Mel Gibson must be over the moon – he’s finally got enough children to become the star of his own reality TV show.
Imagine what a perfect show that would be. It’d be almost exactly like Jon & Kate Plus 8, if only the internal dynamic of that show was based on Jon Gosselin‘s constant struggle to avoid another full-blown anti-Semitic alcoholic relapse instead of John Gosselin’s constant struggle to stop the world seeing how bald he’s going.
But anyway, our point is that Mel Gibson became the father of his eighth baby on Friday. Mother and baby are fine, but the father can be a bit of a dick sometimes.
Anyone wondering why Mel Gibson’s films are so notoriously gory should understand one simple fact about him – he’s now fathered eight children. Assuming that he was in the delivery room for all eight of those births, that means Mel Gibson has seen more blood and guts and involuntary pooing and, yes, rectal tearing than any man really deserves to. It’s probably seared onto his mind. He probably can’t even close his eyes without seeing a nightmarish montage of horrific rips and gapes and tiny little blood-covered fingers emerging from the dilated genitals of his loved ones. No wonder Apocalypto was so violent.
On a happier note, Mel Gibson has just had a little girl. Yay. The RadarOnline reports:
RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively that Mel?s fianc? Oksana Grigorieva has given birth to their baby. And pass out the cigars because it's a healthy baby girl. Oksana gave birth on Friday, a few weeks early but a source tells RadarOnline.com that everything went well and mom and daughter are doing just fine. In fact, RadarOnline.com has learned that mom and the baby are already home.
Not only is the new baby Mel Gibson’s eighth, but she’s also the fist that Mel has had with Oksana Grigorieva, his new and almost immediately impregnated fiancee. It seems like good news – after all, Mel and Oksana seem like they’re in their relationship for the long-haul and the baby certainly won’t cause any financial headaches for the couple – but it’s important to remember that both Mel Gibson and Oksana Grigorieva already have children of their own, so there’s a good chance that they have wildly conflicting ideas about raising kids.
For instance, as a wealthy Russian, Oksana is likely to value self-direction when it comes to child development, and will allow the new baby freedom to roam their house and make her own mistakes. Whereas Mel Gibson, on the other hand, knows that the best way to raise a child is to give it love, protection and endless angry lectures about exactly why the Jews are responsible for everything bad that’s ever happened to the world.
So that could be a problem. On the plus side, though, there’s a good chance that Mel Gibson’s new baby will have Joe Pesci as a godfather. Wait, no, that’s not as plus at all, that’s also terrifying. That poor girl’s done for.