Mel Gibson must be over the moon – he’s finally got enough children to become the star of his own reality TV show.
Imagine what a perfect show that would be. It’d be almost exactly like Jon & Kate Plus 8, if only the internal dynamic of that show was based on Jon Gosselin‘s constant struggle to avoid another full-blown anti-Semitic alcoholic relapse instead of John Gosselin’s constant struggle to stop the world seeing how bald he’s going.
But anyway, our point is that Mel Gibson became the father of his eighth baby on Friday. Mother and baby are fine, but the father can be a bit of a dick sometimes.
Anyone wondering why Mel Gibson’s films are so notoriously gory should understand one simple fact about him – he’s now fathered eight children. Assuming that he was in the delivery room for all eight of those births, that means Mel Gibson has seen more blood and guts and involuntary pooing and, yes, rectal tearing than any man really deserves to. It’s probably seared onto his mind. He probably can’t even close his eyes without seeing a nightmarish montage of horrific rips and gapes and tiny little blood-covered fingers emerging from the dilated genitals of his loved ones. No wonder Apocalypto was so violent.
On a happier note, Mel Gibson has just had a little girl. Yay. The RadarOnline reports:
RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively that Mel?s fianc? Oksana Grigorieva has given birth to their baby. And pass out the cigars because it's a healthy baby girl. Oksana gave birth on Friday, a few weeks early but a source tells RadarOnline.com that everything went well and mom and daughter are doing just fine. In fact, RadarOnline.com has learned that mom and the baby are already home.
Not only is the new baby Mel Gibson’s eighth, but she’s also the fist that Mel has had with Oksana Grigorieva, his new and almost immediately impregnated fiancee. It seems like good news – after all, Mel and Oksana seem like they’re in their relationship for the long-haul and the baby certainly won’t cause any financial headaches for the couple – but it’s important to remember that both Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva already have children of their own, so there’s a good chance that they have wildly conflicting ideas about raising kids.
For instance, as a wealthy Russian, Oksana is likely to value self-direction when it comes to child development, and will allow the new baby freedom to roam their house and make her own mistakes. Whereas Mel Gibson, on the other hand, knows that the best way to raise a child is to give it love, protection and endless angry lectures about exactly why the Jews are responsible for everything bad that’s ever happened to the world.
So that could be a problem. On the plus side, though, there’s a good chance that Mel Gibson’s new baby will have Joe Pesci as a godfather. Wait, no, that’s not as plus at all, that’s also terrifying. That poor girl’s done for.
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Turntable says
She, oksa, said herself to AP and to english TV that she was due for december. She must have missed all her checkups and be unable to count pregnancy months, to be wrong of 2 months! SHE SAID DECEMBER..
THATS 2 FULL PREGNANCY MONTHS OF 28 DAYS, TOO EARLY.
The 14 of october she was on the second week of her 9th month!
but didnt look pregy at all.
in fact she was downrigth flat..
Alan Nierob refused to confirm that news as he had not heard of it, or know it to be an hoax, or know that Mel dont recognise the kid as his, which imply that Mel Gibson didnt knew about it either.
as for Radar Online “Mel passing out the cigars in the waiting room”.. of a maternity clinic???
scuse me I dont think thats realistic!
For the first to whom???
His wife Robyn?
His kids?
For the second can we now smoke in maternities waiting room?
For the third what was he doing in the waiting room?
naa doesnt sounds real
and add to it that he is filming The Beaver today in NY, in 1133 Westchester Ave, White Plains, meaning he left last night already, ehem.. and was with his kids away from home on friday, so there.
He doesnt seems to care at all.
More like awating the DNA test.
It pretty much cancel their fake info of her being his “fianc
Mizz Korsakov says
Re: Turntable – At last! A well-researched, level-headed, uncompromising, finely-written comment worthy of Hecklerspray’s high standard of public discourse. A true pleasure to read.
Hecklerspray, you should hire this guy/gal!
kimsnarks says
If it was a boy, they were going to name it Honeynuts then call him Cheerios as a knickname. It was all well thought out.
Kitsune says
I second this! Rarely have I been witness to such fine, well thought out, and generally coherent penmanship. With lines like
“naa doesnt sounds real”
and the ability to know without a doubt such information as
“There is no marriage, no plans for it, no ring, and nothing left now.”
I can only assume proffesional training was involved.
MelAndOksanaBoundTogetherByLove says
Entertaining post, turntable. Entertaining as hell. Mizz Korsakov, you are definitely onto something, and I hope Hecklerspray decides to take your advice to heart. :)
Turntable, you need to figure out a way to start understanding sarcasm, and when words are used for effect. The comment “And pass out the cigars because it