended enough to feel that they have to do that. Um, and it's their choice. There's nothing I can do about that… I'll always continue to work. I've never much depended on anyone but myself, as far as that goes. And, hey, I'm not under the illusion that everything's just going to be hunky-dory work wise forever. I've never been under that illusion. Things could go away tomorrow."
…to how staying sober is a bit like toothpaste or something…
"A couple of times, you know, it was like oh, man, the hell with it, you know. But you don't, because I have friends and people that care and, you know, you'll fortunately be at the right place at the right time to, you know, reach out and … And many people have reached out. My goodness. I mean it's … I've been overwhelmed. Years go by, you're fine. And then all of a sudden in a heartbeat, in an instant, on an impulse, somebody shoves a glass of Mescal in front of your nose, and says, 'It's from Oaxaca,' and it's burning its way through your oesophagus, and you go, 'Oh, man, what did I do that for? I can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.'"
It's good that Mel Gibson is able to talk publicly about his problems in such an open way. Will it convince people to go and see Apocalypto, though? Of course not – it looks rubbish.
[story by Stuart Heritage]